


A Kiss Won't Mean Goodbye

by FivePips



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Muggle, Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, Alternate Universe - World War II, Art, Berlin - Freeform, Espionage, Europe, London, M/M, Paris - Freeform, Spies & Secret Agents, WWII, World War II, typical wartime violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2018-12-19 22:14:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 51,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11907276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FivePips/pseuds/FivePips
Summary: Sirius Black (Codename Padfoot): Lover of art, an excellent forger, ability to charm a snake. All are exactly what the SIS is looking for in a spy when he is recruited. In 1939, Sirius is neck deep acting as a profiteering art dealer for the Nazi High Command. With war on the horizon Sirius' life is about to change even more.And the boys are home again all over the worldAnd rain or snow is all that may fall from the skies aboveA kiss won't mean "goodbye" but "Hello to love"When the lights go on again all over the worldAnd the ships will sail again all over the worldThen we'll have time for things like wedding rings and free hearts will singWhen the lights go on again all over the worldWhen the lights go on again all over the world--When the Lights Go on Again (All Over the World) by Vaughn Monroe





	1. Part I: A Collector of Fine Things

**Author's Note:**

> I've been reading a lot of books about spies in WWII lately (Go read the Alice Network btw).

**1 June 1985**

Sirius rounded the corner of the lane that led to his house. It was the perfect little place on the Mediterranean in the South of France. No one ever bothered him there. Except for today, it seemed. A spritely looking 30-something woman was standing at the low gate leading to the pathway of the cottage. She was looking down at a notebook and talking to herself as if rehearsing what she was going to say. She'd be rubbish at any espionage.

As Sirius drew closer, the blonde woman stood up straight. She looked right at him with her big blue eyes.

“Hello, how may I help you?” Sirius asked in French. He probably had lived in France more of his life than in England, but he still had those proper English manners.

“Yes, ah, I was looking for Mister Sirius Black.” She said in choppy French. He could practically hear her British Accent bleeding out in the vowels.

“English is fine. Why are you looking for him?”

“You are him.” Her eyes widened at the realization.

Sirius laughed, “It depends on what you want.”

“Sir, I’m Luna Lovegood. I’m currently working on a book about spies during World War II. I have been sent to you after hearing from someone else what you accomplished then."

Sirius felt his jaw clench. He did his best to stay far away from anything involving the war. He never attended the ceremonies, the endless memorials. He didn't hang up any medals. Nor did he ever read those books detailing what happened. Those were times that he didn’t want to go back to. “I don’t think I’m interested Miss Lovegood.”

“I believe that your story should be out there. Not only because what you did was amazing, but your life’s story and-- you’re gay!”

“That’s enough, Mademoiselle, excuse me as this old gay man needs to go have a lie-down.”

“Mister Black, please think about it.” She shoved a business card at him. “Please think about it. People need to hear more stories.”

“Love, if Alan Turing wasn’t enough to realize we’re not all a bunch of pedophiles or what have you then I’m sorry. I'm not going to be able to change the image myself.” He took the card and dropped it into the bag of bread, fruit, and biscuits that he had been carrying.

“But it’s not just that—”

“Have a lovely day, Miss Lovegood.” He slid past her and went to his cottage. There were enough demons that he had to battle with every day. There was no need to drag all the old ghosts up to make it worse.

Sirius went into his quiet house. He put away his groceries and made a pot of tea, the whole while thinking about the past. There were many hard times, brutal times but it was always exciting. His life in the late thirties through the mid forties was filled with adventure. It was the opposite of what he had from then on. But he that didn’t mean he wanted to relive it and tell all his truths to some random woman who just wanted to tell his stories for her own gain. The bad tended out weigh the good when he took a journey through his memories.

****

**19 July 1939**

“Why, yes, this is a Roman vase. It was supposedly a favorite of a particular emperor.” Caesar, because these bloody Fascists loved that empire for some reason. It wasn’t like the thing actually came from there. There were ways to make new things look old. Sirius could forge with the best of them, another skill that made him attractive to the Secret Intelligence Service. Sell it with a song and a dance in his most charming manner, then there was an even greater asset.

Sirius felt his skin crawl every time he had to deal with a damn Fritz, especially ones with "important" ranks in front of their first names, but that was the job. No matter the rank he had to pretend to be nice and civil. He hadn’t met Hitler yet, but with the way things were going, he was about to one these times he was in Germany. As much as Sirius hated the man, he did want to be in the same room as him just to see what the big deal was about. Not that he could do anything to kill the man, he was just there to gather intelligence. Follow orders. When he was put into British intelligence, he was assuming it’d be a bit more hands on and less talk about art. Not that he hated art, he did study art history after all. Sirius just thought the life of a spy would be a bit more exciting.

“Herr Black, you do always bring the best.” The Kommandant appraised the artifact. The reason Sirius was put into this was due to his last name and the lineage of hate and racism he came from. He didn’t have to go too far undercover, in regards to dropping his name and such. The Blacks had close ties to the Nazis. He had seen cousins in the Gestapo as there was still some of his mother's family in Germany.

When things started to kick up in Germany, things were beginning to kick up in the Black household between Sirius and his parents. Their fights were becoming explosive. Sirius wanted out, and he wanted quickly. But Monty Potter got Sirius to make things right with them, and in return, Sirius would become a spy and help his government. He couldn't wait for the moment it was all over to tell his parents exactly how he felt and that he used them.

Sirius remembered the moment he realized that 1. He was going to have to continue a relationship with his family and 2. That Monty Potter was in the SIS and 3. He was about to join as well. They were sitting in the Potters garden on a bright summer day after he had come to the Potter estate following a terrible row with his mother about one thing or another. Sirius was going off about how horrid his parents were, and once he was done with Uni in three years, he was going to be out from under their thumbs. It was only a few more years. He could do it.

At that, Monty turned rather grave and asked him if he would like to do something important, for King and Country. Sirius had laughed loudly because he just wasn’t expecting it. The man he grew up with seeing as a kindly man in a world full of arseholes was a spy. The man who tended to his garden in frumpy jumpers carried a gun. James didn’t know, Effie didn’t know, it was a position of secrecy. A life and a secret that Monty wanted to extend to the brilliant and talented Sirius Black who grew up with a German mother, who hated those Jews and Gypsies and whoever else she saw as less than, and a French-British Father, who hated anything that wasn’t rich.

“Sirius, son, you know four languages, you’re highly skilled at forgery, your IQ is immense, and you’re the most charming Black to date. You've been on the radar, not just from me but from others in my unit. You’re a prime candidate, and I want you to join. You can do so much to help. You can save so many people. But you have to continue to be a part of the House of Black in order for you to do so.” Sirius couldn’t say no to Monty Potter. It was impossible. It was going to be hard to continue to deal with his family, but he knew this was what he wanted to do.

That was five years ago. It was now 1939, and Sirius was the best known black market art dealer to the Nazis and an asset for the SIS. The Nazis thought of him as one of them. They knew he was cultured and that he attended Oxford to study art history. Sirius was sure they did the full background on him, but they weren’t going to find any spot on his record. The SIS received valuable information from him.

“Yes, I do try to bring the best for you.”

“Tell me, where do you find these things?” The Kommandant always asked but he never honestly cared, he just wanted all the material goods he could lay his greedy hands on.

“We all have our connections, Kommandant Roitegg.”

The man laughed. He liked the mystery. Sirius had his elaborate back story, and some actual state sanctioned shady dealings so Roitegg wouldn’t find holes in his story and in the handing off of such art (or forgeries). “Of course. I’ll take it. The Führer will appreciate it greatly as it is a gift for him. What type of price are we thinking about my friend?" Sirius went through the usual dance until the Kommandant finally agreed on a price. Little did the Germans know, that the money would be going right into Great Britain’s hands and not to line the pockets of Sirius and his family.   
  
“It has been a pleasure, as always, sir.”

“Herr Black, as a thank you, I’d like to invite you to a party at my home tonight.” And that right there was the ticket.

As much as the British enjoyed getting the money, they also enjoyed getting details about what was happening in regards to the plans the Nazis had in mind for the future of their glorious Fütherland. Everyone knew they were ramping up for war, to conquer more land to make their own empire. The prime way to get information on what was going on, other than a loose lipped appreciative client, was attending these horrid lavish parties. Luckily he had plenty of experience from growing up in an aristocratic family. He knew how to act, what to say, and when to be silent. He had been brought up to be the perfect window dressing at a party.

“Heil Hitler,” The man at the gate to the Kommandant’s home (palace, really. Probably not even his to begin with) greeted him. Sirius couldn’t wrap his head around the greeting. It’s not as if the Brits walked around saying “God save the king” to everyone they saw or the Americans something catchy about Roosevelt.

“Heil Hitler,” Sirius nodded before he proceeded to drive in. He was greeted that way a few more times as he left his car off with the valet then proceeded inside the den of wolves.

Inside looked like something out of propaganda films the British had got their hands on. Billowing Nazi banners, perfect Aryan men and women in their perfect evening wear, and so much bloody gold and silver you could have been blinded if the candles bounced their light off the objects in the wrong way. It was full of wealth, what they wanted all of Germany — all of Europe to look like. Well, for people like them at least.

Sirius went to playing the crowd, what he did best -- he would have rather be in his studio painting but he was so good at lying and playing people he wasn't allowed to hide out. It only took a half hour to gain three new potential clients after he showed them the artifacts and paintings that he had commandeered for the Kommandant thus far. His current clients also sang the praises of this British man with a sensible family. No one in that room disliked Sirius Black. Little did they all know he detested all of them. He’d be first in line to spit on their corpses after this all ended.

Eventually, Sirius drifted out of the sitting room to find where the rest of the guests were. There was far more noise and cars in the drive than there were people in the sitting room. He found the spot, a large ballroom not too far off from the giant sitting room. It looked like something from his days back on the Black estate. In the room was a quartet playing from German and Austrian classics. All German, all the time. Unless it came to art, it seemed. Austrian was fine too because of Anschluss. The quartet was making its way through Haydn’s Opus 76 Number 2 when Sirius wandered to get a better look at who was playing. Sometimes there were fellow spies in the mix of musicians he learned the other year. None of the band players looked familiar, but one of the violinists caught his attention. He was so into the music. It looked as if he forgot that he was playing in a room full of people. His eyes were closed, and he had a smile on his face as he swayed slightly with the music.

Sirius hadn’t wanted anyone in a very long time as much as he wanted this man with brown hair, dimples, and long fingers. For the last few years he had been so focused on work, there was little time for enjoyment. The only time Sirius lavished, he was pretending like tonight. Some days he longed for the silliness of his boarding school or the first year of Uni with James. He was long away from those times, though.

“Herr Black,” A familiar voice spoke next to him. “He’s rather — enticing, yes?”

“Frau Meadows, how are you?” Dorcas was a part of a lady spy network that Monty was overseeing. She had managed to work her way into the house of Kommandant Roitegg as a maid. But he took a liking to her, and she was now a bit more than that. Not that anyone but people on the ground near her knew. The ‘proper’ men back in Blighty looked down on sleeping with the enemy to get information, but Dorcas did what worked. Sirius felt bad that she was in the situation, but she insisted that it was all right. Roitegg was a gentleman and not as vulgar as some of the other power hungry men of his station. That is outside of the fact that he was a bloody Nazi, there was no getting over that. She said some days she thought of killing him in his sleep. Maybe one day she would.

“Oh, I’m wonderful. I didn’t know you were in town, darling.” She said softly with a smile.

Sirius just nodded, watching the violinist.

“He’s the most in demand musician, you know? A German violinist and from what everyone can tell he’s on the right side here. Unlike most artists. They tend to be communist.” She sighed.

“Right side, you say?”

“Mmm, for us I think. They think for them, though. I have my suspicions.”

“You mean…” Sirius trailed off as the song came to an end, and everyone clapped.

“You should talk to him. Ask him about his violin. It’s an antique from what I understand.” She waved a hand. Dorcas was obviously lying about the violin. She was just doing her best to get Sirius close to him. “I’m sure that a simple meeting about the instrument wouldn’t be too hard to put together for you, the art and antiquity dealer. I’ll put a hint in Roitegg's ear. He does appreciate the arts.”

“Frau Meadows you are—”

“I know.” Dorcas gave little wink before going to find the Kommandant.

Sirius removed himself from where he was in favor of chatting with one of his more loose lipped clients about how things were going. He revealed about how he may be taking a trip to Poland soon. Sirius doubted that it was going to be a vacation. He took a mental note of it and filed it away to report back to the home office. Just as Sirius thought the Fieldmarshall was going to show his hand a bit more Roitegg interrupted them, “Herr Black, I hear you are interested in the violin of Herr Lupin.”

“Ah yes, I think it could be a unique antique.” He didn’t. He had no idea what he was going to say to Lupin when he got him alone. He could have killed Dorcas if he didn’t love her. But he was good on his feet, the best improviser he knew.

“You do have an eye for these things. Herr Lupin is willing to let you look at it. I will provide you space in the library. I would join, but I must be a good host.”

“Of course,” Sirius said with a nod. “Thank you for letting me steal him, well the instrument for a bit.”

“Nonsense, I will make my remarks as you do your appraising. No music will be missed then. I’ll let you know what I said later.”

Great, Sirius thought, his own private speech on Jews are bad, and we need to make sure the rest of Europe knows this and Germany is the greatest country on the planet. “Wonderful, you’re very generous.”

Not five minutes later Sirius was in the library of the estate with Remus Lupin, who was holding on to his violin like it possessed secrets of the Fütherland. Maybe it did, that’d be something. “Herr Lupin, thank you for meeting me.”

“Not an issue. I hear you think this old thing may be something special?” Lupin was still holding it close to him. Sirius was sure his grip might end up breaking the neck of the instrument. “I can assure you that it’s not but if it will please you to take a look I have no objections to it.” He finally extended his arm, offering the violin.

Sirius knew nothing about violins, but he knew how to lie, and he knew that the instrument was beautiful. “Now, this is gorgeous. There must be a story here,” He ran his fingers over the strings. Sirius could see Remus tense as he walked away with the violin. There really must have been a story there. “Sadly I don’t know much about instruments. I’m more into other works of art. I know others who are.” Always lie the least amount possible. “Are you ever in Paris?” He said, setting the violin down on the Kommandant’s desk.

“I’m supposed to attend some concerts there in two weeks time.” Remus stepped closer.

Sirius smiled kindly, “I know people who would like to take a look at this if you don’t mind.” He still wasn’t confident what he wanted to do, there was no clear path to any specified destination other than trying to shag this handsome man. If he had someone who knew about instruments, they’d probably laugh in his face because it was most likely just an old violin not worth a damned unless someone with immense talent was playing it. This really was a lot of effort just to have sex.

“I’m unsure if I’ll be able to make it, with the way things are going that is.” He swallowed hard as if he had a lump in his throat. Something was interesting in Remus’ accent, something French. Sirius wondered what part of Germany he came from.

“Do they think you’ll attempt to make a run for it to greener pastures?” Sirius laughed before moving to lean against the desk and look at Remus.

“I am a prized possession. They'd hate to lose me.” He said, glancing sideways. Sirius wanted to know exactly what Remus was hiding. Was he playing at being a shy, quiet man or was he truly that way? Was Dorcas right that he was also undercover? This was suddenly turning into more of a mission, and less of a change for a shag.

“What if you had a sponsor for Paris? I do live in a wonderfully large apartment in the first arrondissement, and our friend Kommandant Roitegg trusts me with many valuable possessions.”

Remus laughed, the smile on his face revealing two deep dimples. “You collect people as well as works of art?”

“Well, if the people are works of art…” Sirius said raising an eyebrow. He saw Remus’ cheeks flush. “I’ll put a word in if you’re interested. I’m sure you’ll want to so that you can play for new crowds if anything. It must get old playing for the same group of people all the time.”

“I, ah, sure, yes, thank you.”

“Brilliant, I’ll go see to it that you’re able to come.”

“Why are you so interested in me, Herr Black? I'm just a violinist.”

Sirius shrugged one shoulder, “As I said, I’m interested in works of art.” He winked before moving to leave the room. Always leave them wanting more. It worked with securing new networks of intel and also getting into the pants of cute blokes. Who knows, maybe he could gain some information from this Lupin as well.


	2. Part I: About a German Romantic and A Violin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> August 4th, 1939: Remus arrives in Paris. Sirius is now on a mission to find out more about the other man.

**4 August 1939**

Sirius lit his fag with a flourish because everything he did had a touch of dramatics. He was standing in Gare du Nord waiting for Remus Lupin’s train to get in. When he met with Dumbledore, his main contact in Paris, he was excited that Sirius was getting to know Lupin. He was apparently on the radar of the network because he seemed to have come out of nowhere fairly recently. “Get all the intel on the man you can,” was the order he was left with. This was officially his favorite assignment to date. Remus wasn’t vulgar. He didn’t seem to be outright hateful of other people. He was a musician, an artist like Sirius. Any real artist believed in freedom because, under oppression, art could not actually live there.

“Herr Black, it’s good to see you again,” Remus said, lugging his suitcase with him. His violin case was tucked under his arm. He looked a bit stressed out, his hair was going everywhere, and his clothes were rumpled. Remus probably didn’t have the best ride from Berlin.

“Monsieur Lupin, it's good to see you again as well,” Sirius answered Remus’ German in French. He was sure the man could speak both. He just needed to catch him doing so, which shouldn’t be too hard because he was going to be able to make Remus feel at home in his flat. When people let their guard down, mistakes happen, and unless if Remus is trained, he would be letting his guard down. Even if he was trained, Sirius was sure he could figure out some way to get the musician to let go a little.

There was a flicker of understanding on Remus’ face in regards to the French. It last for less than a second then he shook his head and did his best expression of confusion. The look on his face was believable, and if Sirius didn’t see that second of understanding, he might have believed him. Now he had even more to go on. Why would this man pretend not to speak French? That was downright suspicious. Many people spoke many languages. “I’m sorry I didn’t get that.”

“Oh, my apologizes,” Sirius said smoothly in German with a smile. “I get so used to one language sometimes when I’m around it for extended periods. "I’m sure that happens to you as well, he thought. "I'll be sure to make my brain think German when I look at you.”

“It must be interesting, speaking more than one language. How many do you speak?”

Inside Sirius wanted to scoff, but instead, he just raised an eyebrow at the question. “A few. Come along, and we’ll take a taxi to my place and get you settled in before your rehearsal.” He didn’t feel like doing mental gymnastics to get Remus to break in the train station. He had 4 days to work out who the real Remus Lupin was, that was going to be plenty of time for someone with Sirius’ skills. It seemed like Remus wanted to get a head start, though.

Once they were in the taxi, on the way to Sirius’ flat Remus asked, “How long have you lived in Paris?” Sirius knew that any person could just be curious, but he wasn’t trusting Remus to be an innocent traveler. Sirius wondered if he was even playing a concert. Of course, he probably was but what was going on around that? Was it his real primary reason for being in Paris?

“I’ve been visiting my whole life. But I moved to the family flat when I graduated university a few years back. I live here full time now, when I'm not traveling.”

Remus nodded, “I’ve only visited a few times for work, but I’ve never explored. There’s a lot to look at, and one never knows where to begin.”

“I’ll take you to my favorite place. It’d be a decent place to start.”

“What’s that?”

“Le Louvre.” Sirius smiled. He could have lived in a museum if they let him. There he was able to have some peace and quiet without trying to have to put on a show. Sirius was sure how he felt about going to a museum was how some people felt about going to church. The Louvre was his Saint Peter’s, his most holy place of worship.

“A museum. I’m surprised it’s not a dance hall or something. It’s very quiet for what I would think for you.” Remus said as he continued to stare out the window as Paris went by.

“Why would you say that, Herr Lupin?”

“You’re a well to do man, a confirmed bachelor, and in a city with a rich night life.” The violinist reasoned with a slight tilt of his head.

“That’s a rather fast judgment.” Sirius always made quick judgments, but he tended to keep them to himself because he knew under those first impressions laid so much more. They were always a nice starting place but they weren't everything.

“Do you not frequent those places?”

“I can’t say that I do. I’m typically busy with my work and I don't have much free time to be social.” Sirius said. Yes, he did visit some clubs every so often, but he wasn’t about to take a potential Nazi to a gay club. Sirius needed to be sure not to tip off Remus that he was a gay man who hated everything Hitler and his gang stood for. Although he wanted to see Remus for who he was, he couldn’t be caught in the situation.

Once Remus was settled into the palatial flat of the Blacks, he made his excuses to leave the concert hall to meet with the conductor before his rehearsal later. Sirius did not ask many questions about it. He hurried off to where ever he was going with his beloved violin, and Sirius let him. Instead of trailing him today he decided to look through Remus’ luggage. There was a lot you could tell about a man from what he packed to go on a trip.

Sirius unlatched the black suitcase that was sitting on top of Remus’ bed. He carefully opened it and began to systematically go through his things. He flipped through the book on top, some German love story from what Sirius gathered. It wasn’t anything interesting. The spine wasn’t concealing anything either. So he put it aside. Then he started to go through the clothes. They were fine, not even any tatters for things to be secreted away in. His shaving set was boring and usual. When the luggage was empty his checked for hidden compartments and the typical ways of hiding things, but there was nothing.

“Why would you leave something important behind when you can just carry it in a case with you everywhere and no one would be the wiser,” Sirius muttered to himself as he carefully repacked the bag. He needed to get a look at the violin and the case without Remus around. He had a feeling that it would never happen because Remus loved the sodding thing and never let it out of his sight.

After his hunt through the luggage, Sirius needed to see a man about looking at a violin. The man, Caradoc Dearborn was in the same network as Sirius. He was apart of the more shadier side of the art dealing. But he knew instruments. “You’re saying you want me to make up some story about an instrument? That’s — why? You could have done that.”

“I told him I didn’t know anything about the instruments. I used it to get him to Paris because I think he might be an asset. Dumbledore does too.” Sirius said, taking a seat in a chair across from the man’s desk. He couldn't exactly tell Caradoc that he originally brought Remus out there to shag him.

“Or he could just be a musician. Not everyone has seven layers to their identities.”

“How do you explain his accent?”

“He grew up on the French border?” Caradoc offered.

“No, this is an accent where German was not his first language, but he’s telling me it was. He must speak French. If he does, why won’t he tell me?”

“Maybe he doesn’t trust you like you don’t trust him. And why the hell did you invite him to your flat? He might kill you in your sleep.”

“Why? He’d be a shite spy then. He has no reason to do that yet.”

“What if he’s working for the Germans and they’ve caught on that you—”

“That won’t ever happen.”

“It might, Sirius, you shouldn’t be so cocky.” He ticked his tongue and sounded like Effie Potter when Sirius would ever do something that she disapproved of -- which was often. He hadn’t heard her do that in years though. Things with the Potters were strained. Sirius knew they still loved him, but Effie, James, and Lily thought he was betraying them as he stayed in the good graces of the Blacks. They had every right to feel that way. Effie was Jewish, as was Lily. The Blacks always looked down their nose at Monty then at James when he made the same ‘mistake’.

“Let’s say I look at this instrument and tell him it’s nothing? We don’t need to lie about the thing. It was an honest mistake, you do know nothing about it.”

“Okay, that’s fine.” Sirius shrugged, feeling a bit defeated. He only had a few days to get to the bottom of Remus. He needed more.

“You want to keep him on the hook, don’t you?”

“Of course I want to keep him on the hook.”

“You should come up with a different way. I’m not going to muddy up on channels because you have a hunch. You’re smart enough. You’ll figure something out.”

Luckily enough for Sirius, his time to figure out Remus was extended a week. Remus came home from his time out that first night saying he was asked to do a show next Saturday. Sirius offered him the flat for the extended time and even called one of his German connections to let them know that Remus was going to be staying, not to worry your musician wasn’t fleeing the country just yet.

“Would you like to come to the concert Sunday night? I apologize for not inviting you to tomorrow's, but it is sold out.” Remus asked after informing him of the extended time in Paris.

Sirius looked at Remus standing in front of him, ruffling his curls. He hadn’t tamed his hair yet. He looked very young when he was standing in his casual clothes with his hair going whatever way. Remus had a certain innocence to him. One Sirius is sure he never had himself. If the innocence was real, that would have been nice. But if it was faked, then it was incredible Remus could pull off the look. “You want me to go?”

“Yes, you enjoy the music, don’t you?”

“I appreciate it, yes.” Sirius was sure that he would appreciate Remus playing music more if it was just in them in his flat but he would take watching him play in concert.

“If you come, I’ll go with you to your Louvre.”

Sirius scoffed, “My Louvre, right. Fine, I’ll come. Am I to get you some roses for after?” He smiled flirtatiously. As much as he wanted to focus on who Remus was, he also wanted to shag him still. It was hard to get that part of his brain to stop finding the man so attractive.

“No, just show me around you favorite place sometime this coming week. I’ll have time following the weekend.” Remus gave a little nod before going back off to his room.

Sunday night Sirius found himself in the balcony of the Olympia Bruno Coquatrix. Remus was not the main performer but filling in for the first chair violinist. He was brilliant, at least Sirius thought. He must have had some talent in him, or he wouldn’t have been invited to play in another country at all. He wouldn’t have been in what was apparent high demand for the SS back in his supposed homeland.

Sirius was sure that he paid the most attention to Remus, he barely heard the music. Yes, he sounded beautiful but watching him feel the music was even better than hearing it. Sirius was once told that when he painted that he looked that he was in a world of his own construction. Seeing as he was not sure what he looked like when painting, Sirius would have to guess that it was close to what Remus looked like playing. The slight smile, the relaxed posture. It didn’t look as if anyone in the world mattered at that very moment. Sirius so badly wanted to see what Remus looked like when he was playing alone. He was tempted to poke his nose in when he heard him play in the mornings in his room. But he was always able to find his will power. Listening was just going to have to be enough.

***

“This is a Stradivarius, Herr Lupin,” Caradoc said, running his fingers over the body of the violin. Sirius had followed through with getting Remus to meet him. It would have looked strange if he offered Remus a place to stay, mainly because of the damned thing then not have followed through. Remus was extremely skeptical but humored Sirius with little push back. “In wonderful condition, you must care for it very much.”

“Yes, but is it as priceless as Herr Black is making it out to be? He seems to think that it is some antique.”

“I would have to say no. In some years, yes possibly, so I wouldn’t let it go. It is a magnificent instrument.”

“I don’t ever plan on letting it go,” Remus said crisply. “I apologize for wasting your time.”

“Not to worry, I know Sirius well, and I understand his flights of fancy. I do not doubt that you probably told him to stuff it.”

“Yes, just knowing him for a short time and I can see how he might let his head go into the clouds sometimes.”

Sirius glared at the two men as they continued to talk as if he wasn’t standing right there. Remus had been in France for three days, and Sirius was 1. Unable to look at Remus’ violin or case to see if he was hiding anything there 2. Unable to find anything more about Remus. He had never failed at a mission before, but it was starting to look like he would have nothing to report back to Dumbledore.

“That’s quite enough now.” Sirius piped up after about thirty more seconds of the other two men give him a hard time. “Thank you for your time, Caradoc. I apologize for my flight of fancy. I know that you’re immensely busy. And Remus, I’m sorry I took your time from doing something more exciting or productive.”

“We’re off to the Louvre now, right? This day isn’t a complete loss.” Remus said, placing his violin back into its red velvet lined case.

“Yes, we’ll drop that off at the flat on the way,” Sirius said as he rolled his shirtsleeves back down. It was absolutely steaming in Caradoc's office. Sirius wasn’t sure how the man was able to concentrate. There were no windows and just one fan. But the location was probably chosen for other reasons than its comfort (near an underground station, the basement of a quiet building, a non-nosey landlord, and not having windows helped too).

Once the violin was safe and sound at the flat, Sirius and Remus took the quick walk to Le Louvre. Sirius’ favorite part of his flat, aside from the incredible light he got in the library/what was now his studio, it was an easy walk to the museum. “So, why do you love your violin so much?”

“Why do you love your paint brushes so much?” Remus asked with a raised eyebrow as they walked down Avenue de l’Opéra, where his flat was located, towards the museum.

“So, you love it because it’s your passion.”

“Yes.”

“How come I feel like there’s more to your story with the violin? The way you hold on to it, it seems like that there’s a full history with you and it.”

Remus shrugged and scratched his nose. He was obviously debating with himself about what to tell Sirius. “It was my father’s instrument. He taught me how to play on it. My parents both died in an accident, and it’s what I have left of them.” There was a lie hiding in there, Sirius could hear it in the tone of Remus’ voice, but he was sure it was mostly the truth. “So,” Remus cleared his throat. “Why do you like your paint brushes so much?”

Sirius chuckled as they came in front of the Le Louvre. “Because I wasn’t able to live much outside of my family’s walls growing up. I had to make my own worlds.” Growing up in the Black household was suffocating. It was just a black and white painting but with no depth and no shadows. Just stark and unloving. He was only allowed to paint because it was a proper hobby for an aristocratic boy. His parents would have preferred an instrument, but they didn’t make many objections. Sirius could paint his way out of those doldrums with vivid colors and scenes of happy people.

“Ah, yes, the poor rich boy,” Remus said, sounding a bit daring.

“We all have our struggles.” Sirius bit back as they entered the building.

“Yes, I guess we do.” The other man whispered.

For a while, they walked silently. Remus seemed to understand that he had pressed a particular button with Sirius to make him a bit angry. Sirius understood the privilege that he grew up with. He knew other peoples struggles were more and life threatening. He may not have grown up struggling, but he still experienced a great deal of pain. Sirius had a feeling the Remus’ pain was just as bad, if not worse than his own. No, it was definitely worse than his own, Sirius decided.

“Show me your favorite painting.” Remus encouraged, finally breaking their silence. “I want to know.”

“I have a lot of favorite works,” Sirius said. “On any given day, you could ask me what my favorite work is, and it’d be different from the day before,” Sirius said he liked art the same way some others liked music. He liked it all, mostly. He could find something fantastic in any piece he looked at.

“There must be one you go to all the time,” Remus said. “There’s always a song I go back to play.”

Sirius gave a little nod, thinking for a moment then he led Remus to the painting he always spent time with. Eventually, they came to a stop in the painting Sirius was looking for. “Seashore by Moonlight.”

Remus leaned in and looked at the placard, “Friedrich.” He raised an eyebrow.

Yes, Sirius couldn’t escape the bloody Germans. But at least this one wasn’t a Nazi or some collaborating profiteer. “A German Romantic. It’s the diffusion of light that always gets me. It’s also a reflection on the human condition.”

“Yes?” Remus said imploringly.

“The dark foreground is the earthly world, and the light background is the supernatural. The human condition is in the fragile outlines of the boats coming into port. They look so small compared to the horizon. Death is that stranded boat, there.” Sirius pointed. “Death is always imminent.”

“Pleasant,” Remus said, smiling at Sirius and not even looking at the painting. “Do you prefer to look at paintings or paint yourself?”

“Both, I would say. Would you prefer to listen to music or play it?”

Remus smiled at him, “Both.”

“When we go back to my flat, you’ll play me your favorite song, the one you go back to.”

“Yes, but I won’t be breaking it down as you just did,” Remus said. “I’ll let you draw your conclusions.”

“If you if I press you?”

“Well, I wrote it, and I don’t know you well enough to tell you all about it. So you can draw your own conclusions for now. But show me some more things before we go back. What else do you like?”

Sirius continued the tour, trying to take his time but he was so curious to what Remus had to play for him. He knew that people tended to reveal their souls in their work. Sirius knew that his heart was in many of his paintings. The ones that were truly personal were never shown to other people. He wasn’t sure if he could even show Remus just yet.

By the time they got back to Sirius’ flat, he was far too excited to hear what the other man had to play for him. Thankfully, Remus followed through with his promised and played Sirius’ his own piece. It was haunting and fragile, something that spoke so much about something Sirius desperately wanted to know more about. When Remus ended the piece, the last note hung in the air. It felt like something of a threat.

“That was—”

“Thank you,” Remus said, blushing, looking down at his feet. “I’m glad you’ve enjoyed it. Whenever I play it for an audition, I never get the part. They say it’s too sad.”

“Sod them,” Sirius said in English then shook his head and phrased it in German. “Your talent is immense. They should let you do as you please.”

Remus just nodded before making excuses and retreating to his room. Sirius sat in his parlor turning over the new facts that he knew about Remus. The man composed his own songs. His parents were dead. His instrument wasn’t anything too special, at least in the dealing sense of the word. It obviously meant a lot to Remus. He liked Sirius on some level. That was not too much, but at least he was learning some things. Hopefully, in the coming days he was going to be able to gather far more details.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Painting: http://www.louvre.fr/en/oeuvre-notices/seashore-moonlight This painting wasn’t in the Louvre until 2000 but for the sake of the story…


	3. Part I: Shattering the Façade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> August 9th, 1939: Remus is still a mystery to Sirius but things are starting to look up.

**9 August 1939**

Sirius whistled as he made he way to his flat, enjoying the beautiful summer sun and the general hustle and bustle of Paris. He shouldn’t have been happy, Remus Lupin was going to be leaving to go back to Berlin in three days. But today felt like it was going to be a good day. He had gone out to check in with Dumbledore to hear nothing of importance, as things usually were at those meetings. He was also asked to find something special for a new client back in Germany, which wasn’t going to be an issue. To top it off, Remus was probably standing in his room playing the violin so that wonderful music would be filling his flat once more.

Life with Remus was rather pleasant. He knew he was on a mission to find more information, but he was almost playing house. It would be nice, Sirius thought, to live like the way he was living with Remus all the time. There was no fearing for his life. He was able to paint whenever he wanted to paint. He got to listen to the other man play his music. Sirius wondered if he could have a life like that when everything with the Nazis blew over. At this point in his life, peace and quiet felt like only a one week deal. He knew that he’d probably die before it all ended and if he didn’t die then, he’d probably not survive much longer after that. Sirius was told that men like him never thrived during times of peace.

When Sirius opened the door, he heard Benny Goodman playing on the wireless. Not the music he was expecting, but he had no objection. Benny and all the other Jewish musicians and composers were banned in Germany. This made Sirius wonder if Remus didn’t care for the ban or if he just enjoyed the music, even if the players or composers were of a “lesser race”. Before he could close the door and complete any further thought on the topic of Benny Goodman and Remus Lupin, he heard something drop. Then Remus was swearing a blue streak. In French. There it was. Remus had dropped his facade because he thought he was all alone.

For one minute Sirius stood in his doorway, thinking about his approach. If he was hard with it, then Remus would possibly run and he’d never see the man again. If he went too soft, then he wouldn’t get anywhere. He needed to bring his charm into the situation, and hopefully, Remus would continue to open up. There was also a high chance that Sirius was going to have to open up about himself. He wasn’t sure if the outcome of that would be good or bad. He’d have to weigh it out in the moment.

Sirius walked into the kitchen to find Remus standing at the counter. He was cradling his left hand to his body. Sirius could see blood trickling down the other man’s forearm. On the countertop was a knife and tomato, obviously the reasons why Remus had been swearing. “You do speak French,” Sirius said in the language, getting close to Remus, who didn’t realize Sirius was there until he had spoken. Remus’ eyes widened with fear. “Let me help you with your hand then we can talk about—”

Remus moved as fast as a jungle cat, surprising Sirius. In very swift movements he grabbed the knife on the counter and lunged at Sirius. Sirius didn’t move fast enough because it was such a shock. Mild mannered Lupin had something darker in him. He realized that he wasn’t strong enough or had enough of a height advantage as Remus had either. It didn’t take much of a wrestle for Sirius to be underneath Remus with a knife to his throat. “At least buy me dinner first. I’m not that kind of boy.” Sirius in English, he could hear his voice shaking even though he was attempting to be as confident as he could. But there was a bloody knife pressing against his jugular.

“You flirt like you’re that type of boy,” Remus said in English with a heavy accent that Sirius couldn’t place. It was an interesting mix of German and French. The musician’s cut hand was beginning to leave a large red stain where it was pressed down in the center of Sirius’ clean white shirt.

“What are you?” Sirius swallowed hard, feeling the cold metal of the knife against his throat. “You speak English, French, and German. If you’re here to do me in, you could have done it in my sleep some time ago, so I doubt you’re a hitman. Since you’re not, be sure to make it look like an accident or suicide. You’re going to be put on trial if not. You are the only suspect, and people have seen us together.”

“I don’t want to kill you.” Remus gritted his teeth, slipping back into the French language. “I don’t know what to do though. You’re going to tell.”

“Why would I tell anyone?” Sirius furrowed his brow at the accusation.

“You work for the Nazis and I—” Remus stopped and clenched his jaw.

“I don’t know who the bloody hell you are, believe me. I’d like to know though.” Sirius shook his head just the barest amount. “And you, apparently, have no idea who I am.”

Remus bit his lip then tilted his head. “You’re trying to find out more about me, so I believe that you work for them. They’ve caught on that I’m not what I seem.”

“I don’t work for them. I am trying to find out more about you, just not for the bloody Gestapo or SS — whoever.”

“Then who are you working for?”

Sirius was screwed, he decided. If he told Remus that he was working with the Nazis, he was probably dead. If he told Remus the truth, then he wasn’t sure what would happen. He was positive that Remus wasn’t on the side of Hitler and his gang. But what other sides were there? Who were the other players in the game? Was he a Soviet? Italian? Jewish? He was good at being undercover, whatever was his cover. Dumbledore never specified how Remus got on their radar or why. If he was a threat, Sirius was sure that he’d at least would have been alerted to that.

“I’m British intelligence.” He winced, knowing that identifying himself could blow his cover completely. He’d have to go home with his tail between his legs and possibly just join the army and eventually get shot. “So, if you’d like to get off of me, I’d be happy to go resign and return home to Blighty. No one would be wiser to who you are and what you’re doing.”

“You’re telling the truth?” Remus tilted his head.

“Yes.” Sirius looked into Remus’ eyes, trying to convey how honest he was being.

“You sell art to get in?”

“Yes.”

Remus chewed at his bottom lip now. “You’re not going to kill me, are you?”

“I wasn’t planning on it, but I think that you might bleed out if we don’t see to your hand. If you let me up I can fix it up. Then you can tell me who you are.”

“Fine.” Remus pushed himself off of Sirius, still holding on to the knife but not in a defensive position any longer. In fact he was looking rather defeated. It seemed that Sirius wasn’t going to be the one going back home with his tail between his legs. Or if he was there’d be some type of counter part with Remus going back to wherever feeling just as much of an idiot. But there was still a story that Sirius needed to get to the bottom of.

Sirius had Remus sit down then he went to look for his emergency kit that was filled with enough to help him survive moderate wounds without going to hospital. The fewer questions, the better. The safer, the better. Those were rules drilled into his head during training.

When he returned to the kitchen the knife was finally put down on the table, away from an easy reach.

“So,” Sirius said as he began to clean Remus’ wound with just a wet flannel to get as much of the blood mopped up. “Where do you come from, Remus Lupin?”

“The border of France and Germany. A small village. Both my parents spoke French at home, but I grew up speaking German at school and with friends.” He explained. “You heard the French in my accent nearly right when we met, I think. You’re quick.”

“I have a good ear for that stuff.” He always loved languages and accents and where people came from. It was a good interest to have in his area of work too. “The English?”

“I’ve been learning it recently from some friends. I figured it might be helpful to me eventually with everything that is going on.”

“Eventually for what?” Sirius asked, putting aside the flannel and reaching into the bag to dig around for disinfectant.

“I’m not even sure,” Remus said honestly. “If I have to leave Germany for one reason or another for a place like England or the United States. I’d rather not but if I had to, it’s good to be prepared.”

“Your parents, are they really dead? “ Sirius found the disinfectant at the bottom of the bag finally.

“Yes, they were killed by local villagers in 1930. A boy died, and it was blamed on the Jews—”

“You’re Jewish?” That was a revelation. A Jew was under the nose of the Nazis, and they had no idea. Sirius was rather pleased with the image he had in his brain of them all finding out one day — one day after Remus was safe, that is.

Remus nodded, “Half. My mother.” He hissed as the disinfectant touched his skin. “We lived outside of the town. Whenever something went wrong, they blamed the Jews. It wasn’t just us but… It has been that way for some time. What is happening now, it isn’t new. It’s just different. It’s on a much larger scale, and more people are dying.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re not one of them because they wouldn’t even lie about being sorry. They probably would have killed me already.” Remus said softly, looking down at his good hand on his lap.

“Do you speak Yiddish?”

“A bit, not as much as I should, or as I’d like to,” Remus said.

“How old were you when your parents were killed?” Sirius asked. He felt like he could have asked anything and Remus would have answered in that moment. He thought he had been defeated, hopefully Sirius could show him he had just grown a bit stronger.

“I was 16 at the time. My parents made me run when a friend came to tell us what was happening. My mother and I packed just enough clothes for me, some food. Then I took off, just went they were coming over the hill. My dad shoved the violin in my hands on my way out of the door. I ran, and I never looked back.”

“Except you think about it all the time. How did a half Jew come to be playing for Nazi commanders?” Sirius said, putting aside the cotton ball he had been using in search of his bandages.

“Well, I ran and ended up in a cemetery behind an orphanage by the time I was out of breath and finally tired. Where I had collapsed, the grave was a boy who died with the name Remus Lupin, so I took it. I traveled to Berlin. Then I begged, borrowed, and stole my way into the hearts of the Nazis with the violin.”

“What’s your end game?”

“I’d like to kill Hitler. I know he wasn’t in charge then, but I’d like to cut the head off the snake. Show them they aren’t really powerful. That they’re stupid and weak.”

Sirius sat back, holding the bandages in his hands. “I appreciate your goal and the gumption but, there’s no way you’re going to be able to do that. You need to do something else productive. You’re skilled and smart. But your ambitions are a little high. Or maybe they're just off target.”

“What do you suppose I do then?”

“You are on the radar of my higher ups. They might want you to do some work. Would you be interested? You’d be helping to take them down in a different way.” Sirius asked as he took Remus’ hand and began to wrap the wound. He was glad that the cut wasn’t so deep that Remus would needed stitches.

“I don’t know.”

“You should talk to my person here in Paris. I can tell him that you’d be interested.”

“Can I think about it?” Remus said as he watched Sirius work slowly.

“You only have a few more days.”

“I’ve been so scared you would find out about me, and now you have. I’m sorry, I’m just a little overwhelmed.” Remus sat back once Sirius finished. “I still don’t know if you’re going to end up coming back to hurt me or something.”

“I won’t. I just hope the same thing goes for you.” Sirius hoped that he didn’t make a mistake, but he gut was saying that he made the right choice. There was never a moment where his gut was wrong, though he was told not to go on gut alone during his training. But he didn’t have much more on Remus to not to just go on gut alone. Sirius just hoped that Dumbledore, Monty, and whoever else made important choices agreed that Remus was on the right side. If what Remus said happened to him, really did then he’d be able to do anything to get intel.

The rest of the day was spent in silence between the two men. Remus was in his room for most of the day. Sirius stayed in the parlor after going to change his shirt. He was hoping that Remus would come out to talk to him about what he would be doing if he took Sirius up on his offer.

When Remus finally came out of his room, Sirius was sketching, sitting on the ground with the sofa behind him and his legs pulled up so he could rest the pad there. Remus headed towards the kitchen but stopped in the doorway for a moment, lingering.

Remus was in a cotton shirt and dark trousers, and one pant leg was rolled up a little. He wasn’t wearing any socks either. His curly hair was untamed but not horribly out of sorts. Sirius decided he looked perfect, but he kept that comment to himself. As much as he still wanted to shag Remus, he didn’t want to try tonight. There was enough hanging in the air around them.

“I’ll talk to your handler or whatever it is you call him. I’m making no promises, though.”

Sirius set the pad aside and sat up straight, “I’ll arrange something.”

“Thank you.” He rubbed the back of his neck as he walked towards the kitchen.

***

The day before Remus was to leave for Berlin, Sirius paced outside of Dumbledore’s office. His office was in the back of a bakery, one that he owned and run. Remus and Sirius had been quietly avoiding one another for the last few days since their confrontation in the kitchen. Sirius was barely sleeping. He had trailed Remus when he went out to both the rehearsal and the performance that he had to attend. Nothing odd was going on, Remus just seemed like a normal musician. Except for the facts that he was under an assumed identity, and his main goal in life was to kill Hitler.

Sirius thought it was very noble that the bloke wanted to kill the man that was inspiring more people to take up anti-Semitism. Even though he was emotionally motivated, something that wasn’t always the best thing for a spy to be, Remus was smart. He had made it so far without anyone helping him, at least that’s what Sirius had gathered so far. Remus was constantly surrounded by so much intel at these events he played at. He could be an important part of the network.

“Sirius, come in.” Dumbledore summoned him from inside the room as Remus opened the door. “We’ve some things to discuss.”

“Yes?”

“Remus will be playing more frequently in Paris. But his time is mostly going to be spent in Berlin, doing as he was. But he will be reporting to someone we have there. I do want him to report back here to me every so often, so he will be staying at your flat when that occurs. They trust you, and when he’s with you, there’s no threat.” Dumbledore said. “You’re free to go. Be sure to keep in touch with one another, look like you’re friends at least.”

The two men nodded before they left Dumbledore’s office. They made their way back to Sirius’ flat, stopping to pick up some food to make for dinner. They only spoke about what they wanted to eat. Sirius was dying to know how Remus was feeling about now being a spy. When Sirius was recruited by Monty, he wanted to tell anyone who would listen. Sadly, he couldn’t exactly tell anyone at all. But Remus could talk to him if he wanted.

“Are you hungry yet?” Sirius asked as they entered the flat.

“No, not yet,” Remus said, following the other man to the kitchen.

“I would ask how you’re feeling, but I guess you’re used to being undercover.”

“Yes, now I just have to report to people.” Remus sighed. “I hope that I’ve made the right decision.”

“I’m sure that you did.”

“I just think it might be easier for someone to find out who I am when I’m involved with a network.”

Sirius nodded, understanding. He sure it must have been hard for Remus, who seemed to be more or less alone for almost ten years, to be working with others. It was probably going to be difficult to adjust. He hoped that Remus would have some support and more training back in Berlin. “If those people are double agents, sure. So far, so good for me though.”

“Yes,” Remus paused. “So, you flirting with me, is that a part of your cover because I don’t think that it works with most of the men you’re trying to get to know?”

Sirius laughed and rolled his eyes, “I was just flirting with you. I’d never flirt with the others. Even the ones with more homosexual tendencies.”

“Was it just a part of your way to get to me?”

“No, I honestly just wanted to shag you the moment I laid my eyes on you. Inviting you here, originally, was all pretense for that.” Sirius said bluntly as he finished putting his things away. “From your reactions, I don’t think it’s too shocking for me to say that to you.”

“I’d have to say you read that right.” Remus cleared his throat.

“Then you turned into a mission and, well, you almost slit my throat with a chef's knife. I’m not sure on what ground I stand right now.”

“You could have had me right there and then in the Kommandant’s library, but then you had to go and invite me out here. Now look at this mess. I have a cut hand and I’m involved in some spy ring. A lot to just to attempt to get a leg over, isn’t it?” The musician folded his arms and quirked a corner of his mouth up. “Do you always complicate things like this?” He chuckled.

Sirius had seen small glimpses of Remus’ personality in the past week, but it seemed to be on full display now. He loved it. “I’ve been known to be a bit dramatic.”

“So, if you weren’t in espionage, then you would have been an actor?”

“At least then I would have been able to have the proper bohemian lifestyle.” Sirius leaned against the countertop. “Now I’m a forced life long member of the bourgeoisie. At least until the war ends, then I might burn this place down.”

Remus snorted a laugh, “But it’s a very nice flat. Not far from your favorite place either.”

“True. But I want to live in the South of France, better light there.”

“Ah, yes, the infamous light you painters are always on about.”

“Do you know many painters?” Sirius raised an eyebrow.

“Are you jealous if I do Monsieur Black?”

“Can we stop flirting and finally get on with it?” Sirius challenged, standing up tall.

Remus took a deep breath then surged towards Sirius. This time Sirius wasn’t bracing for a potential death, so he fell into Remus’ embrace, instead of struggling for dominance in the moment. His arms went around Remus’ waist as the other man’s lips pressed firmly against his own. Remus’ hand slid up to Sirius’ neck, and his thumb gently ran along his jaw as he deepened the kiss. “You’re beautiful,” Remus said, pulling back to take a few deep breath. “It’s been ridiculous to have to share flat with you for a week and not just throwing myself at you.”

“Congratulations on your willpower.” Sirius snickered, slipping out from Remus’ embrace. But he grabbed his hand and began to walk towards his bedroom. “Let’s go shatter the rest of it.”

“I think it’s already been shattered, but I’m interested to see what else you want to do.” Remus moved closer behind him as they walked, his lips grazing the shell of Sirius’ ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, don't expect me to post as regularly as I have been because I'm starting back at classes and work (senior year of collge wooo).


	4. Part I: Mon Étoile Et Mon Loup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's an incident in Lublin. Then Remus is in Paris for a few weeks.

**30 October 1939**

Just like every empire, men marched in and took what wasn’t theirs. Sadly, Sirius had to be complicit in the taking. This was the worst part of Sirius’ work, having to go into people’s homes and tell the bloody Fritzies how much the paintings most likely costs. Then they could collect the works for the Führer himself, his museum, one of the high command, or just another added piece to their plunder. When this all started, and he was forced to do this sort of appraising, he began to make his notes on the art. He figured that writing down where it went may make it easier for these families to find it after this all ended. Every time he did this, he was able to rescue a few works himself, and keep them safe at his flat back in Paris.

Walking around the apartment that he was in, in Lublin made him feel oddly at home. It reminded him a lot of his family’s home in Paris. The flat belonged to a wealthy Jewish family with deep roots in the city. Their flat was decorated with some beautiful pieces from European masters. But it wasn’t the art that caught his eye, just like in the other homes he had to go through like this before, it was the remnants of the past inhabitants of the household. There were photographs of the family in ornate silver frames. Four boys, one girl, two parents. Pictures of them smiling and laughing. Formal photographs in their beautiful sitting room. Sirius tried not to look at them, but it was hard not to.

At one point he picked up what looked like the newest picture of the family with their dark hair and big brown eyes. The youngest, one of the boys, seemed to be just getting into his teens. One of the older brothers was now joined by a beautiful woman, probably his new wife. They probably didn’t think about what was lurking around the corner when the photo was taken. They were just living their lives, happy and filled with promise. Then it all fell apart. Sirius didn’t know what happened to them, but he assumed they were sent to work camps as they seemed to all be in good shape. He hoped and prayed they were still alive. Maybe they’d be safe soon, or maybe they ended up getting away into a safe country.

“Herr Black, what about that frame, is it worth anything?”

Sirius nearly jumped when the Obersturmführer came up behind him. “I should think so. It’s pure silver.” He said, not missing a beat. “Be sure to log it.” He gave a slight nod before putting the picture down and moving on.

“Of course, Herr Black.”

The flat reminded him far too much of his own in Paris. He tried to think of what it would have been like if he were on the other side. If he was the one plundered, instead of helping with the plundering, how would that feel? Sirius knew he shouldn’t have thought that way because it tended to interfere with his work but at least it made him human. If he was just able to turn off his feelings completely, and ability to reflect that way, then what better would he be than the people who were doing the actual taking?

Sirius found his way into the dark wood-paneled library, which reminded him of the one at the Potter’s estate back in Blighty. He and James had spent their younger years hidden away there. Then when Lily caught James’ eyes, she joined as well. They planned pranks and talked about gossip from their family and friends. It was a safe place, one that Sirius longed for every so often. It was warm and comforting. He felt like no one could touch them there. He wondered what James and Lily were doing. It had been a while since he’d been back home and it had been even longer since James had reached out to talk or write.

As Sirius scanned the shelves lined with books he heard sniffling. It was muffled, but it was the definite sound of a human sniffling. He stood leaned close to the seating by the window, in between two shelves. There was no possible way someone could be there. They had occupied the flat for two days now, according to the Obersturmführer that had greeted Sirius when he arrived.

There was a whimper. Sirius stepped back to look down the hallway to make sure he had a few moments alone. Quickly and quietly he moved back to the window seat and lifted up the seat. It took a few tries because he couldn’t find the right catch, it blended in perfectly. A perfect place to hide, Sirius thought, as he lifted the lid. The smell of body odor and bowel movements filled the air, making Sirius choke. He recovered when he realized a person was looking at him in horror.

Inside Sirius found the youngest boy from the photographs. He was shaking, with sweat and tears dripping down his face. His cheeks were red, but his face was grey and sullen. But his eyes were still big and brown, and his hair was curling at the edges from the heat. “Sprechen Sie Deutsch?” He asked the young Polish teen.

“Yes. Yes. Please, please don’t hurt me.” He said in a low, hoarse voice.

“Be quiet. Please, calm down, and I’ll do what I can to get you out of here. But you have to stop crying. I won’t be able to help if they find you before I can figure something out. You’ve done so well so far. You just need to make it a little longer, please.” Sirius pleaded with him. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt nervous while doing his job. Normally it was just disgust, but it was never abject fear.

“I’ll try. I’ll try.” He bit his lip as Sirius heard movement down the hall.

Sirius put a finger over his lips and shut the seat again. He rearranged the pillows then moved swiftly to the other side of the room. He picked up what looked to be the oldest book on the self as the sound of jackboots grew closer. At least the bloody SS and Gestapo couldn’t tiptoe their way down a hall. Sirius took a few calming breaths, alternating the hand that was holding the book so he could wipe the sweat away on his jacket.

“Herr Black, the library is always a good place to explore, is it not?”

“Yes,” Sirius was proud of himself for holding it together. The instant the Obersturmführer walked into the library Sirius knew he had to be himself. He had to pretend that there wasn’t living person trying to survive just under their noses.

“I bet most of these are unread.” The Obersturmführer said, gazing at one of the walls. “We’ll keep what is important. Burn the rest.”

“I know nothing about books, so I’ll leave you to that,” Sirius said, putting the book back on the self. “I’m surprised there’s no art in here. Some of the best art is usually kept in the libraries like this in estates back in England. For instance, my parents have a—”

The Obersturmführer held up a hand, and Sirius’ heartbeat picked up too much for his liking in a situation where he needed to remain collected. “Did you hear that?”

“Wh—“

“There it is again.” It was a distinctive whimper coming from the Polish boy. The Obersturmführer moved closer to the bench, and Sirius felt a wave of nausea overtake him. It didn’t take him long to discover the boy. The entire time, Sirius stood where he was, gripping the book in his hands as if it were some lifeline. “You do your best to get rid of all the rats, but they always find holes to hide in.”

Sirius trained his face in a neutral expression as the Obersturmführer pulled the boy out of his hiding place with two hands. He dropped him on the ground, facing away from Sirius. But Sirius could see his shoulders shaking, and his wailing sobs filled the room. He didn’t need to see his face to know that it was probably twisted in anguish and fear. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” The boy repeated over and over.

“Oh, shut up.” The Obersturmführer reached for his sidearm.

Sirius wanted to run, but he was too horrified to move, so he stood there and watched as the trigger was pulled and the boy fell with a thud to the ground.

“Pull yourself together, Herr Black. You intellectual types faint at the sight of just a little blood.” And the boy's brains. An innocent boy, barely a teenager was dead, and his flat was being picked over by a bunch of bloody scavengers who were no better than actual rats. Sirius wondered for a few moments if he could continue. But he knew that he had to because it was his job, his own rebellion against the Nazis. If there were any way to save more people like the boy, he was going to have to figure how to go about it. But there wasn’t anything he could do now.

Ever the professional, Sirius continued to work but with the boys cries ringing in his ears the rest of the night. When he was able to leave without drawing attention to himself, he did. Sirius dragged himself to his hotel, into the bathroom, and turned on the taps to the bath. He needed to scrub himself clean of the day, not that that would erase the memories.

***

A month later, Sirius rolled over and squinted at the body in bed next to him, his tired mind forgetting that Remus had got into Paris that afternoon. He was in the city for two weeks for a series of concerts, and Sirius was an eager host once again. It was his first time back in Paris since his recruitment. They had exchanged letters over the previous months, but it wasn’t as if they could truly talk about anything. You never knew who could be reading your mail at this time. It was just to build up the illusion of a blossoming friendship, not to make the grounds for their romantic interest. But the correspondence didn’t hurt that either.

“Good — what is it? Evening, I guess.” Remus said after yawning loudly and rubbing his face. “It was a horrible mistake to fall asleep at such a strange time.”

“I think it’s time for dinner, my stomach is growling.” Sirius rested a flat palm on his upper abdomen and looked up at his ceiling. They were both quiet for some time, neither man moving to see to food. Sirius was too content in the bed. “So, how are you?”

Remus laughed because they hadn’t even spoken yet. When the violinist walked in the door, they immediately went to snogging then undressing. They ended up shagging on the floor in the parlor before moving to the bedroom for a nap. There was little talking involved in the whole thing, and what was said wasn’t more than some instructions or encouragement or echo of pleasure. “I’m fine. The flight was delayed twice to take people off.” Remus rolled on his side to look at Sirius. “I worry every time something like that happens because I just imagine it’s going to be me.”

Sirius frowned, “Your cover is good, they’re not going to find you out.”

“It only became stronger, it seems. The orphanage where the original Remus Lupin lived burned to the ground, along with all of their records. I guess the birth records did as well. I wouldn’t be surprised if the grave marker went missing.”

“Yes, things like that tend to happen for you when you’ve got friends.” Sirius shook his head. “I mean, I don’t need that much help for my cover but a few people I know in the network that told me about things that happened to places or people of their past lives that were far too much of a coincidence.”

“Are you ever scared?” Remus moved, so he and Sirius were sharing a pillow. “I don’t know if I was scared before your network came along. I think it was because I didn’t have connections any longer. I was just worried about me and my own life. Even the people I said were my friends, were just stepping stools. Now I have this purpose.”

“I’m not very good at an existential crisis if you’re hoping for some profound advice.” Sirius laughed, turning on his side to face Remus. Sirius wanted to stay away from the thought of fear. He didn’t want to talk about the nightmares he had had every night since that day in Lublin. “Don’t let the network drag you down. You’re just a cog. What you get, is what you get for them. Just don’t give what you know away to the other side.”

Remus sighed, “I know, but it’s still stressful. I guess it’s hard to explain to someone who hasn’t been doing this all by himself as I had been.”

“I’m sure you’re doing just fine,” He leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to Remus’ lips. “Do you want something to eat?”

“Bloody hell, I’m starving,” Remus said in English, instead of the usual French he spoke with Sirius. It was heavily accented, but Sirius found it downright adorable. “I should practice it more, no? The English?”

“You’re doing very well. But you can speak whatever you want with me. Well, within German, French, English, and Italian.” Sirius chuckled before sitting up.

“I promise I don’t know more than German, French, and English. I promise to stay away from the little Yiddish that I do know. You have nothing to worry about.” Remus said as Sirius grabbed his dressing gown from the foot of his bed. The vision of the Polish boy being shot wouldn’t stop playing in his brain since Remus had asked him about being scared. He didn’t want to go there, but he wondered if he told someone it might help.

Remus seemed to have sensed something as well, “What’s wrong?”

“I was scared recently. I just don’t think it’s in the way you meant.” He sat on the edge of the bed. "I don’t want to burden—”

“What happened?”

Sirius closed his eyes, remembering what had happened about a month before. He shook his head, trying to erase the memories. “I — I found a boy hiding when I went to go appraise some art at a flat in Lublin that was being plundered.”

“Oh, Sirius.” Remus came to sit behind him.

“I was going to try to get him out of there without incident, but they found him and shot him right in front of me. It was the first time probably since I was recruited that I was scared. I walk into a den of bears all the time, and I never panic. But I felt myself panicking that day. I thought it was going to be it because I felt like I didn’t have any control over myself.”

Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius’ chest and hugged him tight from behind. “I am sure you did all you could.” He pressed a kiss to Sirius’ temple. “I wish you could have told me sooner, mon étoile. Sharing what I want to in our letters is impossible.”

“Your star?” Sirius felt something flutter in his stomach at the term of endearment.

“It was either that or mon chiot.”

“Yes, I would rather be a star than a puppy. I guess I should be glad I’m not your puppy star” Sirius smiled, relaxing into Remus embrace. He hadn’t banished the horrible feelings and memories in his brain, but Remus’ affection felt like an excellent salve on it for now. “Should I call you mon loup if we’re being obvious?”

Remus smiled against Sirius’ neck. “If you want to talk about it more, I would listen.”

“I think I want to eat now.” Sirius nodded. “Maybe later.”

“Whatever you want.” He kissed a line across Sirius’ shoulder blades before pulling back and letting Sirius stand up.

The two weeks seemed to go by in a blink of an eye with Remus in town. Sirius was happy not to have to go to another country to do any type of work in that time either. Life was easy and carefree. They sat around the flat all day, playing music and painting. Sirius attended the Remus’ concerts, and they explored the Louvre. It was complete paradise. Sirius could take his mind off of what was stirring to be a world war. He didn’t want to think of what could happen to their little bubble if bombs started to drop over Paris.

Afterwards the two weeks, he was to be summoned back to Poland then on to Austria and Germany. He had deliveries to make and things to appraise. But he didn’t want to do it. He hadn’t been back to working with the Nazis directly since he was in Lublin in October. He wasn’t there yet, though. He and Remus still had a few more hours, and he had two more days before he had to leave his comfort in Paris.

“I will miss this bed.” Remus hugged the pillow under his head. “The one back in Berlin is not so great.”

“I’m sure you’re able to buy a new one. They must pay you some sum of money to play.”

“You think they want to make me rich? No.” Remus snickered. “They like me, and want to keep me happy, but I’m not worth that much to them.”

“I’d buy you a new one, but I think it might be too intimate of a gift. People would most definitely talk.” Sirius ran his fingers through Remus’ hair. “I don’t want to go back to Poland.”

“You must, though. They’ll grow suspicious if you suddenly back out. They’re a bunch of paranoid men, you know.”

“I know.” Sirius rolled over on to his back. “It’s been a month now, and I still can’t shake what happened with that boy. What happens if more like that happens? I’ll lose it.”

“This is going to sound cold, but you have to not care about anyone else right now. You told me that last time I was here and I think I’ve been doing a good job of it.” Remus said, sitting up. “I do find myself worrying about you, but I think that’s different.”

“You worry about me?” A smile crept across Sirius’ face. His feelings for Remus were developing into much more than a surprising friendship and mutual sexual attraction. Even though the few letters they had exchanged were friendly and bland, they got him even more interested in the man. Remus was so full of life and so unexpected. They just seemed to melt into each other’s lives easier.

“Yes, it’s crazy, I know. We’ve only known one another for so little time, but I do like you.”

“You fancy me, that’s the British slang.” Sirius supplied because he knew Remus was always looking to build his vocabulary in English.

“Yes, I fancy you.”

“I fancy you too, and I worry about you all the time. I wish we were in the same city.”

“I as well.” Remus reached for a cigarette on the bedside table. “Speaking of this, I need to get ready soon.”

“I’ll be in Berlin soon enough. We could manage to meet then.”

“Yes, but we have to be more careful there,” Remus said before sliding a cigarette between his lips.

“I know.” Sirius watched the other man light the fag. “One day we won’t worry.”

“You believe we’ll make it to one day?” Remus smiled after blowing smoke towards the ceiling.

“It’s nice to think about.”

“Yes, it is nice.” Remus leaned down and kissed Sirius soundly. “I’ll take that idea with me back to Berlin, and you to Lublin.”

Sirius plucked the cigarette from Remus’ fingers and took a drag, thinking about the one day. He closed his eyes, and he could practically smell the ocean and feel the sunlight on his skin. He could hear Remus composing. He could see the paint on his paintbrush. Maybe he could make it to one day. Not long ago he didn’t think that he’d have a life past this all here. But now there was that small thought of one day.


	5. Part I: Either Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius gets a surprise visit for the New Year.

**30 December 1939**

Sirius looked over to the other side of his bed at Remus, who was stringing his violin. It was nearly midnight, and he had just come back from a concert. Sirius was surprised when he received word that the man was coming out for the weekend to ring in the New Year. He thought that Remus would have been forced to be in Berlin for some fancy do. But Sirius wondered if it was a part of Germany’s image plan. Show France a talented musician and let them see that they’re not just a bunch of warmongers. It could get the cultured Parisians on their side. Sirius wouldn’t put something like that past them.

“I feel like we’re all just waiting for something to happen,” Sirius said after a few long moments of watching Remus work. Instead of the renewal of life the new year brought, Sirius, felt as if he was looking down the barrel of a canon when he thought of 1940. This Phony War was starting to weigh on him.

“What do you mean?” Remus asked, not looking up from his violin.

“I mean, it feels like we’re stuck in this spot where every country is waiting for something to drop.”

“Like a bomb?" He spoke matter of factly. "Other countries have had that moment happen to them. Austria, Czechoslovakia, Poland, Ethiopia. We are also lucky enough to be on the outside of what is happening to people like us in Germany. If they knew I was Jewish and queer, I’d be killed or sent away. If they knew you were a spy, you’d be shot dead on the spot. They'd probably prefer you sleeping with men.”

“I know, but I feel like things are only going to get worse.”

“They always tend to before they get better.” Remus rested the violin on his shoulder then reached for his bow. “Are you not excited? Isn’t it what you signed up for? You didn’t think that it would be smooth sailing the entire time, did you? All parties and such.”

Sirius just frowned as Remus started to tune the violin. He knew that it wasn't just the pressure of impending war. He was melancholy because he hated this time of year. In the past, the holidays were spent with the Potters for the most part. He was obligated to attend some formal family events, but he got to spend the best times with the Potters. Their estate was always filled with so much happiness that it was infectious. But since committing to making his family happy with him, he had missed out on the fun. For the last two years, he had spent Hanukkah, Christmas, and the New Year alone.

But Remus was here, and he should have perked up. At least he could salvage New Year’s Eve. He had invited a few of the others in the network over to celebrate. There was Mary, a Jewish girl who worked in Dumbledore’s bakery. Sirius was never exactly told what she did, but he was told that she was smart and good at her job. Marlene was in theater. She was currently starring in Twelfth Night. She was German, growing up there until she was 13. Then her parents moved to Paris at one point. Again, her exact job description was hidden from Sirius. Then there was Peter, who was a messenger for Dumbledore. Sirius never liked him much, but he invited him because he was sure the man would be sour if he hadn’t been. Finally, Benjy was also coming. He worked closely with Caradoc in the black market.

“Stop looking like that. Your face is going to be stuck that way if the wind changes.” Remus huffed before he finally set his violin aside. “Would you like to talk about whatever it is that is on your mind? I don’t think it’s only just the impending total war that’s worrying you. Did something else happen, like what you witnessed in Lublin?”

“No, I’m just always this way,” Sirius said as he watched Remus reach for a cigarette.

“You are not.”

“I just miss my old life sometimes. Not my family but the friends that I grew up with.” Sirius said. He hadn’t talked about the Potters with Remus yet. He hadn’t talked much about how he ended up in the network, either. Remus never questioned, just like Sirius never pressed for more information about Remus, like his real name for instance. There was so much Sirius wanted to know about Remus’ life, but the more knowledge about a person meant more liability. Sometimes knowing a little less was better.

Remus lit his cigarette, taking a drag as he sat back against the headboard. He was still in his slacks, but his jacket and bowtie had been discarded, along with his shoes. His white shirt was unbuttoned, revealing his lovely neck. “What was your old life like?”

“My family is repulsive, but my friends were great. James was my best mate and grew up a ten-minute walk from me. The whole Potter lot was lovely.” Sirius hugged the pillow under his head. “Mrs Potter was always more motherly to me than my own mother. Mister Potter was warm and kind. Then James went and fell in love with this girl Lily, and she fell right into the Potter way of life.”

“Why don’t you visit them?” Remus asked, flicking the ash of the cigarette into a teacup on the nightstand that Sirius had put there for that very purpose.

“My parents hate them.” Sirius frowned. “Effie is Jewish, as is Lily. The horrible things I heard them say about them all the time. It made my blood boil.”

“They don’t know the real reason why you stayed in contact?”

“Well, Mr Potter does. You might have heard of him. He goes by Monty. His codename is Stag.”

“Oh, yes, I’ve been in contact. He’s in charge of us.” Remus’ eyes widened at the realization. “He’s the one who recruited you I take it.”

Sirius nodded, “I was about to burn myself off the Black family tapestry, but Monty stepped in to change my mind. I was an asset. I do this for them. I do this as a rebellion against my horrid family. I just can't tell anyone about anything. It’s the hardest thing sometimes. It’s only worse around this time of year.”

“I understand about it being worse this time of year,” Remus said, gesturing for Sirius to move so he could rest his head on the musician’s thigh. Sirius did as asked. “Everyone is always so happy to be with their family.”

Sirius squeezed Remus’ knee. He couldn’t begin to think of how worse things would be if the Potters weren’t alive. At least there was a chance for him to see them again and celebrate the holidays with them one more time. “I say next year we have our holidays.”

“Next year, hmm?” Remus’ fingers ran through Sirius’ hair.

“Yes, you’ll come for Hanukah, and we’ll celebrate that then Christmas then New Year again.” Sirius hoped that his gut feeling about things being worse next year was wrong.

“I like that idea.” He laughed. “We’ll get a menorah, and a Christmas tree. It’s what we did at home. Mére said that we got the best of both.”

“Potters do that too.”

“I bet I’d like them.” Remus traced a finger along Sirius’ lower lip.

“You’d love them. Everyone does.” Sirius smiled at the thought of Remus joining the Potters to celebrate Hanukah. With everything, he’d love for that to happen but he knew that it was a true pipe dream. He and Remus were spies. They had duties to fulfill. There was going to be a war on Sirius’ doorstep at any time. No telling what was going to happen after it all.

***

The next day Sirius had spent the morning getting ready for his friends to come over to ring in the New Year. He had ended up getting very sidetracked in the early afternoon by Remus. It was now nearing time for the guests to arrive. “We need to get ready,” Sirius said this but didn’t mean it because Remus’ fingers had been just doing some very wonderful things, but he was not completely satisfied. At least he was making some sort of effort.

“Tch, you’re always so concerned with time.” Remus shook his head before pasting a few wet kisses across Sirius’ shoulder blades.

“You’re German. You’re supposed to be timely.”

Remus snickered again before lightly biting at Sirius' neck. “Yes, but I’m also French.” Sirius had had plenty of bed partners, but none of them had been as generous or loving as Remus. “The French care little about time, especially when they are in bed with a gorgeous man.”

Sirius could have spent the whole day in bed with Remus. For a moment he had thought about calling his friends and telling them that he was ill so he could spend the night with Remus between his legs. He was a better host than that. Something to do with the ridiculous uptight manners that Sirius raised with, made him not give up the night in favor of Remus Lupin in his bed. He was just running around his flat like a madman to get everything in order before the first guest, Mary, showed up at their door. Remus was still finishing in the bath as he welcomed her. She gave him a sly look as he made his excuses for the man he was occasionally sharing his flat with. He was sure the rest of the network knew anyway. They were spies and trained to notice things after all.

Eventually, everyone made it to the flat, and they were enjoying a few drinks before dinner. Remus had surprised Sirius with how talented he was in the kitchen when the man offered to help Sirius cook. The other man was a wealth of surprises, it seemed. Sirius wished that he had more solid time of just them to discover them all. Whenever they were together, it felt like Sirius could hear the clock ticking in the background, reminding him that the days were numbered. He tried to tell himself that Remus and he would meet again in weeks or months time. But he was starting to wonder what would happen if war engulfed the whole of Europe, would he see Remus as much? Probably not. He couldn’t think of that now though. There was fun to be had.

The group enjoyed dinner, telling stories of the times when they thought, for sure that they were about to be found out. Sirius told the story about Remus holding the knife to his throat and the rest of the group sided with Remus. “I’m surprised you didn’t do the same thing,” Benjy had commented after hearing about the encounter. Sirius knew he would have done the same thing in Remus’ position, but he did get a good laugh out of the story when he thought about it.

There was a special connection within the group that he knew he would never be able to find anywhere else. Their lives were always on the line. There was always that fear that someone was going to be arresting them for espionage at any moment. Sirius knew too that even the group couldn’t be fully trusted with everything. They were all artfully skilled liars. It was the business to be someone else. Who was to say that they weren’t double agents? Even Remus had a million question marks around him all of the time. Sirius felt, in his gut that what they had was real, but he knew that someone smarter than he could always fool him, and Remus was ridiculously smart.

“Stop looking gloomy,” Remus whispered as the rest of the group went back to the parlor for more drinks and music to ring in the new year.

“Sorry, just thinking.” Sirius smiled. He knew that he was just over thinking things. There was no reason to doubt Remus or anyone else in his flat.

“You’re thinking all of the time. Maybe just stop, for the night.” He suggested softly. “Go, I’ll clear the plates.”

Sirius agreed and went out to the parlor where Marlene was mixing drinks from the gold drink cart by the picture window. She was wearing a sleek green dress with intricate beading, and her blonde hair was in perfect waves. She was every bit a star. Sirius wondered if she’d ever go to Hollywood. He had seen her plays a few times, and they were wonderful. “Where’s Remus?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Cleaning the dishes.”

“You found yourself a wonderful husband.” Caradoc laughed as he sat on the sofa.

Sirius just rolled his eyes.

“How do you not have any help? I for one would believe that you’d have at least one maid or something.” Peter asked.

“I don’t like others in my place.” Sirius was brought up with plenty of help. He did make friends with them because he was always curious about who they were and what they did. But he couldn’t understand hiring people to do things that he was perfectly capable of doing.

“I don’t blame you. I have a woman come clean my flat every week, and I always feel like I have to hide how terribly messy I am from her.”

“What isn’t that her purpose, to clean?” Peter snickered at Marlene.

“They do the washing of the floors and such, not the picking up your trash all over the flat you’ve left laying about for a week,” Mary said.

“Let’s change the subject, please,” Benjy said as he went over to the wireless. “This is a conversation that seems like a rich person problem.”

The group chatted about mundane things, and Remus joined them not too long after they settled in. Following a few more drinks everyone was laughing and talking loudly. Eventually, the girls wanted to dance, only Remus and Benjy wanted to join them. Sirius watched as Remus spun Marlene around, he looked far more young and carefree than Sirius had ever seen.

With the music up so loud, and everyone laughing and singing, Sirius didn’t hear the knocking on the door until Peter got out of his chair and looked down the hallway, “Maybe it’s the flat below you.”

Sirius shrugged as the dancers came to a stop. He stood up and made his way to the door. Sirius wasn’t sure what he was going to encounter. He was fairly sure it wasn’t going to be the Gestapo knocking down the door, so that was good. Maybe it was Dumbledore with word of something happening. Or it could be a neighbor annoyed with their fun. The last thing he was really expecting was James Potter in his RAF uniform, holding his cap in his hand.

“James?”

“I know it’s been some time, Sirius but I’m sure I don’t look that different. We need to talk.” He played with his cap out of nervousness.

Sirius looked behind him, wondering what the rest of the group was going to think of a random RAF pilot coming into the flat looking rather stressed out. “Right, yes, ah, come in.”

“Who is it?” Marlene called out.

“This is a bad time?” James questioned.

“Possibly but you came out here, please.” Sirius directed him inside.

James quietly followed Sirius into the parlor where everyone was sitting again, and the music was turned low. “Ah, everyone, this is my James friend from back home.” He said in French for Peter and Benjy’s sake.

“James,” Remus stood up, seeming just as surprised as Sirius had been when he had opened the door. “It’s nice to meet you.” He extended his hand. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“I have no idea what you’ve just said,” James answered, in response to Remus’ French while shaking his hand.

“Ah, sorry,” Remus repeated himself in English.

“You’ve heard a lot about me? Really?”

“Yes,” Remus nodded. “You’re one of Sirius’ favorite subjects.”

Sirius looked to Remus questioningly because he had barely spoken to James prior the night before.

“Oh,” James said before looking to the others in the room. When his eyes landed on Mary, he looked shocked. “You were at my father’s office a few days ago…”

Mary shook her said, “Je Suis désolé, Monsieur. Je ne comprends pas.” She said with a confused look on her face. Mary spoke English just fine.

“That’s… Can you ask her if she was in the UK the other week? Last Tuesday, I think.”

“James, have you gone barmy?” Sirius laughed as Remus sat back down. “I saw Mary at the bakery she runs on Tuesday.” He knew that Mary wasn’t at the bakery then because he had gone to drop off some information to Dumbledore and Mary wasn’t there. He had inquired about her and was told that she was on a business trip.

“Oh…” James didn’t believe it but didn’t have any real evidence to back himself up. Sirius hoped that he would brush it off somehow without too much prying. “Um, I’m sorry to interrupt your party, but we do really need to talk about some things. Should I leave and come back in the morning?”

“We can go, Sirius. Whatever it is, it seems like it’s important.” Mary said in French briskly, standing up. “Tell him that we were planning on going out to ring in the new year. Don’t make him feel like us leaving is his fault. Come along everyone.”

“Remus, why don’t you stay?” Marlene said in German as Sirius was explaining to James what was happening with the others. “He may need you if it’s something bad.”

“I’ll see them out.” Sirius gestured to his friends.

“I’m sorry but…”

“James, I can see these people anytime. I’m happy that you’re here.” Sirius insisted, going to walk his friends out.

“So, that’s Stag’s son?” Peter asked as they all, minus Remus, made their way to the door.

“Yes,” Sirius said. “He’s not in though.”

“Oh, that explains why he didn’t piece anything together.” Caradoc nodded when they started to leave. “We’re just going down to the closest place there is if you’re interested in coming out later.”

“We’ll see.” Sirius didn’t think that the conversation with James was going to be easy. He was sure that all he was going to want to do later was crawl into bed and sleep afterward. “Have a good night and if I don’t see you, Happy New Year.”

“See you around,” Marlene said before giving him two kisses on each cheek. “Remus is lovely, by the way. Lucky you.”

When he got back inside the flat, he found James sitting at the table in the dining room. “Where’s Remus?”

“Kitchen, making us tea. He’s… are you sweet on him?”

Sirius shrugged and took a seat across from his old friend. James knew all about his interest in the not so fairer sex and never had an issue with it. He reasoned that it was something that happened since the beginning of time, so why shouldn’t it be normal.

“Well, I think he’s a step up from that toff you saw at uni.” James was referring to Gilderoy Lockhart, and he wasn’t wrong. They weren’t exactly dating. Not that one could date another boy, you had to live in secret because back home you could go to jail for it. You couldn’t exactly walk down the street holding the man you loved hands in France, but Sirius didn’t have to worry about going to jail for the most part. There were ways people dated secretly in England, but Sirius was not doing those things with Gilderoy.

“Gilderoy was an arsehole.”

“I know. Thank goodness that wasn’t what you found attractive in him, apparently.”

Sirius laughed as Remus came out with the tray and set in on the table. “I’m taking my cup in the— my room.”

“Thanks,” James said with a grin.

“Merci mon loup,” Sirius smiled before Remus gave a little smile and nod then left the room. “What is it that was so important you needed to come out here? Is everyone okay?”

“Well, I’m not sure if okay is the term to use. Father seems abnormally busy at the office.” James was under the assumption that his father worked in the agricultural department. “We’ve taken in some kids from London, and a very pregnant woman at the estate, so Mummy is always busy. Not that she minds that is.”

“You joined the RAF.”

“Yes, we all have to do our part.”

Sirius frowned because he knew that some sort of plea was coming from James. He was going to have to lie even more to James.

“You need to come back home, Sirius. The Nazis are going to barrel right on through to Paris eventually. You can’t just sit here and have fancy dos with your mates all the time.”

“I can’t come home.” Sirius shook his head. “I would love to come see everyone, but I have to be here.”

“What does an art seller need to be in Paris for? You’re not going to have a market soon enough. Rationing is going to be starting soon. No one is going to be able to afford to buy paintings. If you think you’ll have to stay with your parents back home, I’m sure we can find room at the estate for you. Mum would love it. You’re going to have to join up eventually too.”

Except he was all joined up. He had been serving his country for a few years now. Sirius was already busy putting his life on the line for his country while James was working becoming a solicitor. But he couldn’t tell James that. He had to bullshite his way out of responsibility like he had been doing for years now with all the Potters, except for Monty. “I have no interest in joining any army or navy or what have you,” Sirius said as James went to fix himself a cup of tea.

“Do you know what’s going on out there?”

Sirius was screaming in his head about how he was witnessing firsthand what was happening out there. He had been in places that were devastated by the Nazis. He walked through peoples homes and helped steal their things. He saw a boy get shot in front of his eyes. But he had to be silent. One day he would tell James everything but he couldn’t, not yet. It would break so many covers. “Yes, I’m not completely daft. I just don’t know how it involves me.” Sirius hated having to be cold and distant.

“Sitting in an ivory tower, is dangerous, Sirius. How can you be such a Black with who you are? They’re so traditional, and you’re not at heart. It’s almost disgusting.”

“If I disgust you, then maybe you shouldn’t be here.”

“Oh, bugger off Sirius, you know what I’m saying. They hurt you so much growing up, but you have no problem with living off their money here.”

Sirius clenched his jaw and reached for the teapot because he didn’t know what else to do or say. He couldn’t bring himself to lie anymore to his best friend. “I don’t understand why you needed to come all the way out here to do this. You knew I was going to say no.”

“I came all the way here because I’m worried for my best mate. War is coming, and you’re sitting in the eye—”

“As in London, James. As are you, you’re going to be shooting down Fritz left and right soon enough. I’m just as secure here as I am back home. I’m more secure than you.”

“I honestly don’t know what happened to you.” James sat back him his chair, looking defeated. “You used to be all spit and vinegar when it came to how you were going to live life out from under the thumb of your family.” He shook his head.

“I don’t know James. I realized I wasn’t going to be able to change the world. I grew up. You’re still a little boy playing soldier.”

“Fuck you,” James slammed a fist on the table. “You’re not who I thought you were, you know? You’re such a contradiction. You’re bloody family sides with the Nazis, who hate people like my family because we’re Jewish. The nasty things they said about my dad marrying my mother. The nasty things they probably say about Lily and me. They wouldn’t be too fond of you, you know. You and your boyfriend, shacking up. They'd report you to the police the moment you stepped foot back on English soil if they knew.”

“You can go home.” Sirius shook his head. He just wanted James to leave because if he could tell him the truth, then he didn’t want to speak to him at all. “Please, leave.”

“Fine. I tried. I’m done trying.” James stood up. “If you ever decide to change your goddamn mind, I’ll be off probably fighting somewhere in Europe. Good luck.”

Sirius closed his eyes. Once he heard James leave, he opened his eyes to see Remus standing in the doorway. “So, you were listening.”

“I’m a spy. It’s my job to listen to conversations I'm not involved in.” Remus knelt down next to Sirius. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s the consequence of the job,” Sirius said, feeling a tear escape his eyes and begin its way down his cheek.

Remus reached up and wiped the tear with his thumb. “I’m glad I have no real connections. It seems so hard.” He took Sirius’ hand and kissed his palm. “One day you’ll get to tell him who you are and what you did, and he’s going to be so proud.”

“What if I never get that chance?” Sirius took a deep breath. It felt like, in his heart, that that was the last time he’d ever see James Potter.

“He’ll know, in the end — either way, he’ll know.”


	6. Part II: Hello, Old Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The war creeps closer to Sirius’ home in Paris.

**2 June 1940**

It wasn’t all too shocking when the news of the Nazis invading France, Belgium, Luxembourg, and the Netherlands broke back in May. It wasn’t a surprise when Holland fell. Then Belgium followed suit. The Germans had been quiet regarding the wheeling and dealing of art while throwing their extravagant parties before the moves that they made. Sirius knew something was going on, as did the rest of his network. There was little they could do because the lines of communication were limited to Dorcas and Remus for the most part. If those two were giving Dumbledore and Monty anything, it was not coming back to Sirius.

The only things he had received from Remus were a few letters and a couple of postcards in his travels. He loved the simple connection that they could have, but it wasn’t bearing much fruit concerning intel or love. Sirius and Remus had thought of coming up with a code, but they didn’t have much time for that during his last visit. Sirius was busy in Paris making forgeries of paintings that the French were currently carting out of the Louvre and hiding in villas across the country. Sirius even took some into his place, hiding them in the best places that he had. He hoped the forgeries would throw off the Germans from at least a few of the major works. He knew that it wouldn’t fill their greediness completely.

Remus was busy in Germany, and a few other state-approved places. He was playing for happy Nazi crowds, slowly rising in popularity. The Nazis had even let him go to New York City to play at some symphony hall. Sirius was shocked that was able to happen, but Remus informed him that two wonderful men from the government had accompanied him on the trip. Remus was becoming a sensation overseas and throughout Europe. It was fantastic for his cover, but not so wonderful for Sirius’ selfishness. He wanted the other man all to himself, but it had been months since they had seen one another. There was no set time that he would see Remus again, either.

But that was the way life for the time being. He couldn’t exactly change it. The dominos were all falling. All those shoes were dropping. Everything was coming together. There were going to be new trials and tribulations for himself, and for Remus. He felt scared, the same type of fear he experienced in Lublin nearly a year ago now. The risks were growing for everyone, and he had even more of a duty to carry it out to his best abilities. Soon the Nazis would be in Paris, who knew what that was going to be like. War was coming, and it was knocking at his door.

— No, someone was knocking at his door.

Sirius didn’t recognize the redhead on the other side of his door when he had opened it. The courier didn’t say a word. He just handed Sirius an envelope then took off just as silently as he came, leaving Sirius standing in the doorway looking at the wall. Thankfully, in his line of work, he was used to brief and strange encounters like that happening to him regularly.

_Dear Cousin,_

_The weather seems like it is going to be gloomy in the coming days. I hope that you don’t get stuck in any storms._

_Andromeda_

Sirius furrowed his brow. What was his cousin Andromeda doing contacting him? She had been the black sheep of the family when she had married Ted Tonks, an African-American man, a few years ago. It was about the time that Sirius had been about a year or so before Sirius was recruited into the SIS. She lived in Rouen, which was only less than a two-hour drive to Paris, but he never saw her. He didn’t want to seek her out either because she was basically in Black exile. She was given money to stay out of the public eye and all but disappeared. Sirius had envied her as a child. She was brass and brilliant. She did everything that she wasn’t supposed to do as a woman — especially as a woman from the House of Black.

The letter was clearly code. It wasn't complicated code, but it was still code. He assumed that it was talking about war, and probably something occurring in Paris from how simple it was. But the most curious thing was, why on earth was Andi the one who was sending it to him? Instead of standing there and guessing any longer Sirius got himself together and made his way to Dumbledore’s to get some solid answers.

Paris had already been preparing for war outside of the walls of Sirius’ flat. On top of shipping out some of the most valuable of their art, the city had dug trenches in city squares and parks for bomb shelters, as well as signs put up with instructions on where to go in case of an air raid back in 1939. In the winter Sirius received a ration card, as did the rest of the city’s citizens. But this didn’t kill Paris’ life as the entertainment capital of Europe as there were still happenings at theaters and cafés across the city nightly. Recently, the British were evacuating Dunkerque, so the city was bursting at the seams with tired refugees from the area of the battle. His Paris, though it looked and sounded the same, it felt much different.

When he made into the bakery, Mary was behind the counter, looking bored. Sirius walked in, giving her a nod before going back to where Dumbledore’s office was located. Dumbledore was at his desk, which seemed to be continually messy these days. He didn’t say anything for as he read the note, Sirius handed to him. He put it down and pushed his glasses up his nose after he dropped the paper. “They’re going to bomb Paris. Make sure your things are secure and find somewhere safe to be until things settle down. I think your area is safe due to its location, who knows these days.”

“So, my cousin is in the network?” Sirius sat down in the chair across from Dumbledore’s desk.

“Yes,” Dumbledore said simply. “She’s relatively new to it, but we’re going to need all the help that we can get. Having someone out in that area is good for us.”

“Will she be safe? She has a child.”

“I know. I think that she’s going to be safer working with us then working alone. She’ll have the intel if anything is going to occur that she needs to know about. Actually, I’m sending you to Rouen today.” He made the choice quickly. “It will get you out of the city to safety for a while. You’ll also be able to see how she’s doing and if there’s anything she needs.”

There was a very good reason that Sirius had not seen Andi in such a long time. He had his cover to keep and being seen with an exiled Black was the last thing that he needed. He was going to have to come up with a good story about seeing Andi. “But she’s the black sheep. If word gets out that--”

“I wouldn’t worry about it. I’ll take care of anything if anything does come up. For now, you’re just worried about a distant relative. No one near Andromeda knows about her past, that’s why she moved there. Your German contacts are too busy right now to care about anything that is happening with their favorite art dealer. They’ll probably be happy that you’re going to survive and live to see another day to sell more paintings.”

“Fine.”

“It was an order. You didn’t have much of a choice.” Dumbledore said with a sigh. “Off you go, it might take a while to get out there with the refugee crisis as it is right now.”

An hour later Sirius was on the road to Rouen to see his long-lost cousin. He was feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness with everything that was going on. Sirius sped out on the open road between the cities once he was free from the crush of traffic in the city. Sirius knew that in the coming days or weeks, the roads leading out of the city to the countryside were going to be just as bad. But there was probably going to be nowhere to run. The Germany army was steamrolling over everyone and everything, it was only a matter of time before the French were speaking German and the Parisian cafés were going to be filled with Nazis eating all the good food.

Sirius made it to his cousin’s in probably record-breaking time. He was known to be a bit of a speed demon when he was younger. It was a lovely little house outside of city proper. It was something that the Blacks would have looked down their noses at because of how simple it was. Sirius thought it was perfect. The only thing he thought that it was missing was a view of the sea. It would have made it perfect then. He didn’t mind the fields of different flowers that were in view, though.

As he put his car into park, a short little girl with pigtails came skipping out of the house. It must have been the Nymphadora, Andi and Ted’s daughter. She was around six, just the right age. Sirius got out of the car, and the girl ran over to him with a big grin, “Are you, Sirius?”

“Yes, you are Nymphadora?”

“I am! Maman said you’d probably be coming. Papa is in New York City. Do you know where that is?” She babbled.

Sirius laughed, “I do. What is Papa doing there?”

“I don’t know. Something to do with being safe. I don’t know. It’s probably because of the bad people that are coming. They don’t like other people.”

“They don’t, do they?” Sirius frowned as he looked up to see his cousin walk out. Her black hair was done in a plait coming down over her shoulder. She was wearing a linen floral dress and a big grin on her face. She was still as tall and as strong as Sirius had remembered her.

“I see that you got my message,” Andi said with a little laugh.

“Yes, I did. How did you get it to me and how do you know?”

“I have my ways, and I’m sure you have yours. Come on. We’ll have tea. Nym, why don’t you go down the Weasley’s.”

Once Nym was off towards the house down the way, Sirius followed his cousin inside. The home inside was just as pleasant and quaint as it was on the outside. “It has been a while,” Sirius said as she went to fill the kettle.

“I know, I thought you had become one of them. It was a great relief when I was approached, and Monty told me that you were just playing the part. Thank god, because I always believed that you got the good genes as I did. We lucked out there.” She set the kettle on the hob before coming to sit with Sirius at the table.

“Yes, thank god. So, Monty contacted you?”

“I’m a Brit living in France, who is educated and grew up in the Black household where I learned how to scheme and such. I’m not doing much right now. I’m sort of a go-between. I’m going to assume things are going to become more interesting soon. I just wish that I could have sent Nym off with Ted for her to be safe.”

“What is Ted doing in The States?”

“I made him move back there because the Nazis won’t treat us very kindly if they find out we’re married. It’s safer for him there too, ironically. The Germans will throw him in camp right away. I managed to get Nym and me papers, saying I my husband and I adopted her and my husband died last year. She’s very light, so I’m hoping…” She trailed off and shook her head.

“You couldn’t have gone with him?”

“I couldn’t get a visa.” Andi grimaced and clenched her fists. “Bloody Americans are useless. They wouldn’t even just let Nym go with him, and she’s a child for god sakes. I just hope I can keep her safe here.”

“I’ll do whatever I can.”

“Thank you.” She sighed as the kettle whistled. “Now, tell me, how are you? We’ve talked enough about me for right now.”

Sirius shrugged and rested his head on his hand, “Just working. I don’t do much else but deal with art and Nazis. It’s either one thing or another.”

“Any girls?”

He laughed loudly, “No.”

“Ah, I always thought so. A boy, right?” She raised an eyebrow out of curiosity.

“You thought?”

“It’s just a feeling. So is it?”

“Yes.” Sirius smiled, thinking about Remus.

“He must be something if he has you looking as if you had a few drinks. Tell me about him, then. I’m sure you always want to go on and on but you can’t because of, well, people don’t like different.” She waved a hand.

“Ah, he’s actually in the network. He’s German and French and plays violin. He’s ridiculously talented. I could just lay about and listen to him play all day. He’s smart and sweet. I don’t think I have enough words to describe him. I’m doing him a great injustice here.”

“You love him?” She set a cup of steeping tea in front of him.

Sirius had yet to say it out loud and avoided thinking about it much, but he did. It was a big deal because he had never really thought he end up being in love. This world wasn’t meant for their type of love, either. Things were so complicated, and he didn’t know if he could ever really tell Remus. He had so much more important things to worry about than a few words. “Maybe.”

“I’m sure that you do, but you’re not ready to say it yet. I hope I can meet him one day.”

“I’m sure you will.”

Sirius and Andi spoke for a long time at the table about everything from the Blacks to the rationing to how being in espionage was perfect for them because they grew up trying to be something that they weren’t. As strange and out of the blue this was, it made Sirius felt secure to have another lifeline in the network. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to travel out to see her or communicate with her outside of the network correspondence, but it was still a good feeling.

***

In the following days, the state of things deteriorated quickly for France. Andi’s intel was very right. Sirius knew that it was only a matter of time that France would fall to the control of the Nazis. The Germans bombed Paris on June 3rd, and by June 10th the city was declared an open city. This meant that it was just a matter of time before the Nazis because the French weren’t even going to try to defend it. Having grown up part-time in Paris, it hurt his heart that the French were just going to let it fall. He knew there wasn’t much choice. Millions of innocent people were at risk of dying if they didn’t just roll over. If they continued fighting, they probably would have lost anyway. The French army was no match for the Germans at that point. They needed far more support.

Sirius made his way back to Paris once things had settled in case the occupation forces found Sirius at his cousin’s in Rouen. He seemed to be one of the only people willingly making his way back as people were leaving the city in droves. There were cars, baggage, and even people abandoned on the side of the roads. The closer he got to the city, the more he saw the destruction of the German bombs. In the city Nazi flags were waving from government buildings, Gestapo and SS were in the streets. The average Parisian was either not in the city or looking miserable as they went about their day. Sirius wasn’t sure how life could be normal for anyone with an invasion going on. But he did know that you had to just go on, no matter the state of things around you.

Streets were closed, making his commute to his flat a little harder than it should have been. Some of it was due to the road being impassible due to debris from the bombing, others Sirius couldn’t tell, but they were sandbagged and were blocked by Germans. Even though it was nice to see Andi, it was a tense time to be together. France was succumbing to the Nazis. People were dying. They were going to put on new missions at any time. Sirius knew there would be a resistance of some sort, somewhere in the country and that he would have to aide it through his veil of collaboration with the Nazis.

When Sirius finally made it to his flat, he found a note waiting for him slipped under his door. He was hoping for correspondence from Remus. He hadn’t heard from him in ages with everything going on. Of course, it wasn’t from Remus or anyone that he honestly would have enjoyed a letter from. It was from Kommandant Roitegg, one of his least favorite people.

_Herr Black,_

_I’m sure that you’ll be pleased to know that I have been relocated to here in Paris. I look forward to working with you more. I hope all the commotion here didn’t cause too much issue for you and that you’re back in Paris sooner than later. When you do return, I would like to set up a time to talk to you about furnishing my new quarters here._

_Kommandant Roitegg_


	7. Part II: Some Lagging Morale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus is in the city, and it’s all fine and dandy until it’s not.

**9th November 1940**

The hot, cruel summer in Nazi-occupied Paris gave way to a cold, drab fall. Sirius had witnessed the resistance movement begin to rise in Paris over those summer months. At first it was quiet murmurings. Phone lines were severed, propaganda posters were vandalized, and German vehicles had their tires slashed. There was also a few underground newspapers set up. As the weeks wore on, and people began to disappear, the resistance grew more agitated and bold. The first résistant was killed by Germans in August and paraded down the street on the cheering Nazis. If the French were offended by it, there was barely a whisper that Sirius heard.

In July, Churchill gave the orders to ‘set Europe ablaze’ as the Special Operations Executive was formed. This was where Monty’s former SIS branch D was out of now. Sirius was still doing his usual job as resistance groups were being set up that summer. He was helping Nazis find the art that he had a hand in hiding, which meant a lot of pretending that forgeries were the real thing. It wasn’t as exciting as working underground, but it was still critical work.

Just six days ago, Goering had visited Je de Paume, and Sirius had to join him to help him pick out some works for his own personal collection. Sirius watched the vile man pick some Rembrandt's and Van Dyck’s to bring home for himself, as well as some gifts for Hitler. The man took fifteen masterpieces back to Germany with him. Sadly none of the paintings were forgeries. On top of that, he did some assessing of various German plunder, and he attended fancy balls for Germans all over Nazi-occupied Europe. Sirius was doing all that he could to appear to be on the side of the Nazis, just as he was doing before.

While he was busy with that, the Nazis and collaborating Vichy government set up anti-Semitic laws in both the occupied and unoccupied zones. Jews were required to register, and they were banned from practicing things like law and medicine. They couldn’t attend university. They couldn’t go practically anywhere, being banned from attending movies, going to cafes and restaurants, shopping at markets, or swimming pools. They couldn’t even own radios or bicycles. They had to ride in the last carriage of the Metro. Outside of some of the resistance and his network, Sirius heard no disagreement to all of these laws from the people of Paris, who had their own prejudices and also felt that their own worries outweighed others.

It didn’t help that for those who did speak up things usually didn’t end well. The Gestapo began to rely on French citizens to find who was in the resistance. They didn’t seem to have a problem finding people who were willing to talk. He was asked many times if there were people that he thought were a problem. He did give names of two people, both of who were known collaborators, but with fewer ties than Sirius. Dumbledore had told him to comply when he could but avoid giving innocent names away if possible. So when he gave anything away, it was people who were on the Nazi’s side but could be seen as a danger. Roitegg trusted him far more than any regular Frenchman. He was practically one of them in Roitegg’s eyes. That was all thanks to the horrible Black lineage.

One good thing that had come about was the fact the Remus was going to be visiting Paris for an unknown period of time. It had been well over a half a year since Sirius had seen Remus. Their letters were few and far between, but they were still in touch. When Sirius got word that Remus was going to be coming to now Nazi-occupied Paris to entertain the Germans and wealthy sympathizers, Sirius could barely contain himself. Roitegg asked Sirius to lodge Remus because he worried about the man playing the violin at odd hours and keeping the rest of the hotel guests awake. It wasn’t really a request, it was more of a demand, but obviously Sirius had no issues with it.

At half six Sirius nearly jumped out of his skin when there was a knock on the door. Sirius did his best not to get overexcited because he didn’t know if Remus would have Roitegg in tow with him.

Luckily with Remus was just some lower SS officer, carrying two bags for the violinist. Sirius directed the officer to Remus’ room and stepped aside to let the two men in. As Remus passed to go inside, his hand brushed against Sirius’. “It’s good to see you, Herr Black.” He said with a little smirk as the man went towards the room that was meant to be Remus’ the whole stay, but they both knew that he would be in Sirius’ bed every night.

“You as well.” Sirius smiled as they came to a stop in the middle of the area between the dining room and parlor. “Tea?”

“Ah, no thank you, Herr Black.” Remus glanced down the hall then rolled his eyes.

Sirius held back a chuckle, “Are you hungry then, Herr Lupin? I did make sure to stock up on some of your favorites.”

“No, I’m very in need of a bed,” Remus said with a drawn-out sigh.

The officer came out, and Sirius made a brief attempt at small talk before sending the man off. He walked him to the door, telling him to give Sirius’ regards to the Kommandant.

“Heil Hitler,” Said the officer after agreeing to pass along the information to Roitegg.

“Heil Hitler,” Sirius said with the fakest grin he could muster before finally closing the rest of the world out. “Fucking hell, I’ve missed you,” Sirius said as he joined Remus in the parlor again. “It’s been ages.”

“I know.” Remus pulled him close to him and pressed their lips together. It was slow as if they were remembering what each other felt like. “Bloody war.” He said in English when he pulled back for a breath.

“Bloody war.” Sirius repeated softly, brushing his lips against Remus’.

“They wouldn’t let me leave Germany for ages. I was starting to worry that they caught on but I think they were just protecting me. Or they were afraid I’d make a run for it. Either one, I’m not sure, but I’m happy to be here now.” Remus circled his arms around Sirius’ waist, slipping back into French. “How has it been here?”

“Just as you’d expect. We’re basically Germany now, so it’s not different from being in Berlin. It’s surreal because it’s the strangest mix of Parisian and German. There’s resistance brewing, but nothing has really bubbled up quite yet, just some small things.”

“As is happening everywhere else.” Remus pulled back and took Sirius’ hand.

“They’re bombing the shite out of Britain.” Sirius grimaced as they made their way to his bedroom.

“Are you worried about James?”

“Of course I am.” Sirius’ stomach was in knots every time that he heard that there was another assault on the island. James was up there in the air defending Blighty, and there were a few people on the ground in England that he cared about as well. “Who knows what he’s getting himself into.”

“It’s strange, the different levels and ways we’re putting our selves in danger, isn’t it? James is up there being shot at, and we’re here blatantly lying our way into the good graces of the Nazis to try to get a little bit of information with the risk of being shot daily.” Remus said as Sirius fell into his bed, flopping onto his back. Remus sat down a bit more elegantly next to him. “Speaking of, how your entire day with Goering?”

“Ugh, god, it was awful. It was more than a day, as well.”

“Did he get mostly forgeries or the real works?”

“Real works, sadly.”

“You can only make so many.”

“We could only save so much as well. Do you know they’re making all art public property? Well, the art that isn’t in their hands. They made people send their pieces in.” Sirius closed his eyes. “This is people’s property that is just being handed over.”

“I know, mon étoile,” Remus whispered, moving closer to Sirius and resting his hand on his chest. “Do you think that they’ll ever see their things again?”

“I hope.” Sirius opened his eyes. “I think that I don’t want to think much about this anymore.”

“I can make you put your mind on other things. That was my original plan, but we got off topic.” Remus leaned down, hovering close to Sirius’ lips.

“By all means, please go back to the original plan.” Sirius pulled Remus down, crushing their lips together. Instead of the slow kiss from earlier. Being separated for so long didn’t put out the flame that Sirius had for him, the feeling seemed mutual from Remus. Maybe the idea that absences making the heart grow fonder was a real thing, not just some saying that he heard from time to time.

When they were laying in bed afterward, in a wonderful blissed out state, Sirius’ mind began to supply him with some coherent thoughts. There was one that he kept coming back to: he loved Remus. He knew this some time ago. He couldn’t exactly pinpoint when. It was obviously before he had spoken with Andi because that wasn’t too shocking when she had asked him. What was surprising to Sirius, was that he wanted to tell Remus that he loved him. He always said to himself that there was no room for such deep feelings when it came to his work.

***

In the days that followed Remus’ arrival, Sirius had spent almost an intolerable amount of hours schmoozing with the Nazi High Command in Paris. He was setting up a channel to work a few pieces he had ready from the Black Market to sell. He hadn’t dealt anything from the market lately because of everything that had been going on, but things seemed like they were going to picking up there again. The Nazis were comfortable in Paris, it seemed, so Sirius had plenty of time to spend dealing with them — and getting information out of them.

Luckily for him, Remus was also at some of those parties that Sirius was forced to attend. The violinist was playing for the entertainment of the Nazis, as was what he always did. Sirius hated how the man was treated at those events. Remus was a fantastic musician, but he was being held to playing in limited capacities because the High Command fancied him their plaything. Before the enormous empire expansion of the Germans, Remus was allowed to play all over. Now, it seemed like they only wanted him in certain places — like Paris and Berlin and Vienna. Nazi-sanctioned places.

Sirius knew that Remus didn’t care where he was playing because that wasn’t really his job, just like Sirius’ job wasn’t buying and selling paintings. Their real jobs were espionage. But he knew in another life their real job could have been playing violin and selling paintings. Sometimes he thought about that, and how if it were that way then he probably would not have met Remus Lupin. That was a sad realization because he didn’t want to be happy about this situation at all. But it did give him his lifeline.

After a few days of pleasing the Germans at various events around the city, Remus had a day off that also coincided with Sirius. That day was, of course, spent in bed for the most part. Late in the afternoon, Remus had to meet with Benjy to pass along some information. Sirius took the opportunity to go and paint. It had been so long since Sirius had the time to paint for his own enjoyment. He was normally matching every stroke of brush to another painting, not being able to express himself. He honestly couldn’t remember the last time that he painted something of his own.

When Remus left, Sirius set up an easel then went about picking his colors. He wasn’t positive what he wanted to paint, but he knew that he wanted it in mostly earth tones with some bright yellows and reds. Those were the colors he always thought of with Remus, so he wasn’t really surprised when he automatically went for them. Once he was sitting on his stool in front of the blank canvass, he closed his eyes found the first image that came to his mind. Remus on the beach somewhere in the South of France. The cool blue ocean, the warm sand. It was the opposite environment from what they were currently in. Beautiful and open versus oppressive and cold.

Sirius wasn’t sure how long he was painting before he was interrupted, “They've bombed Coventry.” Remus’ voice made him jump, which caused him to drag his paintbrush up and leaving an ugly mark that he didn’t want in what was the ocean. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I thought you heard me call your name.” He said, moving closer to where Sirius was sitting on his stool.

“It’s okay. I was in my own head a bit. I can fix it. What happened in Coventry I didn’t really process that?” He set his brush down and turned to look at Remus.

“Nazis took out nearly 30 war factories and destroyed thousands of buildings. No word on how many people are dead but it can’t be good.”

Sirius closed his eyes and let out a long breath. “It feels like we’re never going to be able to stop them sometimes.”

“I know, but you can’t let your morale get down.” Remus rubbed his hand between his shoulder blades. “Dumbledore would probably give you some long, rousing speech now if we knew where he was.”

Sirius had gone to the bakery to find that it was boarded up with the word “Juden, ” and the star of David painted on the door. His stomach was in knots, nervous that something had happened, but the red-headed courier that had delivered the note from Andi had sat next to him on a bench in the park that was between his flat and Dumbledore’s old office. He said that their mutual friend was fine and to wait. “Hopefully we hear from him soon, it’s been days.”

“Can you get in touch with Monty?”

“If I needed to, but I have nothing of importance right now. I’m just feeling blue. I have you to cheer me up for that, though.”

Remus smiled before moving his attention to the painting. “That’s a beautiful work. What is it you’re painting?” Remus moved closer to the canvas, taking his hand off of Sirius’ back.

“It’s you. Well, I haven’t done you yet. It’s the ocean right now.”

“It makes me wish I was there. I just realized I’ve never seen anything you’ve done outside of your forgeries and maybe a few sketches. Nothing like this, this looks like your real passion.”

“This is a Black original.” Sirius snickered. “The first I’ve done in ages, honestly.”

“I wish you had the time to do more.”

“What I’ve been doing is more important than my hobby.”

“I’m sure if there weren't a war on, this would be far more than a hobby.” Remus pressed a kiss to Sirius’ temple before going to back away. “I’ll stop bothering you and let you keep painting.”

“No, stay. You’re certainly not a bother.” Sirius frowned as he reached out to grab both of Remus’ hands to make sure that he didn’t go anywhere. “Or I’ll come with you. I don’t want to waste any time that you’re here with me.”

“You were very into this, keep going.”

“Bring your violin, in and play for me.”

“You won’t even hear me when you get back to it.” Remus chuckled softly. “But if that’s what you want.”

“Yes, that’s what I want. I think about doing this with you all the time. You playing your violin and me painting.” Sirius let go out Remus’ hands. “Now, off you go for your violin. We have some very important work to do.”

***

A week later Remus was still in Paris. The Nazis hadn’t told Remus the exact period of his stay, which was a bit unnerving because they normally had plans for Remus down to the hour done. But they didn’t complain about spending more time together when neither of the men was busy working. It was late in the afternoon, and they were sitting in the parlor of Sirius’ flat listening to some classical record what Remus had put on. Remus was laid across the sofa, with his feet on Sirius’ lap. Sirius was halfheartedly reading a book.

The musician was going on about how his parents always put it on when he was a child. It was a rare moment that Remus was speaking of his past. Sirius liked adding to what he knew about Remus. The book of Remus’ life in Sirius’ head was missing many blank pages — especially in the early years of his life. His knowledge of Remus only went back as far as when Remus’ parents were killed.

“What were your parents' names?” Sirius asked out of curiosity.

Remus paused for a moment and furrowed his brow as if he forgot. Had he been Remus Lupin for so long or was it something else? Was he afraid to tell Sirius the name of his parents, in fear that he might go and look further into his past? Sirius didn’t like to spend much time thinking about the possibility that Remus could be something that he wasn’t. “Lyall and Nadya.”

“What was your name?”

Remus raised an eyebrow, “Isn’t that too much for you to know?”

“I don’t know, is it?” Sirius said defensively. It probably was too much information, but he thought that if he loved someone, then he should know as much about them as he could. It had nothing to do gaining intelligence. “Sorry, I am just interested you and your life. I don’t have ulterior motives.”

“I just don’t want so much information out there. What happens if you get captured, and they try to make you talk.”

“I think I have more than enough information on you and everyone else in the network as it is to make sure no one would see sun again. Not that I would give any one of you up.”

“Sorry, it’s a reflex to sharing a lot of information.” Remus pulled his legs off of Sirius’ lap to sit up next to him instead. “We’re close but…”

“I know.” Sirius moved to rest his head on Remus’ shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

Before Remus could reply there was a knock on the door. Sirius pushed himself off the sofa to answer the door without a word to his companion. They weren’t expecting someone, so he had a feeling that it wasn't going to be anyone that he particularly wanted to see. He went into the mindset that behind the door was Roitegg, so if it weren’t then whoever it was wouldn’t be such a letdown.

It was just the ginger currier that kept appearing, “Found our friend.” He grinned.

“Want to come in?” Sirius gestured behind him.

The courier looked at him then nodded, “Probably better than standing here.”

“You weren’t followed, were you?” Sirius held a hand up.

“No, I’m very good at my job.” The ginger rolled his eyes.

Sirius let the messenger inside then showed him into the parlor. “Remus, this is apparently one of our couriers— ah, I’m sorry I don’t know your name.”

“Gideon.” The ginger supplied, extending his hand to Remus who had stood up to greet him. “You’re Moony.” That was Remus’ codename. “I’ve heard about you, and you’re Padfoot. You two are practically celebrities in underground.”

“Celebrities?” Sirius furrowed his brow, feeling a bit sick. He didn’t want to be well known for anything at the moment. Especially well known in a group of spies. How was he supposed to be undercover when people knew about him.

“It’s only people working for the SIS,” Gideon said.

“That doesn’t make us feel any better.” Remus huffed and folded his arms. “What is it you’re here for?” The other man was already annoyed with Sirius’ questioning. This wasn’t going to make for a very pleasant night.

“Right, Merlin’s now running out of the basement flat across from Picasso’s.” Merlin was Dumbledore’s codename, and Picasso was Caradoc’s.

“Good, I’m going to go read in my room. Have a good night,” Remus said curtly then he took his leave.

“So, he’s not happy?”

“No.” Sirius snickered. “Thank you for letting us know. Would you like a cup of tea?”

“No thank you, I have a few more messages to get to. See you around, Padfoot.”

Once Sirius saw Gideon out he found Remus in his room, the room that he never used but was supposed to be his guest room. Remus was holding onto a heavy green book, but not reading it. He had a blank expression on his face, but the grip on the book was tight. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine.” Remus set the book aside on the bed. “I was just reminded why I hate working with other people. Why do they talk about us?”

“We get to go on brilliant and dangerous missions?” Sirius sat on the edge of the bed. “It’s not ideal, and I’ll talk to Dumbledore, but there’s not much that can be fixed now.”

Remus just nodded. “I’d like to be alone now, please.”

“Right, yes, of course. If you need anything…”

Remus just rolled over, putting his back to Sirius.

Sirius left the room to contemplate the last half hour with Remus. If he read deep into it, he’d have to think that there was more going on than just his worries about working with others. The last thing he needed to do was doubt, Remus. His gut was still telling him that Remus was completely trustworthy, but his brain was beginning to think that there was far more to the man than he wanted to believe. Then his heart was telling him that he loved the man. If only his over-thinking brain was telling him that something was off, then it had to be wrong. There’d been so many times in the past where he had over thought things

It was all too complicated, something he didn’t need on top of everything else he had to juggle with his work. But even if he managed to stop caring for Remus, it would bother his job. Remus was in the ring. He wasn’t going anywhere. He needed to figure out a way to stop those little doubts that were creeping in because they weren’t going to help anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remus’ mum’s name is Hope but Nadya means hope in terms of French names


	8. Part II: Boredom, Babies, and Benjy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius gets some news that should be nice but it just makes him upset. Remus visits and tells him something that does make him happy. But that happiness can’t last long.

**20 July 1941**

There were times he was upset of not seeing much action. He was working, but it wasn’t as intensive as he thought it would be with the Nazis now living in Paris. He attended parties, went to rallies, and did as any good faux collaborator would. It was a whole lot of nothing for those small, sweet pieces of information. It was necessary information, so he shouldn’t complain about how he got it. For instance, he probably saved a few foreign Jews before the other week when he heard from some brownshirt at a party they were going to be rounding them up to send them away somewhere else in France. That intel was invaluable according to Dumbledore.

Things with Remus were fine. They weren’t spectacular, but they were better than he thought they were going to be after the incident with Gideon and Sirius asking what his real name was. Before he had left back in November, Remus had apologized for acting like an arse. Sirius accepted it because he really did want it to be okay. Sirius did some work looking into Remus when he had visited Berlin back in February to ease his brain from overthinking about it, but couldn’t find anything. Probably it was because he had nothing to worry about. If no one else had any worries, and he couldn't find a thing, then everything was okay.

Outside of endless pondering on Remus and attending parties with the High Command in Paris, Sirius spent most of his time not in boredom helping getting messages to the faction of the resistance he was connected to. Mary had moved to be highly active in the resistance, so she was the main point of contact for him. She was an invaluable piece to the underground paper, Le Chicaneur. Close to her was Fabian Prewett, Gideon’s twin brother, as well as Xenophilius and Pandora Lovegood. There were others like Frank and Alice Longbottom who helped when they could but they were mostly busy running the underground radio station for the SOE in another part of Paris. Both facets were important to getting information out to people.

On that particular day, Sirius was at the current headquarters of Le Chicaneur to drop off a letter that had been passed to him. Just like with everything in the resistance and the SOE, the headquarters tended to be moved every other week. It kept the Nazis off their trails. It also helped if a résistant had been taken in and gave away the secrets of the network. The Germans were capturing people in the resistance almost daily. Many of them turned because of threats to their families, which stressed Sirius out a great deal even though he did his best not to think about it. He only interacted with a small group of people, all of whom his gut said he could trust. He also limited his time at the headquarters in case he met people he did not want to come across.

“Hello Black,” Mary said with a smile. She was seated at a desk covered in papers. Her typewriter looked to be teetering on the edge of the desk, one wrong move, and it was fall off at any moment. “I’ve news to pass on to you from Monty.”

“Something brilliant by the smile on your face.” He said after handing her the envelope. “What is it then? The Nazis decided to pack up their things and go back to Berlin? Am I to be crowned King of England? Oh, I know, there’s some decent tea I can have.”

Mary rolled her eyes. “You’re so annoying sometimes.”

“I know I am. What is it?”

“James’ wife is pregnant. So, you’re going to be an uncle. Those were the words that Monty had used.” She informed him.

Sirius wasn’t sure what to say. He and James had left things on a somewhat bad note when the man had tried to get him to go back to England before the war officially started in France. Sirius knew that he wouldn’t be on the list of who the godfather would be. James had probably met some bloke in the RAF, and become close and fast friends with one another. Lily wouldn’t want anything to do with Sirius, anyway. Even if James said Sirius would be godfather. Lily thought he was just as bad as his parents. She wouldn’t want Sirius near her child.

“I wonder if you’ll be able to go home and see the baby. A child is always a bright spot when it comes to war. Alice and Frank are going to be having one as well. The Lovegoods just had a little girl last month. It’s a nice reminder that the world isn’t full of shite.”

“It’s a pretty shite time to have a child if you ask me,” Sirius said, folding his arms. “Why bring them into a world where you don’t know if you’re going to make it to their next birthday.”

“Anytime is like that, Sirius.”

“Well, there’s a higher probability right now. Especially if those parents are in the resistance or if they’re in the RAF. You’re daft and putting your child at risk.”

Mary frowned. “I thought you’d be happier about it. Monty was so excited to get the news to you.”

“Yes, Monty should have realized that the situation is not the best between James and me. Is there anything else you need to tell me?”

“No,” She shook her head. Mary had a look of confusion on her face. Sirius couldn’t blame her. He did overreact a bit to the whole thing.

“Have a good day. I’ll see you another time. Be safe.”

“You as well.”

Sirius left through the back exit, which came out on an alleyway. He glanced down the street it led out to before stepping out. One day he had bumped into an SS officer when he came out of a different alleyway. He told the man he was meeting a woman and if there was an issue, he could speak with Roitegg himself. Sirius never heard anything back from it. It also lead to a change of location for Dumbledore's office that day.

As he walked home Sirius’ mind wandered to the Lily and James. He couldn’t understand why they would want a child. Obviously, they could have just made a mistake, but there had to be ways to make sure they didn’t have a baby in the middle of a war. James probably wasn’t even around all that much. The last he heard, Lily was working in the city helping write propaganda films. It didn’t seem like the best situation for to have a baby. He also didn’t understand why Monty thought to pass along that he’d be an uncle. Maybe he thought it would just send a quick message.

Sirius wondered if he ever would see the baby. It’d be nice to know the offspring of his former best mates. The more time went on, the more Sirius was feeling that he wasn’t going to be seeing the end of the war. There was no use to worry about seeing a child he'd most likely never have a chance to meet.

***

A few weeks later Remus was in Paris for a whole month for a series of concerts. As it usually happened when the man arrived, they fell right into bed. The sex was the most natural part of their relationship. Nearly everything else could have so many layers of lies. But in bed, there was no lying how much they found one another attractive or how much they cared about each other -- even if what they cared for was lies. They could make up stories, they could fake personality compatibility. But they couldn’t fake their physical attraction — or the fact they were bloody brilliant at having sex.

After waking up from a short nap, the two men were just relaxing in bed. They weren’t expected anywhere. “John Howell.” The violinist said, his fingers grazing their way down Sirius’ chest.

“Hmm?” Sirius yawned and rubbed his eyes, trying to push away the drowsiness.

“My name, that’s my real given name.” Remus said with his eyes closed. “I don’t want you to call me John though, okay? I’m still Remus. John’s in the past.”

“Okay.” Sirius smiled then leaned over to kiss Remus’ cheek. “Thank you, mon loup.”

“You’re welcome. I just didn’t want that between us anymore. I don’t want you to be thinking about it all the time because it really doesn’t mean anything.” Remus opened his eyes. “I was stupid before, I’m sorry. I feel like it put a damper on our relationship.”

“Don’t worry. It’s fine.” Sirius assured him. It had caused some tension between them, but Sirius was sure the tension was going to be inevitable in their situation no matter what.

“I hope it is because I love you and I didn’t want to say it if it wasn’t fine.” Remus bit his lip.

“You love me?”

“Absolutely.” Remus sighed. “I’ve known you for two years now, you know? It’s been quite enough time to realize it. I understand if you don’t feel the same way, but that’s how I feel. We could die tomorrow, and I’ve spent enough time turning it over in my head, I had to tell you.”

“I can’t believe it’s been two years.” The concept of time was completely lost on Sirius for some time now. He was always surprised when there was a change in the weather from season to season. The fact that he had known Remus for years now was amazing.

“We do spend most of our time apart from one another” Remus said before moving to rest his head on Sirius’ shoulder. “But I always think about you and that someday you go on about with the water with the sun. That’s what gets me through the hard days, and there are a lot of hard days.”

“I love you too. I’m not just saying that because I’ve been thinking about how I have for about a year now.” Sirius ran his fingers through the other man’s hair.

“A year, and you didn’t say a word. Why?” Remus asked.

“I don’t know. There’s just so much that has gone on, and I wasn’t sure it was on because we don’t see each other a lot. We’re not exactly conventional, so I didn’t know if it was okay. If we were a man and a woman we’d probably be married and expecting a child.”

“Yes, we are far from conventional, I would think.” Remus shrugged. “But I’m fine with a bit of conventionality.”

“Are you going to ask for my hand in marriage, then?” Sirius said with a deep laugh.

“Not at the moment.” He snickered.

They sat in a compatible silence for some time. Sirius decided that he should tell Remus something about his life that the other man didn’t know. Sirius nudged Remus’ calf with his toes after a few moments. “Yes?” Remus raised an eyebrow.

“I have a brother.”

The other man furrowed his brow. “Why are you telling me? Not that I don’t want to know but…”

“Because you’ve told me a lot, and I feel like I may not have said enough about me.”

“Oh, it’s not a quid pro quo type of deal, Sirius. I understand about wanting to keep somethings private.”

“If we’re in love, we trust one another, right?”

“Of course. You’re the only person I truly trust.” Remus said, taking hold of Sirius’ hand.

Sirius sighed and wrapped his free arm around the other man. “His name is Regulus, and he’s younger than I am. He was nice and brainwashed by my parents. But he sort of disappeared recently. I haven’t heard from him. My parents said that he went traveling and he’s going through ‘some things’ the last time I spoke with them. I don’t know what that means. But it makes me worry. He might be doing something stupid.”

“Like joining a network of spies and pretending to be a collaborator in order to get secrets and then to go and pass them to the British government and/or the resistance?”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Yes, I guess.”

“If he is doing that, you should be proud of him. If he’s anything like you, then I’m sure he’s brilliant and won’t put himself in a bad situation.” Remus assured him. “Anything else you’d like to tell me?”

Sirius knew that Remus had asked jokingly, but he did have something he wanted to talk about. There was no one around that he could talk to about this. He didn’t want to drag Stag’s son into conversation with other people in the network. “Lily and James are having a baby.”

“Congratulations to them.” Remus pushed himself to sit up. “You’re not very happy about that?” He reached over to the side table for his cigarettes.

“Why would I be?”

“Because your best friend is going on to the next part of his life.”

“While still flying in a plane with Germans shooting at him.”

“Are you angry about the circumstances of war, or about the fact that you’re unable to be there for the two. You lot were inseparable. I’m sure you thought of what life would be like with them when you got old, and they had kids.” Remus said wisely, plucking a cigarette out of his silver case.

“Yes, I’d be the fun uncle who brought the kids sweets and took them fun places. I would read them stories and do daft things to make them laugh. But I’m never going to be able to do that because James and Lily hate me.” Sirius took an offered cigarette after he sat up.

“When this is all over—”

“We’ll be dead, and the poor sprog will be without parents.”

“I was going to say, we’ll go to England, and you’ll make things right with them.”

“You’re very optimistic sometimes, I hate it.” Sirius glared at the other man as he put the cigarette between his lips.

Remus quietly lit their cigarettes, looking as if he was thinking of something rather important.

“What is it, then?”

“I’ve just been thinking so much of how I would very much like to have that someday we’ve talked about. So you can’t be so negative because I wouldn’t be able to stand it if I had to go on without you.” Remus said, putting aside his case and matches. “I love you and I’m going to everything in my power to make sure we get through to the other side of this.”

Sirius smiled, blowing smoke over his shoulder. “I’ll try.”

“Good because I can’t live in a cottage in the South on my own. It’d be boring, and I’m sure I’d miss you.”

***

The next day, Sirius went to meet Caradoc for a coffee. Marlene was also there, to his surprise. She had been back in Berlin for some time doing a run of some sort of propaganda play about a German housewife who saved her sons from some Jews. Sirius had no idea what the plot was, but it was surely horrible. He was glad that she was back though because they got on well.

“If I’d known this was going to be a thing I would have invited Remus along,” Sirius said. The man would have turned him down on the offer, though. He was entrenched in doing some composing all morning.

“He’s in town? Brilliant, we’ll get dinner sometime soon. I’ll invite Dorcas along as well.” Marlene grinned.

Roitegg’s wife had stayed back in Germany to mind their home. They were on rocky terms but they would never be able to get divorced. Dorcas was now the woman of the house in Roitegg’s place in Paris. She did all of the hosting, and it was acceptable for her to be seen out with companions like Sirius and Marlene, who were high up on the social ladder. Sirius had a feeling that Marlene and Dorcas were far more than just good friends, so he was sure Marlene loved any excuse to be out with Dorcas.

“As much as I do love to talk about our social calendars, there are more important things we should be talking about.” Caradoc’s out was set in a tight line, his brows were furrowed, and he looked exhausted.

“What is it?” Sirius asked, realizing that this wasn’t a time to be thinking about how nice of a couple Marlene and Dorcas would be.

“Benjy was killed yesterday. Pettigrew saw him get pulled for interrogation because of a tip-off from someone. I don’t know what happened, but he’s dead.”

Sirius let out a long breath. This was the first time one of the networks had been captured, at least to his knowledge. He hoped that there wasn’t a mole in the network or someone who noticed too many things. “Shit.”

“Yes, shit,” Caradoc said. “We need to be more careful.”

“I thought we were.” Sirius looked out to the street where a few Gestapo were harassing a young woman. “It’s not as if we can do much else.”

“Sadly, you’re probably right. But just be more vigilant. Dumbledore doesn’t want us going to headquarters unless it’s dire. We need to use our spots to pass along information.”

“Can we be seen together?”

“Of course we can. But I wouldn’t make any more friends.” Marlene warned. “Who knows who to trust. We’ve all worked together for a few years now.”

“True.”

When he went home, he made the choice not to tell Remus about Caradoc. The other man hated the attachment to the network at times for the fear that he would be found out. If he told Remus that someone was on to a member, then Sirius thought the other man would just disappear.

“How was coffee?” Remus asked. He was sitting in the middle of the parlor with music sheets scattered around him.

“Fine.” Sirius smiled. “Marlene wants to get dinner with Dorcas and us.”

“Won’t that look like a double date? Roitegg may not like that.”

“We’ll come up with something.”

“You know they’re lesbians, right? Dorcas and Marlene?”

“I thought so,” Sirius said. “Are you done?” He gestured to the sheets on the ground.

“No, it’s just shite. I don’t know what else to do with it.”

“I’m sure it sounds better than you think.”

Remus groaned and lay on his back. “We have got a party to attend tonight. I wish I could just stay home and do this.”

“As do I but it’s our job to do these things.”

“Yes, it is.”

Life went on without incident for some time. In October he had heard the news that Harry Potter was born. The first son of James and Lily Potter. Sirius wished he could have gone home but he was busy with his work and it would have brought to much attention to him. The Nazis asked him to curate a collection for the Führer’s museum. Remus was spending more time in Paris. The network was safe for the time being. Life was moving forward in this strange world that he lived him. But he wished desperately at times he lived back in Blighty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm done writing! I just need to edit, hopefully I'll be posting them quickly.


	9. Part II: Shot Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius receives a new order then some horrible news.

**15 August 1942**

Sirius looked over at Marlene, who was giving the sourest look he’d ever seen on her. They were sitting in Dumbledore’s current office, about to be given some information that seemed to be extremely important. Marlene had been out the entire night before, Sirius was still sure she was a bit drunk and on her way to a hangover. Sirius was awoken at an ungodly hour to get him to come to the meeting, so it was safe to say that Marlene had not really got much sleep. Dumbledore was chatting with Mary about one thing or another behind them. No one had said a word to either Marlene or Sirius since they had walked in about fifteen minutes ago. In the past, Sirius would have been annoyed at the waiting, but he’d grown to understand.

Life in the past year had all but crawled by at a glacial pace. American had been attacked back in December, sending them into the war but no one seemed to be coming to France’s aid just yet. Well, outside of all the covert operations that were happening. There wasn’t a great military threat at the moment, though. Sirius had some strong doubts that anyone would be coming to help the country any time soon. He knew they were talking ‘Europe first’ but he didn’t believe it, really.

In France things were not great for anyone. Rations were low for anyone who wasn’t a Nazi or collaborator. In July nearly 13,000 Jewish people in Paris were rounded up and sent to camps and, Sirius heard, many were killed. The official word from the country’s occupiers were the Jews were being sent to a homeland in Eastern Europe. Sirius knew no such thing existed and they were just using to placate the minds of anyone dull enough to believe them. In August 88 hostages were killed following a resistance attack that had killed eight Nazis watching a football game. On top of it, the resistant groups couldn’t get their acts together and unite, and sometimes they sabotaged one another. It drove Sirius mad that they couldn’t just pull their heads out of their arses and unite for the good of everyone and the country.

On the personal front, Sirius had not seen Remus for a year. It was the worst. They had exchanged letters but they obviously couldn’t declare how much they loved or missed one another. Sirius thought how odd it was for him to care so much about someone he’d met in their situation. He still had those lingering doubts but he did his best to stop listening to them because no one else seemed to suspect Remus of a thing. Sirius wondered what would happen if it did come out that Remus was a double agent. Would he still have that feeling of love? Would he just suffer from an immense heartbreak? Sirius didn’t want to find out. He could only take it one day at a time, just as he did with everything else that was going on.

“What could possibly be so important?” Marlene huffed, crossing her arms. She looked like she was in absolute agony.

“Maybe someone’s dead or there’s someone leaking information.” Sirius suggested to his friend. He wouldn’t be shocked at either development. People were being killed all the time and people were being turned all the time. Sirius was waiting for the day for someone to reveal his true identity and then it would be his turn to be taken in a tortured. It was a hell of a feeling to live with.

Marlene didn’t reply because Dumbledore was finally coming over to sit in the chair that was across from Marlene and Sirius. “I’m sorry about the wait. There was news on a radio operator.”

Sirius knew better than to ask what happened because it wasn’t information for him to know. “It’s fine. Why are we here?”

“We believe it’d be good for you two to date.”

Sirius furrowed his brow and looked over to Marlene. Her face read disgust, but that could have just been the way she was feeling, not anything to do with Sirius. “Why?”

“It’s a good cover. You’re able to be seen together more often without drawing too much attention. There was also a rumor going around that you’re queer, Sirius. This could help stop this it’s tracks.”

“Well, I am but I never thought I was so obvious.” He quipped.

“As am I but I’m ladies are able to spend hideous amounts of time with one another in private without anyone talking, it seems.” Marlene laughed. “It’s because of Lupin, isn’t it? They’re curious why they’re so close?”

“Possibly.” Dumbledore cleared his throat. “This will help you both. I want you to begin dating. Then once things are settled and you seem more committed, you’ll host the Kommandant for a dinner. It will be very good for your relationship with him, I think.”

Sirius nodded. This wasn’t the worst idea that anyone had in regards to cover. He more than tolerated Marlene, and maybe if he were a different person on some terms he would actually date her. It could be seamless.

“That’s fine. Come along darling. I need to see if we can scare up some coffee. We can talk details of our courtship.” She stood up.

“I have some back at mine.” Sirius informed her.

“I knew I loved you.” She chuckled.

They made their way back to Sirius’ flat in a nice silence. Marlene was probably happy to give her hangover some quiet, while Sirius was thinking of how strange it will be to have to pretend to fancy someone else in front of Remus. He knew there would be times they were at parties all together, where Sirius would have to go along with the whole thing with the man hand loved right there watching. It was their job though. They signed up to be put in strange situations.

“Do you know that the Kommandant has a pantry full of coffee beans?” Marlene questioned as Sirius dug out his meager amount of ground coffee.

“I’m not surprised.” Sirius shook his head. “So, how is Dorcas?”

“Lovely as always. I can’t wait to tell her about our new relationship because she’ll laugh her head off. When we first met and she saw you and I interact for the first time, she was sure we were together.”

“As long as she’s not honestly jealous.”

“Never.” She said as Sirius dug out his press. “What about Remus? How is he going to react to all of this?”

“I doubt that he’ll care. We have more important things to worry about.”

“Yes, but sometimes we must worry about the trivial things to keep us from going mad. I can’t always be thinking about if the Germans are changing their strategy in Italy or when the next round up of some other inferior race is because I can’t always stop those things from happening. If I thought about them all the time, the things I can think about stopping, I’d never actually be able to help changing anything. So worrying if your boyfriend will get angry you’re dating a woman is perfectly normal.”

Sirius nodded. “I really don’t think he’ll care. If he does then he’s not who I thought”

“People can be strange about these things. He might think you’re giving into these societal pressures. We’re all expected to marry the opposite sex, have babies, rise them, and die. That’s what people think our purpose is in life. Personally I think my purpose is to fool a bunch of Nazis to give me their secrets and eventually watch their worlds crumble someday soon.”

“That’s a good purpose to have.”

“Is that yours as well?”

“I think so. That and to laugh in my family’s face when they realize this was all a lie.” Sirius grinned manically.

Marlene smiled, “One day soon, hopefully.”

“Yes.”

“So, what should our first outing be?”

“There’s a concert next Saturday I had tickets because it’s going to be attended by much of the high command.”

“Brilliant, let’s go, my dear boyfriend.”

“Perfect.”

***

A little over Two months passed, and Sirius and Marlene were the couple of the city. They were so popular with the Nazis it made Sirius a bit ill. The numbers of parties he attended seem to increase tenfold when he was on the arm of Marlene. She was the most fantastic actress, Sirius hoped that she’d get to Hollywood after the war. He thought that he could work a room but she was something else. It may have had to do with the fact that she could flirt information out of the men and they were more easy to trust a woman. Especially a beautiful, blonde, German woman. Sirius didn’t have any of those advantages but he was happy that Marlene was on his side.

Not that any of that mattered at the moment because Remus Lupin was going to be in his bed again after far too long of an absence. He ached for the days that he could see him every day. Sometimes he thought of moving to Berlin, but that wouldn’t have been able to happen. Sirius had too much here and Remus had too much back there to take care of. It also would be so strange, and definitely raise the eyebrows of the Nazis.

“You and Marlene are dating. I saw it in a tacky magazine, you know? I would have liked a phone call or a least a letter.” Remus said once they were alone in the Sirius’ flat. He couldn’t tell if the man was joking or not, as Remus kept a straight face.

“We’re not actually dating.” Sirius said a bit defensively. He didn’t want there to be a silly fight over it because it really meant nothing. Marlene was a good friend and colleague but there was nothing more behind their sham relationship.

Remus threw his head back with a loud laugh. “I know that. I wanted to give you a hard time but you look far too stressed out for that.” Remus moved closer to wrap his arms around Sirius’ waist. “I also know that she loves Dorcas.”

“She does. Not as much as I love you, though.” Sirius smiled before pressing a kiss to the side of Remus’ mouth.

Remus chuckled before bringing Sirius into a deeper kiss. “I’m sure they’d argue that but I have very strong evidence that you are right.” He said after pulling away.

“How have you been?”

“Good. I’m much better now. It’s been far too long.”

“How is Berlin?”

“It is Berlin.” Remus shrugged. “It’s not Paris. It’s not with you.” Remus ran his fingers through Sirius’ hair.

“Paris isn’t exactly lighting my life on fire at the moment. I also feel like I haven’t got much on intel in ages.” Sirius shook his head.

“I’m sorry.”

“I take that to mean you’ve got some good things?”

“I have, hopefully I’ve helped some.”

“At least other people are doing well at their job.”

“You’re doing more than just intel. You’re helping fund the war effort with selling fakes. You also have saved so much invaluable art and artifacts. Not to mention, you do get plenty of intel. You’re just in a dry spot right now. It happens from time to time.”

“Probably.” Sirius rested his forehead on Remus’ shoulder. “I just feel like I got more done before they were here in Paris sometimes.”

“That’s not true, and you know it.” Remus hugged him. “I think we should talk about other things because I’d like to block out the world for a little while.”

Sirius wondered if they would stop shagging so much if they were around one another for longer periods. It didn’t matter much if they did or didn’t because he really just wanted to be in Remus’ presence. The sex was brilliant, but it wasn’t everything. He was doing well not to think of Remus possibly being anything else than being a spy for his side. There weren’t many strong doubts anymore. Maybe it was the distance. Maybe it was the fact that the network was still together, even after Benjy being killed. Whatever comforted him, he was happy about it because there was enough doubt that he had to deal with elsewhere.

A few nights later Sirius went to see the concert Remus was playing with Marlene, Kommandant Roitegg, and Dorcas. This wasn’t the first time that Sirius and Marlene had been Roitegg’s, they had got together with the other couple so many times. Of course Marlene and Dorcas loved it. Sirius knew it was a good cover but also hated spending so much time with the other man. At least he trusted him.

“Herr Lupin is very talented. I’m looking forward to his performance.” Roitegg said as they stood in the lobby prior to the show.

“Yes, he’s one of the best violinist I’ve ever heard.” Sirius said, trying not to be so proud of the man that he loved.

“And German.” The Kommandant raised his glass of champagne. “Do you know if he’s seeing anyone? Dorcas was talking about finding Remus a nice woman.”

Sirius smiled, “No, I believe he is single. But from what I understand he cares far more about music than he does about finding a wife.”

“That is a shame.” Roitegg said with a shrug. Sirius bit his tongue because he wanted to say that not every man wanted to have a wife and a mistress. That would have been a comment that would probably have got him in more than a bit of hot water.

Luckily Dorcas and Marlene decided that it was time to go to their box to watch the show, saving Sirius from further conversation. Seeing Remus perform was still as enthralling as it was the first that that he watched him. Sirius could feel a fond look on his face as he watched. He hoped that the Kommandant didn’t look over at him at all during the concert because no matter how hard he tried, he knew that he looked like he was in love with Remus was he watched him play. Marlene whispered in his ear that he needed to learn how to pretend to look at her that way. Sirius sadly was not that good of an actor.

Following the concert, Roitegg treated everyone, including Remus to dinner at some posh restaurant that used to be a city favorite but now was overrun by the Nazis. Sirius couldn’t help but think that Roitegg was being fooled by every single person at the table. No one there was who he thought that they were. Dorcas was the maid turned mistress who was reporting back all the sensitive information she could find to the network whenever she could. Marlene was a solid German actress and spy for the SOE. Remus Lupin was an orphan with dreams of killing Hitler personally then he became a professional spy. Sirius Black came from a legacy of hate but made the choice to be a good person. Roitegg thought they all wanted the same thing: A German victory on all fronts.

Thankfully the meal didn’t last too long. Sirius and Remus walked Marlene home since her flat wasn’t too far from where they had their meal. They were quiet, not wanting too say too much in case people around them had heard them. “Do you two want to come up for coffee? That sounds rather scandalous.” She raised an eyebrow.

“Ha, no thank you, Marlene.”

“I figured. Have a lovely rest of the night.” Marlene winked before opening the front door of her building.

“She is something.” Remus said as they began to make their way to the Metro.

“Yes, a wonderful fake girlfriend.”

“So, did you enjoy the performance tonight?”

“You were brilliant, as always.”

“It felt somewhat flat to me.” He frowned.

“You are your biggest critic. Roitegg and the rest seemed to enjoy it. I enjoyed it. I do prefer my own shows, though.”

Remus nodded, sticking his hand into the pockets of his long coat. “Are you expected anywhere tomorrow?”

“No.”

“Good. We’ll have a nice day in.” Remus said. “You can paint, I will play, and we’ll think of nothing important.”

“Brilliant.” For some reason, Sirius felt something heavy sitting in his gut. It wasn’t the food, it was a feeling. Like something somewhere wasn’t right. He always felt it when something was wrong. Sirius looked around, wondering if someone had over heard them and they figured out they were being far less innocent than the conversation may have sounded. But there was no one on the street that he could see. There had to be something else going on. Sirius was silent for the rest of the journey back to his flat, just nodding along to anything Remus said. He knew that something was going to come up at any moment to show him the answer to what the sudden anxiety was.

The answer was waiting for him in the parlor of his the apartment. Sirius blinked four times, standing frozen in place when he found his brother sitting on his sofa reading book. Regulus looked like he was a poor French teenage beggar in his raggedy clothes and unkempt hair. He was the opposite of what a Black should look like. “What are you doing here?”

Regulus stood up, tossing the book on to the table. “I have news from Blighty. I wanted to be the one to deliver it to you.” The look on his face was grave. Sirius had seen it before when their dog had died before Sirius went off to university. The mutt was Regulus’ best mate.

“I don’t even know where to begin. Where have you been? Mummy and Father said he you disappeared and now you’re here looking like you’ve been sleeping rough.” He stayed stuck in the entry way of the parlor.

Remus meanwhile was standing watching his brother carefully. Obviously the man didn’t trust him, but Remus didn’t trust anyone. He could barely trust Sirius as it was.

“You’re Moony.” Regulus said, moving closer and reading his hand out. “I’m Lion.”

“The person I’ve been contacting has been Sirius’ brother?” Remus furrowed his brow. Sirius drew a quick conclusion that Remus’ contact in the resistance was his baby brother.

“Yes, it seems so. I only just learned that you are… close to my brother.”

Sirius scoffed. “You’re in the resistance. Was this Monty’s doing?”

“It was my own doing then Monty got in contact with me when people realized who I was. I’m surprised gossip hasn’t made it’s way to you that I’m in France. I have been for sometime.”

Sirius rubbed his forehead. He was happy that his brother had made the right choice and got out from under the Black thumb but he didn’t like that he was throwing himself into so much danger. He also didn’t like the sudden appearance in his flat. It clearly wasn’t got a good reason. “Why are you here right now, though? This is a great risk. What happened if I brought home Roitegg?”

“I was trailing you lot earlier, I watched Roitegg and Dorcas head home while you and Remus walked with Marlene. I knew it’d be safe. I’m not completely daft, Sirius.”

“Right, right. So, what is the matter? What is it that you could give all of us way?”

“Would you like to sit?”

“No.” Sirius folded his arms. “Just tell me.”

“I — ah… Monty is currently on leave.”

Sirius started to feel a bit nauseous. It’s not as if people took holidays during war. Unless if you were the Nazi High Command, that is. “James.”

“And Lily.”

He closed his eyes. “Both? How?”

“Sirius, sit, please.” Remus said in a soft, but firm tone.

“I — how?”

“Maybe you should sit.” Regulus repeated.

“Just tell me!” Sirius thundered, looking at his brother.

“Lily had a heart problem that went undetected. She’d been working so much, you know? Doing her duty and her heart just gave way.”

“James?”

“The same day he was shot down. He didn’t know Lily had passed when it happened.”

Sirius couldn’t help the sob that escaped his throat. He felt his legs grow shaky, thankfully Remus wrapped his arms around him to make sure that he wouldn’t fall. The tears wouldn’t stop after that. He had lost two important people in his life, two people who died thinking that he was something that he wasn’t. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Remus said quietly, rubbing his back as he cried.

“Monty said we can get you home. Pull you out if you need it.” Regulus spoke after sometime.

Sirius couldn’t speak, he didn’t know what to say or how to express the complete feeling of loss that he was now burdened with. The whole night from that moment on turned into a blur. Somehow he ended up in his bed, starring at his ceiling. He was so angry that he wanted to keep going, keep working, keep fighting back. But he was also so sad to lose his best friends that he wasn’t sure if it was possible for him to go on.

At some point in the early morning, when the sky was a soft gray, Remus crawled into bed. Sirius wasn’t sure where he had been the whole time before but it didn’t matter. Even his body next to him did nothing to soften the pain. “There’s a way to get you back home.”

“There’s nothing back there for me.” Sirius said. It was true. Why would he go back now? He was no good back home. He needed to figure out how to get himself together because at least he had a purpose in Paris.

“You’re not okay right now.”

“Then it’s a good thing I have nothing on for a few days.”

“Okay.” Remus said, gently stroking Sirius’ cheek. “But you have a way home and no one will think any less of you.”

The first few days were a struggle. Thankfully he didn’t have to be anywhere. Remus puttered about, played music for him, and made him eat some food. He had to go out of the flat eventually to keep up appearances so he got dinner with Marlene one night, it was so bad. Life seemed to be missing a big piece, but he knew that he had to press on. James and Lily would want him to if they did know about him. They would have been so proud of him doing the work that he did. He just had to keep telling himself that.

When Remus finally had to leave Paris two weeks later, Sirius was beginning to feel somewhat human again. He had attended a few parties. He had had dinner with Roitegg. Remus seemed worried to leave him alone but it’s not as if he had a choice of staying. Sirius told him he would be fine, and for the time being he was.


	10. Part II: The Warning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius says 'I do' then gets a warning that he didn't want. Things turn upside down.

**15 May 1943**

Sirius married Marlene married on a warm sunny day. It would have been romantic if they actually were a couple and weren’t just pretending to be in love. It also would have been romantic if they were surrounded by people they loved and cared for, not some SS and people they were trying to get on their good side. The only person who was there that they cared for was Dorcas. Remus was back in Berlin. The network was busy with resistance efforts and they wouldn’t want to risk so many of them being in the same place at once, even the ones that Sirius and Marlene were seen in public with from time to time.

When Sirius was informed by Dumbledore that they should marry, Sirius immediately resisted it. Pretending to be dating was one thing but marriage was another. It was official. He worried that if they war went on for a longer period of time then they’d be forced to have children. The marriage was an order from Monty, who was back on to lead the network after a short time off following James and Lily’s deaths. Sirius couldn’t say no to orders, so he went through with it.

The newly weds were sitting in the Black apartment following their wedding and proceeding reception at an upscale restaurant. They had smiled and kissed and did everything a newly married couple would in public. Sirius hoped that it didn’t look as artificial as it felt. He apparently had been doing something right this entire time because Roitegg commented multiple times about how happy they had looked together. He also said he couldn’t wait for them to contribute more strong children to the Reich. Sirius said they’d get started right away. He wasn’t sure how he was going to deal with that issue but until Roitegg commented again, he wasn’t going to worry about it.

“In some fantasy land, where you could marry Lupin if you wanted to, would you?” Marlene raised an eyebrow before taking a drink of the whisky Sirius had pulled out. It was the most expensive bottle in the Black Paris flat.

“I— I’m not sure.” Sirius frowned because he had never thought about that. He had thought about spending his life after the war with Remus a lot. It was a nice, comforting thought for him in these dark times.

“I’d marry Dorcas.” She said without thinking. “It’s sort of traditional and unlike me but I like the idea of it. Being with your best friend for life.”

“You can be with her for life now.” Sirius suggested.

“Deep undercover.”

“At least it’s easier for you to do that.” Sirius sighed.

Marlene wrapped her hand around his bicep and leaned her cheek on his shoulder. “You’d marry him, wouldn’t you?”

“Marriage is all that it’s cracked up to be. My parents are married and they’re not exactly shinning examples.”

In January Sirius got word that his mother had died. He celebrated with a bottle of champagne and shagging Remus all night, who had been visiting from Berlin. That was the last of the good news that he had got in ages. Since James and Lily died, things had been going down hill for him and the resistance. Frank and Alice had been killed in a raid of the radio headquarters for the resistance. No one knew who was the mole that sold out the location, which made the rest edgy. Everyone was a suspect, including Marlene and Remus. Sirius’s gut told him that he could trust them. But that little bit of doubt against Remus was beginning to rise in the back of his head again. No matter how hard he tried lately, that doubt seemed to constantly be resurfacing.

On top of that, Sirius got word that Andi and Nym were taken from their house in the middle of the night. No one could tell Sirius where they were, but Monty assured him they were not dead from what he could gather. How could he know that if he didn’t know their whereabouts was beyond Sirius. He was sure that their disappearance was a part of the the mole’s work. Remus knew about Andi in Rouen, so it wouldn’t be too far of a reach to say that it was him who revealed the information.

There was plenty of good for the resistance, even if Sirius’ personal network wasn’t looking so bright. Different resistance groups were beginning to rise all over Europe. In the Warsaw ghetto the Jewish people there were fighting back. Groups were attacking Nazis in different ways in various places all over the continent. In France, three of the main resistance groups were finally united in January. They were just growing more rapidly, especially when the Germans began to take French men by the thousands to work for them. More marquis, or terrorist as the Nazi’s referred to them, were joining up in order to fight back. They were violent and did what they could to disrupt the Nazis in France.

There was a press back against the resistance, course. Nazis were anything but passive. The Milice was created to fight back against résistants, as well as to try to shut down the black market. Thankfully, none of this had effected Sirius just yet. His network for moving art was fully intact, as well as his ins at the black market. Even though the Germans were starting to feel pressure from the Allies, they were still buying up art and being greedy. Sirius thought that his job would be over soon but there were no signs of the Germans letting up.

“That is true.”

“Even though our marriage is a charade, it’s still better than theirs.” Sirius snickered as Marlene sat up straight again. “I wonder what James would say about me being married.” It hurt less to think about James and Lily now. For the first few months it physically hurt him to think of his friends but they also were helping him go on. He wanted to make it through so he could go back and see their child and tell him all about how fantastic the boy’s parents were.

“I only briefly met him, but I’m sure he’d laughing about this all.”

“They both knew that I was queer, so they’d just love this. They’d make a whole thing out of it. It would have given us away in a heart beat.” Sirius took a sip of the whisky.

“Do you ever wonder if they knew that you were a spy?”

“I don’t know. Maybe when the war started and things got strange. If they knew, I never found out.” Sirius frowned. “If James found out it would have been after he came here that time and we had a row.” He stood up. “I think I’m going to bed.”

“You don’t mind if I stay up and go over my lines? I sometimes talk out loud when I do.”

“That’s fine. I’m sure you’re not as loud as a man who composes music and when he gets angry he makes the most grotesque noises on his violin.” Sirius laughed. Remus had a tendency to stay up late into the night composing. Sirius didn’t mind the violinist keeping him up when he did it either, even when the other man did grow frustrated. Sometimes he’d just get up and go to painting because he always loved to paint at night.

“When Remus comes to visit, do you think they’ll question us hosting him here now?” Marlene asked before Sirius could leave the room.

“I don’t know.” Sirius knew that they would have to figure that out eventually. Remus was going to visit at some point, as he always managed to do. He didn’t think that it would be strange for Marlene and him to host the musician still. He was a friend to both, in the eyes of the Nazis and the collaborating aristocracy in the area. “Would it be okay with you if he was here?”

“Of course it would be.” Marlene smiled. “As long as you don’t mind me hosting tea with Dorcas every so often.”

“I’ll make myself scarce when you do.” He winked at her before turning towards his room, thinking of the strange path that his life had taken.

***

It wasn’t until late in July that Sirius got to see Remus again. It was not as much as a joyous occasion as it had been in the past. Everything seemed even more heightened than it ever had been in the past. But Remus was going to be staying with Marlene and Sirius at the flat. Dumbledore didn’t seem to think it would be strange for that to happen. Roitegg didn’t bat an eye when Sirius offered to host Remus as he always did. There was only one thing that made it difficult, something that Dumbledore said the morning Remus was to arrive.

“What?” Sirius asked, sitting back in his chair. He didn’t like the look that Dumbledore had on his face. It was one he normally had when there was something urgent that needed to be discussed.

“You need to keep a close eye on Lupin.” Dumbledore clasped his hands together on the table in front of him. “It’s come to our attention that he may not be who he says.”

Sirius furrowed his brow. He didn’t want to think that the lingering doubt in the back of his head was actually right. He wanted it to be some irrational trust issue that all spies had. But this was coming from Dumbledore, who was second in command of the network right below Monty. If he was telling Sirius this, it meant that it needed to be taken seriously, “I’m sorry, you can’t be suggesting that he’s—”

“I’m saying that we’ve been given information from viable sources saying that he is not who we think he is. You need to keep a close watch on him. I want him trailed every time he leaves the flat. Look through his luggage. Do your best to get as much information out of him as possible. With your relationship, it’s doubtful to me that he will open up to you if he hasn’t already.”

“Is he a double agent?” Sirius asked, trying to think of any moment in the last four years that would point to Remus actually working for the other side. Something solid, not the wish-washy things he tried to point to.

“That’s to be debated. It was said that he is not who we believe he is. We’re trying to work out what that means.”

“That’s a pretty shite accusation.” Sirius said defensively. “Last I thought, when we made accusations of the like we had to back it up with evidence. That’s how people’s lives and careers are ruined.”

“This is why I’m asking you to follow him closely. Look at his belongings. Listen to conversations he is having at events. I need as much evidence as you can gather, so we can make the right decision of what to do.”

Sirius pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. He didn’t want to do this because he knew it was not going to end well, no matter what the outcome. His trust of Remus was shattering right there and then. There was no turning back, no way of saying that this was all just him being ridiculous. “Okay.”

“Report everything back to me. Don’t go through your usual channels because this is someone in the network. If it’s not him then…”

“You’re saying that if Remus isn’t a spy then someone else in the network is?”

“Things have occurred that would make it difficult for us to believe that it’s just a coincidence for there not to be a mole among us.” Dumbledore said seriously.

“How do you know it’s not me?”

“I don’t but Monty trusts you the most.”

Sirius took his new task and went back home to wait for Remus to arrive at the flat. Marlene took it upon herself to leave for the day to do whatever it was she was meant to be doing when Remus arrived, just as Sirius did when Marlene had Dorcas over. Sirius knew he needed to act as if everything was fine. He had been looking forward to Remus’ arrival before Dumbledore’s warning. He needed to think that way again. Even with this doubt, he still missed Remus. He needed to bring those feelings to the front.

Once Remus arrived, and they were alone when the footman left Sirius decided to use the only way he could to take his mind off of Remus’s apparent lies. He took him by the hand without a word, undressed him, and used his body to show that he was missed. Sirius realized that even in this now certain doubt, he still loved Remus Lupin/John Howell/Whoever the hell he was. This made things harder. There was no denying that he was still head over heels for the man. Somewhere deep in his brain, he still saw them in a cottage on the sea in the South of France after the war.

When they lay in bed after, Remus drifted off quickly but Sirius lay awake, trying to comprehend how he was going to deal with this all. It was bad enough that he had lost his best friends. But now the man who showed him that the whole world wasn’t shite, and there was some happiness outside of his life at war, could possibly be hurting him and the network. He wasn’t sure how he was going to get over that — he probably wouldn’t. Remus had been such a life line to him, that Sirius knew it was going to be so hard to let him go. He needed to find a way to prove to himself, and to the network that Remus was who he said that he was.

The entire week that Remus was there, Sirius did a very good job of acting as if nothing was different. No one commented on him acting any differently. He was a very good spy, after all. Remus didn’t notice that he was being trailed everywhere he went, either. Or if he did, Remus said nothing to Sirius about it. It seemed to help that Sirius couldn’t find anything strange in Remus’ comings and goings. There was nothing to point to anything odd in his belongs, including in the man’s beloved violin case. But that niggling doubt wasn’t going anywhere, especially with the words of Dumbledore ringing in his ears.

The day before Remus was set to leave, Sirius followed him to the apartments of Roitegg. Sirius didn’t like the look of it because they normally mentioned when they were meeting with the other side to one another. Why would the man be meeting with Roitegg for any good reason that Sirius didn’t need to know about? Sirius sat on a bench by the river, keeping an eye on the apartments across the street. An hour passed and there was nothing.

“He’s not a double agent.”

Sirius nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard his brother’s voice next to him.

“Bloody hell, Reg.” Sirius muttered, not looking at his brother. “They’re killing marquis left and right, you know?”

“I know.” Regulus sighed. “I’m fine. But I’ve heard some rumbling about Remus. But it’s not him. He can’t be the one.”

“Why?”

“It just doesn’t make sense. It makes more sense that it’s you or me.” Regulus reasoned. “If it’s the incidents that people are saying, there are some timing issues with him being in Berlin during some of them. Also, he’s a Jew’s who’s parents were killed. I don’t believe it.”

“Then you’re being daft.” Sirius said.

“You meet with Roitegg all the time, Sirius. He’s probably just keeping up appearances.”

“You came to bother me over this?”

“Yes because I heard what was going on. I knew you would be spiraling.”

They hadn’t had much contact in the time since their reconnection with the exception of brief meetings like this were always nice. He was glad that Regulus was smart and fighting for something he believed was right. His brother also seemed very concerned for his well being, as Sirius was for Regulus’. “I’m fine.”

“I have to go. But, be safe.” Regulus touched his shoulder quickly before getting up to leave.

“You as well.”

Remus left Roitegg’s not long after. Sirius trailed Remus to the concert hall, where his was collecting his payment for the previous night. Sirius spent the rest of the day out, avoiding going home to Remus. He wasn’t sure how he was going to deal with seeing the other man without being accusatory. He just needed to know.

So, after a few drinks for courage, Sirius found himself wanting answers. “Where have you been?” Marlene asked as Sirius came into the flat, walking right past her at the dining table where she was writing, and going to the parlor where he could hear Remus playing violin. “Sirius…” Marlene called after him.

“Hello, you’ve been gone a long time.” Remus frowned, setting down his violin. “You do know that I’m going to be heading back tomorrow? I thought we were going to spend the afternoon together.”

“Back to Berlin, I know. Just as I know you were at Roitegg’s for over an hour today.” Sirius said, standing in the middle of the room with his hands on his hips. This was the wrong way to go about things, but it seemed to be in his nature to do things like this the wrong way. “Why were you there?”

“He wanted to know how things were going. If I needed anything. Why? You were following me?”

“Yes because they’re saying that you’re a double agent.” Sirius said. “I need to know that you’re not.”

“I’m not.” Remus said calmly. “Sirius, you’re drunk.”

“But I know what’s being said and I know how I feel. It feels like you’re lying to me.”

“You think that I’m working for the Nazis?” Remus’ eyes were wide. If he was faking his disbelief, he was doing a very good job of it. “Sirius you’ve lost your mind to think such a thing.”

“You’re smart, you’re so smart that you could fool me. You could fool the whole network if you wanted because if the story you told me is true about your life then you could trick us all. If it wasn’t true then, bravo for that.”

Remus stood there with his mouth agape as Marlene came into the room. The man was at a loss for words, it seemed.

“Sirius, what are you talking about?” Marlene asked. “There’s no way Remus could—“

“Why couldn’t he? He’s perfectly capable.” Sirius looked at the other man. “You’re the spy.”

“I’m not.” Remus said. “I don’t know how to prove to you that I’m not.”

“You can’t.” Sirius said gravely. “I was supposed to prove that you are or are not but I don’t have proof either way. I just have all this half evidence and this feeling.”

“Then you know that it’s possible I’m not.”

“But it makes sense if you are.”

“Sirius, you need to stop. You’ve had too much to drink.” Marlene moved closer to the two men. “If you don’t have proof Remus is a double agent then you have nothing.”

“Right, nothing. Just like we are nothing. This is probably all a lie.” A waved a hand between them.

“Stop, Sirius, you’re going to regret this in the morning.” Remus shook his head.

“I don’t want you back here again.”

“I won’t come back, if that’s what you want. But you’re wrong. I’ve loved you, and cared for you this whole time. Nothing I’ve done with you since coming clean, has been a lie or faked. I hope you realize that one day.” He said softly. Sirius thought he was too calm for it. Sirius’ heart was breaking, everything was falling apart for him. This was just another piece of his life that would fail him. The only thing he had was his job. When it was all over, when the war ended, he was going to have nothing.

“Good.” Sirius wasn’t sure what to do or say now. He stood there for a moment before turning on his heel to go to his room.

It didn’t take along for him to fall into a deep sleep, thanks to all that he had drank that night. But his dreams were full of all that he feared. Remus was there with two faces. Marlene was dead. The Potters were shot and killed in front of him. The network was put on display for the Nazis — matched down the street in front of cheering crowds to their death. A shot woke him up, his heart beating loudly in his chest. He felt as his if head was surround by wool. He felt like he couldn’t get his bearings so he lay there for a moment, hoping that the shot was just in his dreams. From what he could gather it was because no one came storming into his room and there was no other noise in the flat outside of the ticking of the clock in his room.

Eventually he got himself out of bed. Remus was gone when Sirius went out into the parlor. Everything belonging to Remus was gone. He wasn’t surprised the man was able to get his belongings without waking him up in the night. Marlene was there though, sitting on the sofa with her one leg under her, her hands around a warm cup of very valuable tea. “What is it?” He snapped at her. He didn’t mean to be so rude but he was on edge. His nerves were frayed.

“Mary was killed. They burnt down Le Chicaneur last night, well early this morning. She was there working, as always.”

Sirius felt like he was going to be sick. Remus knew where the headquarters was, Sirius had followed him there just the other day. He said that he’d regret this in the morning. It could be… “No.”

“Yes.” Marlene cleared her throat. “Do you really believe that it was Remus? Last night you accused him endlessly.”

“Possibly but I don’t know what I believe.” Sirius took a seat next to Marlene. “I wish I could just know.”

“I don’t think it is. I don’t think it could be him.”

“How can you be sure?”

“Because I trust him. I trust him as much as I trust you and I can’t not trust you right now.” She said firmly.

Sirius didn’t say anything because he couldn’t agree with him. He couldn’t trust anyone anymore. Not even a little bit.


	11. Part III: Too Many Questions, Not Enough TIme

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is pulled in to have a conversation with Roitegg. Things are on their way to a very quick ending.

**1 June 1985**

Sirius’ tea had gone cold by the time he finally picked it up to drink. His mind had been far too busy thinking about things that he could no longer change. He didn’t even have the ability to change what happened in the moment but there were always so many of those what-ifs. Sirius always hated himself for believing Remus was a spy. He knew that it was an overreaction and too simple of an explanation for cracks that had been forming in the network for so long at the point Sirius had accused Remus.

After James and Lily had died, Sirius wasn’t being very rational. He knew that now, long after the events of the 40’s. He just wished that he realized that when it was all happening. If he had been thinking clearly, he probably could have figured out who the real mole was and there would have been less deaths. Someone who was always so quiet, and always just a bit rude. Someone Sirius could never get on with in the first place. Someone he spent the least amount of time with on purpose. They were only forced together by circumstance.

When Sirius stood up to make himself a new cup of tea, his bones popped and cracked, reminding him of his old age. There was still that certain ache in his side from wounds long gone. He wondered what type of person he would be today if he didn’t go through the war as a spy. Maybe he’d be dead because he would have fought on the front lines. But here he was, in his cottage by the sea in the South of France. Outside the sunshine bright, the waves lapped against the shore line, and the birds sung happily. It was a picture perfect scene that Sirius had painted over and over and over again.

Inside the cottage today, Sirius was struck with the special kind of melancholy that would visit from time to time. It was one he couldn’t escape, no matter how hard he tried. There were times, so many times that he was truly happy but then his mind would wander and think of the past.

***

**28 April 1944**

The Germans and their Axis friends were beginning to take some losses from the Allies. According to some in the network, the Allies were going to be invaded France anytime now. Sirius could feel the atmosphere shifting with the Nazis in Paris. He could see the strain on their faces, and traces of worry behind their cold eyes. There were less parties, less buying of his art, and less face time with Roitegg. They were busy hiding their things away in case of a possible attempted invasion, it seemed. Some of the Paris High Command had even left the city. They said it was for important meetings back in Germany but Sirius doubted that. They were cowards, running from the consequences to their actions and letting the younger officers take on the fight.

The resistance in France was well past it’s boiling point, it seemed. The Nazi’s refused to see them as a threat but they were killing Germans, building stockades of weapons, and disrupting/destroying trains that carried important Nazi supplies. Sirius took pride that his brother was involved in that side of things. Sirius himself had hid a few marquis at his flat a few nights when they were in a tough spot. Sirius knew it was risky but he didn’t want to let the men get killed if he could manage it. They were an important part of the resistance, Sirius felt they were more important than he was because they were actively taking action. But his intel, when he could get it now, was needed.

Outside of that, the population in labor and death camps were apparently on the rise— things were just getting worse there. Reports were coming back from people who managed to get out or from spies on the inside about the atrocities that were being committed. This fed some of the resistances’ attacks on the occupying Nazis. Sirius had his own reasons to be concerned about what was going on at the camps. He had been spending a lot of time worrying what Andi and Nym were going through. Even if they were alive, they’d be subjected to god knows what at whatever camp they ended up in. He wasn’t even sure what type of prisoners they would have been considered. If the Nazis knew Andi was helping the network, he was positive that she would be dead sooner or later.

Sirius had not heard from Remus since the man left his flat nearly a year previous. There were whispers throughout the network of Remus’ betrayal. Though Sirius had never brought it up, it seemed others thought he was the one to divulge the whereabouts of Mary and Le Chicaneur’s headquarters. Regulus tried to convince Sirius that he was being ridiculous because some of the timeline didn’t match up. Sirius continued to tell Regulus that he was wrong because he just knew that it had been Remus. But if it were Remus, things didn’t stop falling apart for the network. Fabian Prewett had been killed in a raid a week or so back. Their safehouses kept being discovered. Sirius had no idea where Dumbledore was. Contact was rare.

It was nearly May when Sirius was pulled off the street and into a black government car with a couple of Gestapo looking at him. This wasn’t how he was expecting his day to go. He was meant to meet Caradoc for coffee to talk about moving some supplies. He didn’t think that he’d be pulled in by the Germans. He had fear and anxiety telling him that he’d been found out but he’d been so careful to cover all of his tracks. Unless if Remus had given him up. Why would he wait so long to do that, though?

“What is it that you want? I’m sure Kommandant Roitegg will want to hear about this.” Sirius glared at the men.

“It is Kommandant Roitegg who asked us to find you.” One of the men said, looking down his large nose at Sirius.

“We could have made plans. This is all very uncivilized.” Sirius felt a cold fear creep through his body. Roitegg always made plans through his secretary or even personally with Sirius. These men were sent out to find him, it was something that couldn’t wait.

At least they were heading to his office, and not some jail or back alley interrogation room, Sirius thought when they pulled up in front of the building that held the Nazi High Command in Paris. He was led the familiar path up to the third floor and to the back of the building to Roitegg’s office. He walked by the secretary, then in to the anteroom before he finally got to Roitegg’s door. Without a knock or a word of warning the man with the large nose marched him right into the office, where Roitegg was sitting and looking over some papers. “Herr Black, please sit. Men, leave.” He said firmly.

“Herr Kommandant, I don’t mean to complain but what is the reason for all of this?” Sirius said as he took a seat across form the Kommandant’s desk.

“Herr Black, I need to ask you some questions that are very sensitive. I don’t mean to insult you but — well… you will see.” He waved a hand.

“Yes?” Sirius raised an eyebrow.

“Did you know Herr Lupin was queer?”

Sirius did his best not to sputter out an answer. Remus had been found out but not for what Sirius thought he’d be. Or maybe this was all a part of the game, throwing Sirius off from pining the label of the mole on him for sure. It had been a year though… “Queer?”

“The man is a homosexual. Herr Black, you must understand how this looks for you. You were close friends.”

“And that is it. I do not appreciate the accusation.” Sirius shook his head. “I am a married man, Herr Kommandant.”

“Yes, as I said I did not want to insult you but these questions must be asked.”

“I’ve been very loyal to you and the Reich, I thought you may believe that I am better than that.”

“He had love interest here in Paris, that’s why he came out here so often. Who do you believe he was seeing?”

Shite. Sirius shook his head, actually trying to think of anything that wasn’t ‘fuck’. “There was some other musician he met with often. Michael… I think is his name?” Sirius lied quickly. “I had no idea.”

“Very well then.”

“What’s happened to him?”

“Does it matter now?” Roitegg leaned back.

“I’m just shocked. He was a friend — or I thought he was.” Sirius swallowed a lump in his throat.

“I am sure this information is difficult to deal with but people like this are good at lying and misrepresenting themselves. It’s surprising that he didn’t try to convert you. Are you sure there is nothing you can tell me about him?”

There was the fact that Remus sucked his cock like no one had before or that his kisses were the sweetest thing after months of being apart — but that information wouldn’t have made things go well for himself. On his deathbed, he’d like to utter those words though. “I’m sorry Kommandant. I can’t think of anything else that could be helpful.”

“I understand. But if you do please let me know.” The Kommandant seemed suspicious. Sirius couldn’t blame him. Even if Sirius was who the Nazis thought he was, it’d be difficult to look away from the fact that the man he had spent so much time with was a homosexual.

Sirius went home after a few more questions from Roitegg, abandoning any meeting with Caradoc for the time being. He had a feeling that he was going to be trailed, at least for a short time. He figured it’d be best if he could lie low, he’d have to get that word out through Marlene.

When he arrived home Marlene was reading a letter in the parlor with a grave look on her face. Then again every look on every single person’s face was grave all of the time lately. He wished for good news, anything to ease his mind for just a few moments. “I was pulled in for a short interrogation. It’s been found out that Remus is a homosexual. I don’t know what they’ve done with him, if anything.” He informed her, leaning against the door jamb.

“So you don’t know where they’ve put him?”

“Who knows. I assume this is some sort of play, to—“

“Sirius, he’s not the mole. He can’t be. It makes no sense.” Marlene huffed. “He’s probably in real danger now.”

Deep down, in his heart and his gut he knew that Marlene was right. But what good was that information to him? Remus was a risk but he was always at risk anyway. Even if it hurt his heart, Sirius couldn’t dwell on it. There was far too much going on. If Remus was not the mole, he was going to have to mourn any possible loss later. “What can we do for him if he is in danger? We have too much to think about here.”

“You’re right.” She cleared her throat. “Sirius, Regulus was injured in that café bombing.”

Sirius frowned, “How do you know?”

“Dorcas — coded letter.” She held it up.

“She couldn’t find anything else?”

“Not yet, at least.” Marlene grimaced. “I’m sorry, my darling. I know things have gone to complete shite lately.”

“It’s not your fault. It’s the job, isn’t it? I should have expected it all to go like this.” He had expected it all to go like this, actually. For a while he thought that he’d be dead by now, in all seriousness. Then Remus Lupin came along and her longed for the end of the war so he could spend endless amounts of time with the man on the sea. That wasn’t going to happen. Remus was probably dead or dying. Sirius was sure that his own time was going to be up any day now. The network was falling apart, and soon he was going to have to make the choice of getting out quickly or staying and dying.

He didn’t have much left, the dying seemed like a good choice him at that point.

***

Three weeks later, Sirius was sitting on a bench in the park. He’d been waiting all day to get something from the network or resistance. Lines of communication had been virtually dead. Marquis were busy readying for the impending Allied invasion. The Nazis were busy trying to track down any transgressors. The network was busy attempting to move information as quickly and quietly as possible. Marlene and Sirius were out in the ocean alone. They hadn’t heard a word from anyone in days. He was getting agitated and worried that something was going to happen at any moment.

There wasn’t much that could be done but sit and wait. He’d left notes in his usual drop spots. He had went past the former places where the headquarters and safe houses used to be. All that he did was sit, and wait. He couldn’t even paint because of all the thoughts that were floating around him his head.

After some time of sitting, a very large man with a big burly beard and thick curly hair came to take the space next to him. He was in tattered clothes and his hands were dirty. In the past Sirius would assume the man was homeless but that was the past. Nothing was as it seemed now. “Mister Black, you need to get out of here.”

Sirius’ ears felt like they were betraying him for a moment. The man wasn’t speaking French, he was speaking English and he wasn’t being quiet. He was out right speaking in English right there in the park. Sirius glanced around them. There was no one to be seen with the exception of an older woman with a severe look on her face and a tight bun on the top of her head. “I’m sorry…”

“You’ve been burned, sir. You need to get out of France and it needs to happen as soon as you can make it. I can pick you up outside of your flat in an hour. We’ll drive you South to the Alps. There’s a safe house that isn’t a far hike.”

“In the Alps?” Sirius whispered harshly.

“You’ve been burned. Do you understand? You need to go. Dearborn is dead. Gideon Prewett is dead. There is no one left in the network with the exception of you, Marlene, and Pettigew. There’s only one possible option of who the rat is. You need to get home, get what is desperately important, and get out. Now. It’s an order.”

Sirius didn’t question any longer. There was nothing left for him to do in France, he needed to follow these new orders. He finally jumped off the bench and headed in the direction of his flat.

Earlier that day, Dorcas Meadows was shot and killed after Roitegg discovered papers she was attempting to transfer to the resistance. The last few years of his life came crumbling down around him. He had been fooled by a woman. Who knew who else was involved? Only an hour later was the man’s greatest fears were spurred on by a man whom was referred to by Wormtail.

“Marlene and Sirius Black are working for the British. They been all along.”


	12. Part III: The End and The Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It all comes to an end then it starts again.

Sirius had never run so fast in his life. He could hear his feet hitting the pavement as his bolted down an alleyway, taking a shortcut towards his flat. He had never been one to take up running, but it felt like he was fit for a marathon at that moment. Adrenaline was coursing through his veins. Sirius felt as if he was trapped in France without anywhere to go. But he did have an out. It just wasn’t happening as soon as he would have liked. He needed to get Marlene and anything that was important in the flat before the man came to extract him. Even if they just got out earlier and waited somewhere in the city.

All of his years of work, all of those intricate covers and lies, were going to be brought down by some idiot. Pettigrew was a twat, and he should have been the first person to come to Sirius’ mind about being the mole. But he ignored that feeling because he just thought it was his personality. He didn’t even see the man much. How could he blame Remus over Pettigrew? How was that even possible? Clearly, he did not think when he drew his conclusions. Now everything was crumbling down, and if he didn’t leave France he was probably going to be dead. He’d be joining the long list of his friends in the network who had been killed.

It only took him ten minutes to burst through the front door of his flat. He was heaving breaths as he walked into the flat. He should have been more careful, thought through that it might not be safe on the other side of his door. But this place had been a sanctuary for him for so long. He’d hide there with Remus, with Marlene. He could paint, he could listen to music, he could be himself. There were no expectations in his flat, and there was no pretending to be something that he wasn’t. Now though, now it seemed to be the place where it all would officially end.

“Marlene, we have to go.” He called out in French. He could only hear his heart beat in his ears, so he was sure that he was probably yelling far too loud, but at that moment he did not care. “It’s time to pack up. Only take what you can carry. Your papers are the most important.”

“Go? Go where Herr Black?” The German voice that answered back was not Marlene’s sing-song tones. They were stiff and cold, belonging to Roitegg.

Sirius felt as if he heart had jumped up into his throat. There was no safe place for Sirius any longer.

When he entered the living room he found Roitegg with a gun in his hand and Marlene’s lifeless body on the floor. Blood was beginning to pool around her head. It couldn’t have happened very long ago, maybe minutes. Maybe if Sirius hadn’t asked questions of the man telling him to leave things would have been different. He could have got her out before Roitegg came or he could have managed to keep Roitegg out.

“Herr Kommandant.” Sirius tried to regain some composure, but he was still breathing so hard from his dash home to bring his usual ease into the conversation. He needed to try to play this to the very end. He needed to try at least to give himself a chance to live. There was a very good chance that Roitegg was just going to shoot him, and not even ask another question.

“I hate being fooled, I’m sure you could guess. I came to find Dorcas has been stealing information from me. For how long, I do not know. She’s been taken care of, of course. It is embarrassing to be fooled like that but she was a beautiful woman. But you and her,” He pointed his gun back towards Marlene in a quick gesture. “You both have been spies for Britain this entire time?”

“I don’t understand what you’re talking about.” Sirius furrowed his brow, stepping a little closer to the Kommandant. He needed to show that he was on his side still. Proximity, calm, and just a bit scared — he needed to look as innocent as he could. “Why would I spend years of my life doing that? I’ve nothing to gain from it.”

“I could list so many reasons why you did it but it would all be speculation so I won’t waste either of our time.” Roitegg shook his head. “All that matters is that you have done it. You’re probably the lover that Lupin had been coming out to see in Paris. You did spend so much time together and I never did fully believe you when you came in for questioning. Was this marriage even real?”

Sirius took a deep breath. “The marriage was very real. I love Marlene with all of my heart.” Sirius glanced down at her body before looking right back to Roitegg. He may have not loved her in a way husbands love wives, but he cared for her as much as he could in their position. “Herr Kommandant, I am faithful to you and the Reich. My mother raised me to love the Vaterland, and I have since I was a child. We would have lived there if it weren’t for my father’s position in England.”

“Your cover was good, at least. There are cracks in everyone else’s that we come across, but yours was flawless. Impossible to find a thing on you. I think if no one ever said anything, I would have never found out. You’re very smart, and it’s too bad that you were not really working for us. At least it would have been worthwhile.”

“It was so good, Herr Kommandant because it was not a cover,” Sirius said, his eyes pleading. “I am who I said from the beginning. From the first time we met.”

“Then, Herr Black, where are you going? Why are you so out of breath? You’re in a rush to be anywhere but here, are you not?”

“Things are becoming dangerous in Paris. You know that. The resistance is out of control, there’s rumors of the Allies coming. I’m not staying around long enough to find out what happened. If things go wrong, what are they going to do to the residents of Paris who helped the Germans? I doubt that it will be nice to us.”

“Really? Why not come to me and ask me to get you out? We are friends, are we not? What is the real reason you want to leave so fast?”

Sirius licked his bottom lip, trying to think on his feet. All that was going through his mind was that these were his final minutes on earth. The woman he had grown to admire so much over the last few years was on the floor dead at his feet. Back home in England a little boy was growing up without his parents, and his grandparents were broken hearted. Somewhere in Germany Remus Lupin was sitting in a camp waiting to die if he wasn’t dead already.

“Because I’m a spy.” He said, standing up proudly. He dropped the doe-eyed confusion as he stared down Roitegg now. Sirius was tried to holding up his cover. There was no getting out of this situation, the least he could do was go down with some pride. He didn’t want his final words to be in favor of the Nazis somehow. Sirius also had the urge to completely destroy Roitegg. The man was on the edge after finding out his mistress was a spy. Why not just make his life a bit more miserable? “I’ve lied to you for what, six years now? I used my hateful parent’s connections to get to you. I sold you fake art and artifacts. I fooled you because you and the rest are just complete greedy morons. At least I’m able to hold my head high and know I did the right thing.”

Without word, or even a change in his expression, Roitegg fired a shot, hitting Sirius in the right side of his abdomen. He wasn’t sure if he let out any noise but he fell right to the ground, his hand going over to cover the wound. The pain was less than Sirius thought it would be, possibly because of the adrenaline that he had been running on.

“I fucked Lupin.” Sirius sucked in a deep breath. “No, I loved Remus. We shagged in your library back in Germany the first night we met.” Sirius couldn’t help himself. It was lie but he wanted to really just stick it to him.

“You’ll be happy to know that he was lined up against the wall and shot.” Roitegg kicked Sirius over on to his back, using his boot to press at the gun shot wound.

“Fuck.” Sirius screamed as he began to cry. He wasn’t sure if he was crying over only the pain now or if Remus’ death had something to do with it. “You’re going to loose this war. You’re going to be driven back to Germany, and you’re going to end up living in disgrace if you let to live at all. I might be dying now but at least I’ll be dying a hero. Your own people will turn on you eventually.”

Roitegg raised his gun again, pointing right towards his head.

He was sure that it was all over. He was going to die on the hardwood floor of the one thing his family ever gave him that meant anything to him. All of his paintings were probably going to be taken and sold or even burned because he was a spy— the real paintings were going to be taken that he had hidden there as well. It was all going to be gone. Everyone was gone. His network was dead. Remus was dead. Sirius felt the urge to cry at the thought of Remus. He wouldn’t ever get the truth of who the man was, if he was just a whole lie or if the information given to him was just the doing of the mole. No matter the answer, it didn’t matter anymore because Sirius was sure that he was in his waning moments and all the he could think about was his love for Remus.

But then something odd happened, just as he was about to close his eyes and wait for that next shot and for death to take him. The front door of his flat opened with a loud bang and a minute later the large man he had met in the park, along with the older woman who was there with a bun came in. He couldn’t tell what Roitegg’s response was, everything sounded like he was at the bottom of a well and Roitegg was on the other side of the room. Sirius didn’t have much energy left, he could feel his eyes fighting to close on him when he heard another gunshot. Soon after it just all went black.

***

Sirius wasn’t sure how long it was between losing consciousness in his flat in Paris and waking up in a dark room in what was apparently in hospital. It could have been minutes, hours, weeks, months, or years for all he knew. He had a wake a few times but he could never piece anything together, nor could he really remember exactly what happened each time he woke up. He was sure that he was on a plane at one point but that could have been his brain supplying some strange dreams. He did know he was in pain. He knew that he was tired. He knew that he was alive. But he did not know if he got out of France, or even what day it was. Hell, he could have been in Germany being held by the Nazis before his brief trial and hanging. But they wouldn’t have wasted that time, they would have just let him die on the floor of his Paris apartment.

Sirius was surprised that he didn’t feel a great sense of relief at being alive. Maybe it was the fact that he was now all on his own. For years he had multiple people to turn to. He had missions to complete. He had faced every day with a ferocity that was unneeded in everyday civilian life. Now what was he supposed to do? Be alone and timid for the rest of his years? How was his supposed to survive without feeling like he needed to do everything in his entire life was hanging on a thin piece of thread?

“Oh, you’re awake. Thank god.” A voice that was once so familiar to him spoke after the door to his room opened.

“Effie,” He breathed a sigh once she came into view, the door swinging shut behind her. She was wearing a black dress and her hair was more grey than it had been the last time he had seen her. He kind eyes looked tired and so sad. That was how he knew he wasn’t imagining things. He would have thought of her as how she was when he left England. She was smiling and bright, even when she thought Sirius was still on good terms with his parents.

“Are you okay?” She asked urgently.

“I guess. I mean…” Sirius ached and his head was a little foggy but he was alive. “I’m here and breathing.”

“Good, good my dear, I’ve missed you so much.” She moved closer to the bed. “If I had lost another child I wouldn’t have been able to take it.” She put a hand on his cheek.

Sirius felt tears in his eyes, “How are you here— where am I?”

“You’re in England. You’re in a hospital that’s not a hard drive for me to get to.”

“Really? I don’t understand how I got here.”

“You were kept in some safe house somewhere in France for a few days. A local doctor treated your wounds but there was an infection and things got a bit… dicey.” She frowned, her eyes were filled with tears. “They managed to get you behind the allied lines. I don’t know all of the details but they managed to fix you up just enough to make sure that you could get here.”

“Behind allied lines…”

“They arrived in France the day after you were shot.” Effie informed him. “That was two weeks ago now. Things have been touch and go for sometime but you’re not running a fever any longer and you’re coherent. All signs are pointing to you are going to be just fine.”

“How do you know all of this? Monty said no one knew about what he does.”

“Did you really think that man could keep a secret from me for so long? I knew long ago what he did but I didn’t know what you were doing until just a few months before James passed.” She sat on the edge of his bed and took his hand. “You are so brave, darling. I’m so proud of you. James and Lily were so proud too. I always knew you would end up doing the right thing.”

Sirius felt the tears streaming down his cheeks. He wasn’t sure when he had started to cry. “They knew?” He sniffled.

“Monty couldn’t take it anymore. He saw how it was tearing James apart, thinking you were turning your back on him — on us. He couldn’t let him die thinking you were betraying us so he sat us down and told us what was going on.”

Sirius sniffled then rubbed his eyes. “I wanted to be back for the funerals but there was no way if I wanted to keep my cover up.”

“Monty said you went quiet for some time. At least Monty and I had one another and our family but you had no one. I was so worried about you but Monty said he thought it was only right you should know.”

“Harry, how is he?”

“He’s a happy little toddler. We tell him stories of James, Lily, and you of course all of the time. He’ll know that both of his parents were the most wonderful people.”

“I can’t wait to meet him. Soon, please, as soon as I can.” He wanted the connection to James and Lily, so bad. He was going to do the most he could to make that little boy’s life as happy as possible.

“I can’t bring him here, but I’m sure you’ll be out very soon.”

Sirius frowned because he had no idea where he was to stay. He couldn’t go back to the Black estate, it wasn’t an option for him. “Would you mind if I stayed?”

“Mind, darling, it was the plan all along that when you were released that’d you’d be staying with us.”

“Aren’t you hosting evacuees and you have Harry?”

“Yes, but there’s still plenty of room. There’s always going to be room for you.”

“I hope that it’s not for too long. I’d hate to impose.”

“It’s not an imposition.” She clicked her tongue. “Now, you sit here and relax. I’ll going and find a doctor to see if you need a check or something. I’m not sure how this all works.” She waved her hand before leaning over to press a kiss on his forehead.

“Thank you, Effie.”

“No worries. I’m just so happy that you’re alive and well.” She squeezed his hand before standing up to leave the room. “By the way, your brother has been found.”

Sirius’ breath caught. “And?”

“He’s in France, and doing fine. Monty said he’s getting him out of there soon but I guess the area he’s in is in a bit of a tip.”

Sirius snorted a laugh, “It’s all in a bit of a tip but he’s safe. He’s not out and fighting, is he?”

“No, he’s being hidden.”

“Good.” Sirius had that now. He thought his brother would be dead with the letter that Marlene had received from Dorcas before it all went to hell. “I can’t lose anyone else.”

“I’ll make sure Monty gets him out.”

Effie left the room, and once she was gone Sirius suddenly felt horribly lonely and overwhelmed. There were far too many questions he had that he wanted answered, that may never be answers. He had no idea how he was going to be a person in society. He wondered if Monty would somehow find a job for him. What was his life going to be like now?


	13. Part III: Resettling into Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is reunited with a few people and is given some encouragement. Then is thrown through a loop.

**1 January 1945**

Sirius sat on the low wall in the Potter’s garden, watching the cigarette he had between his fingers burn slowly. It was freezing out and snow was covering the ground but he needed the fresh air. Sometimes inside the Potter estate was too much for him. Too many voices, too much commotion, too much care. Even though he was practically in a war zone for so long, he was used to having his own quiet space. Not that he didn’t have his own room where he was, but it wasn’t his. And there was always something to do it seemed. By something to do, he was thinking about menial tasks. So many bloody small tasks. They weren’t anything important like what he had been up to before.

When Sirius was released a few days after waking up in hospital, he was brought right to the Potter estate. The second day after regaining consciousness, he was informed his father had died. The estate was now all his, but he didn’t want anything to do with it. Now, a few months later he was in the process of selling the things he could, cataloging the art, and determining what was going to be given to museums and where they would be going when the war came to an end. But he didn’t want to stay at the Black estate. It was too big, too full of a dark past that he didn’t want anything to do with — even if it meant him having some space that wasn’t shared with other people. At least at the Potter’s he was surrounded by happiness.

Plus, at the Potter’s there was Harry. The little toddler gave him a bit of a new lease on life. He had Lily’s eyes but looked like a spitting image of James, including the dark unruly hair on top of his head. There was so much that he wanted to show the child. There was so much he needed to tell Harry about James, Lily, and everything they got up to when they were young. Even though Sirius thought Lily and James were daft to have a child in the middle of the war, he was happy to have some piece of them still. Harry was now his tethering connection to make this world not seem so bad.

Regulus had arrived back in October. He had lost his leg in the explosion, but he was alive and he seemed happy to be with his brother. They had been so close when they were young but grew apart when Sirius became a teenage. He thought his brother was brainwash and just following and his parents footsteps back then. Regulus thought the same of him. But in the end Regulus had followed in Sirius’ footsteps without even really knowing that he was doing so. Their relationship was another thing that seemed to keep Sirius from getting too down.

They also spent sometime with Monty at the home office. Regulus and Sirius were decoding contacts from various people embedded on the continent still. Sirius had asked multiple times if he would be able to go back out, somehow, but it seemed to be out of the question. He was sure that it had something to do with the fact that Effie couldn’t take another loss. Sirius wanted to confront her and tell her to stop being so selfish but he could never bring himself to. Sirius could not break the other woman’s heart anymore.

Sirius settled for second hand accounts on what was going on back in France and beyond as the Germans were pushed back. The Allies marched across France following the invasion in June. They liberated Cherbourg that same month then captured Caen in July. Back in Germany, army officers attempted to assassinate Hitler, but it failed. The home army attempted an uprising in Poland starting in August, but it sadly failed in October. Not long after the start of the uprising in Warsaw, the Resistance began to rise in Paris and on August 25th, Paris was liberated. Sirius desperately wished to be there when it happened.

The months wore on at the Potter estate and at his boring work as he read about all that was happening everywhere else. When the holidays came around he found himself thinking about Remus even more than he had since waking up in hospital. He thought of the times they talked about life after the war, especially during Christmas and Hanukah. Sirius had hoped so hard at one point that Remus would be able to celebrate both holidays with all of the Potters, including James and Lily. Now he’d never even be able to celebrate the holidays again. It wasn’t only because they weren’t there but it was because it felt as if the joy had been completely drained out of them. Not that it mattered because it had been years since he celebrated them properly. Even being back at the Potter’s, they didn’t really put much heart into it.

But it wasn’t such a bad day to celebrate a New Year. Andi and Nymphadora had been found by some sort of miracle. They were originally in a labor camp in France before being transferred out to Ravensbruk in Germany when the Nazis felt like the invasion was imminent. Their stay didn’t last too long in Germany, as they got out do to some Red Cross aid. Sirius didn’t get fed all of the information, but he knew was that his cousins were safe finally. Another life line for him to have. He was nervous to see them, having heard so much about what went on in the camps, and how people were just shells of themselves after being in there so long. He had read accounts of the Soviet liberation of Majdanek outside of Lublin and it sounded worse than any thing that Sirius had imagined.

“Sirius, love, Andromeda and Nymphadora have arrived.” Effie said, calling from the window closest to where he was sitting.

“I’ll be right in.” He said before taking a drag of his cigarette. Sirius crushed his cigarette out against the stone wall before heading inside the house.

In the sitting room, Andi was being hugged by Regulus. Her hair was much shorter than it was the last time he had seen her. It was just grazing her shoulders now. Sirius noticed she was skinny, but not as skinny as he had feared. Nymphadora, who was now 12 sat next to Harry on the floor, making faces at him. She seemed happy, but Sirius feared how she felt deep down inside. She was so young and to have experienced what she probably had, it made Sirius ache.

“Sirius!” Andromeda let go of Regulus. “Oh, I’ve missed you.” She said with tears in her tired eyes. “I worried about you every day.”

“You worried about me?” He scoffed as he wrapped his arms around him. “I was fine, you weren’t.”

“Yes, fine. I heard you got shot and then Regulus went and blew himself up. Ugh, you boys, you were always getting yourself into trouble when you were young and it doesn’t seem like it changed much.” Andi said as she stepped back from Sirius.

“I didn’t blow myself up, well, okay I did but I was trying to blow the Nazis up. Which I succeeded in, it just didn’t go as I had hoped and planned for.” He pointed out as he went to take a seat on the sofa.

“You are both heroes though.” She smiled, squeezing Sirius’ hand tight.

“I’m not sure why I’m very heroic. I didn’t do much.” Sirius said. The Potters or people at the office said that to him from time to time and just couldn’t understand it. He was just doing his job, and it’s not like he ever did anything spectacular.

“Didn’t do much.” Andi rolled her eyes. “Sure.”

“Here, I made us some tea and managed to make some biscuits for us. I hope they come out okay.” Effie said caring a tray in. Sirius sometimes couldn’t believe it when he saw Effie doing these things. She always had so much help around in the past but she just had one girl on staff now. She never complained though because she was very self-sufficient but it just wasn’t the way things were for women who were of that station to be puttering about the kitchen.

“I’m sure they’re lovely. Thank you for letting us stay for now, Effie.” Andi said with a large smile. Effie was also collecting the leftover Blacks as if they were rare coins. Regulus, Sirius, Andi, and Nym were now all living under the Potter roof. Sirius was sure she was trying to fill that void James and Lily had left.

“Don’t be daft, love. You need sometime to get your things together and who knows what your place will be like when you return to France.” Effie smiled. “Take sometime for yourself to breathe and get used to things. We will worry about the details of your return back to France at a later date.”

Sirius understood the need to get used to things. Not that the life he was leading prior to him being burned outside of a concentration camp was horrible, it was still not who he was. They all now had this new life or maybe old like to get used to and Sirius for one was not sure what to do with it. Going to live in France again didn’t seem appealing now. He did want to go back to the flat in Paris to pick up somethings that were valuable but he couldn’t see himself living there again. He certainly wasn’t sure if he could bring himself to live the life he dreamt up with Remus. Even though there was no rush for him to know what he wanted, he still felt some sort of pressure.

***

That night, long after everyone had gone to sleep, Sirius found himself in the kitchen going for a cup of tea as he had nightly since coming back. Sleeping was hard for him now. Whenever he closed his eyes he thought of all the things that went wrong and all the changes he could have made to fix them. When he slept he dreamt of the dead, and it was never pleasant. It seemed to be hard for Andi to sleep as well because she was sitting at the table in the kitchen with a book in front of her. “Andi, what are you doing up?”

“The bed’s too soft.” She scoffed. “What a complaint to have, right? I should be happy to have a mattress but my body just don’t want to get used to it right now.”

“I’m sure it’s strange. Can I ask what it was like?” It had been such polite conversation earlier in the day, Sirius never got to have a real conversation with his cousin.

“It was hell. It was dirty and there was so much hard work to be done that seemed so pointless. The food was rancid. The Germans were — I don’t really have words to describe the Nazis who were in charge. There was no a kind person there who was working.” Andi said as Sirius went to fill the kettle. “I’m so thankful to be alive, to have Nym still here too. I saw mothers who lost their daughters and the reverse, it tore my heart apart. I told her, when we were taken away from Rouen, that we would survive and we would be back in our house one day soon.” She drummed her fingers on the table. “We are free and one day soon we’ll be back in Rouen.”

“I’m thankful you’re here.”

“Bloody Pettigrew.” She muttered. Sirius had filled her in on how he was the mole who most likely revealed her position, as well as every other detail of the group. “How could someone turn their back on their own country like that?”

“I don’t know.” Sirius shook his head. “I’ve asked myself one hundred times why he would hurt so many people and hurt the network and hurt the allies but I don’t think I’ll ever get a good enough answer. He’s dead now, from what I’ve gathered and that’s good enough for me.”

“How are you, Sirius?” She asked in a soothing voice.

“Oh, I’m fine. You’re the one—”

“I know, I know what I’ve been through but that doesn’t mean what you went through should mean any less. You lost so many people and you were almost killed yourself. There’s a reason that you’re up in the middle of the night. I doubt that it has anything to do with the mattress.” Andi laughed darkly.

“I’m just feeling a bit lost.” He shrugged. “I’m not sure who I am if that makes any sense. Then when I’m not thinking about who I should be, I’m thinking about what I could have done differently to change things back in France.”

“You can’t put what happened on you. It’s not your fault, Sirius. You did your job, and you did it well.” Andi said firmly. “There’s nothing you could have done to change things.”

Sirius turned his back to her as he took the kettle off the hob. He really didn’t want her to see the tears in his eyes. “I could have believed Remus. Maybe he’d still be alive today.”

“Remus… oh, your— oh he died?” She spoke softly. “I’m sorry, Sirius.”

“Ted—“

“Ted is a live, for all I know. He was shot down and taken as a prisoner of war to a camp in Germany. That’s all Monty knows. But he believes that he’s a live. I have to believe that too until I hear other wise.”

Sirius rubbed his eyes and shook his head. “How’d we end up like this?” He laughed. “We were practically royalty. We could have had anything we wanted handed to us. But we sacrificed so much to end up a bit broken.” He turned around to look at his cousin at the table.

“It’s because we’re better people than our family wanted to be. Sure, we could have listened intently to all they said, married the people the picked worthy, and given the world more people who hate. But instead we did what we thought was right — what is right. We might feel broken but I think, in the end, we’re going to feel better than we would have if we stayed in that hate.”

Sirius abandoned filled his mug in favor of going to sit beside Andromeda. “What if I don’t know how to be happy here? What if I can’t figure it out?”

She shrugged, “I think you will but it’s going to take time. I’m lucky enough to look at Nym to know why it was important for me to keep going. Seeing her play with Harry gave me so much hope and I can’t really describe how it made me feel just okay. Find something that you love, and figure out how to do it. You have your art, be a teacher or open a gallery or do something with it… I don’t know. When was the last time you painted?”

Sirius tilted his head as he thought back. He honestly couldn’t remember. It was so long ago since he had a paint brush in his hand. “I have no idea.”

“Maybe you should start there, then? It might seem small but it will help you remember who you are — who you were before all that.” Andi waved her hand to the side. “You’re going to be okay Sirius, we’re all going to be okay. It’s just going to take sometime.” She took his hand in hers. “Until then we have each other and after we figure it out, we’ll be there to celebrate one another.”

Leaning forward, he wrapped his arms around her in another tight hug.

***

Andi was right, it was going to take a long time for them to be okay and it was going to take work. Sirius listened and started with the small act of painting. He couldn’t find the right place or figure out what to do but eventually he got the hang of it again. He painted the Potter’s garden first, then the library. Then he painted Harry and Nym and just kept going. It felt amazing.

As Sirius was beginning to get back to himself, the Germans were crumbling elsewhere in Europe. More concentration camps were bing liberated, more cities were being freed from their occupiers. The Soviets and the Allies were pushing their way through to Germany. It was only a matter of time until the whole thing ended. Monty was talking about how Sirius could put his art knowledge, and knowledge of where pieces were to work soon enough when the war ended. He figured that’d be a nice job. Maybe he would actually be able to reunite some of those people with their belongings that he had watched, and had helped, take away.

On April 30th, 1945 Hitler committed suicide. Sirius thought of what a cowardly way to get out of what he had done to the world be the war was coming to an end now. One week after that Sirius was painting in the library of the estate, it had become his studio of sorts. From somewhere else in the house Sirius heard a scream from Andi, thinking that victory had been declared in Europe — he hoped and not that it was something horrible — he went to go find her and the rest of the people who were inhabiting the Potter’s. He didn’t want to miss a celebration if there was going to be one and if it was something horrible, he wanted to be there for his cousin.

“I can’t believe it.” He heard Andi say tearfully as he got closer to the parlor. His heart sunk, thinking that it was bad news about Ted.

Taking a deep breath, he enter the parlor to see Andi standing in the middle of the room smiling down at a man — Ted Bloody Tonks — on his knees hugging Nymphadora. “Oh my god.” Sirius put a hand over his heart.

“Oh my god, indeed.”

When he heard the deep voice he was sure that he had started to hallucinate. The voice belonged to someone who was dead, someone he thought he had made peace with to the fact that they were lost forever. No, that someone was there at the Potters.

“Remus,” Sirius nearly choked on his words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Danish Red Cross didn’t take any women from Ravensbruk before the spring of ’45 but for the story…


	14. Part III: No Ghosts

“Remus,” Sirius nearly choked on his words. He spun around on his heel to see Remus Lupin standing next to Effie. “Remus.” He said again because that was the only word that would come to his mind for the time being. He wasn’t a ghost because Effie had a hand on his forearm as they walked into the sitting room. Remus was alive and standing in the Potter’s home with a smile on his face.

“Hi.”

“Hi. He says hi! You say hi like I wasn’t told you were lined up and shot by the Nazis. Like the last time we spoke I wasn’t accusing you of being a the mole. Like… how… I don’t understand.” Sirius put a hand over his face, feeling like the world was spinning far too fast and he was going to go flying off of it at any moment. He felt full or joy and anguish and shock and so many other emotions at once. This was the last thing that he was expecting to ever happen. He always had hope that Andi would have Ted back but he was so positive that he would never have that feeling himself. “You can’t just come here and say hi as if this is completely casual and — you’re a live. You’re alive.”

“Sirius, have you officially gone round the twist? What are you going on about?” Regulus asked, leaning on his crutch after he entered the room. It took him a moment to realize that Remus was standing there. “My god, no wonder why he’s babbling. What are you doing here? Ted! What are you doing here?” He said when he looked over towards the other man.

“Now they’ve both lost it.” Nym said after he dad finally let her go. She had tears on her cheeks but she was so happy.

“It’s a bit of a story.” Ted said, standing back up.

Sirius couldn’t stop looking at Remus. He was so skinny but he couldn’t take that smile off his face, one that revealed those dimples. Maybe it was the fact that he was free? Maybe it was the fact that he was standing in front of Sirius in the safety of the Potter’s home. “Stop staring at me like that.” Remus said in German. “It’s strange.”

“I can stare, it’s not as if I’m going to be hung if I do.” Sirius replied in French. They used to do this to each other, change the language they were speaking. Sirius always liked it because it kept him on his toes.

“Who told you I was lined up and shot?”

“Roitegg.”

“I’m sure he wished.” Remus laughed, answering in English. “I’m still very much a live, no such luck for him. But I did hear he shot you. I’m sorry.”

“I’m fine. I’m far luckier than Marlene and Dorcas were.” He grimaced thinking of that day which was almost a year ago now. It seemed both a million years ago and only days ago at once. “I need air.” Sirius said, becoming very aware of the fact that his breath felt like it couldn’t make it all the way into his lungs. He was feeling dizzy, and sure that he was going to pass out.

“I’ll make us some tea. Does anyone need anything else? Something to eat? I’ll see what we can come up with.” Effie said as Sirius left the room. He was somewhat worried that when he came back, Remus would no longer be there but he needed to figure out a way to stop his head from spinning. Fresh air seemed to be the only thing he could think for the time being.

He stepped out on to the patio of the back garden and looked up at the blue sky. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and there was nothing strange to say that he was in some very strange lucid dream. It was all real. Remus was okay and he had come to find Sirius, even after all that he said.

After a few moments of taking calming breaths, and trying to get his mind to stop thinking a million things at once, Remus joined him outside. “Don’t be angry I followed you, I just felt so strange standing in there with Ted reuniting with his family. Your brother also suggested that I make sure you didn’t faint or something.” Remus laughed.

“You really are here?”

“Yes, I — I wanted to find you.”

“I was so mean to you. I thought you were the mole.”

“There was a point I thought you were the mole too. Sirius, it was the time and place but that doesn’t mean I didn’t love you under it all because I did. I think it made everything worse because I loved you. It would have been easier to hate you then, I think that you probably feel the same way.” Remus said, coming within arms length of him.

Sirius did feel the same way but he didn’t like the choice of tense that Remus had used. “Loved?”

“Love. Loving you isn’t past tense, Mon étoile.” Remus shook his head, taking Sirius’ hand and lacing this fingers together. “The past tense part was all that shite that was going on. It was all the uncertainty that we both had. That is all past tense.” He squeezed Sirius’ hands. “We have so much to talk about and so much to sort out and deal with but I still love you. I got through everything knowing that in the end I could tell you that everything I told you was true. Everything I felt for you and told you that I felt for you was true. My whole back story was real. The only lies I told were to the Nazis.”

Sirius’s words were stuck somewhere between his brain and his mouth before leaning forward and pressing his lips to Remus’. It was the only thing that he could think of in the moment. He always a bigger fan of action than talk.

“I love you.” Remus whispered when Sirius pulled back. “I love you, so much. I love you. You’re what kept me going. I’m not sure if that’s healthy or right or… whatever but it’s true. That and I wanted to survive just as a fuck you to the Nazis.”

Sirius snorted, leaning his forehead against Remus’ shoulder. “I love you too. How did you find Ted?”

“I’m sure everyone is wondering.” He rubbed Sirius’ back. “I think that maybe Ted and I just explain everything at once. I don’t want to do it a million times.”

“Okay.” Sirius said but he didn’t step out of Remus’ embrace. He was too busy remembering what it was like there.

“Sirius, as much as I want to stand here holding you, I don’t think we could possibly do that.”

“I don’t care, no one in the house cares either.”

“It’s not that I’m worried about them caring, I just really am thirsty and I haven’t had a decent cup of tea in ages.”

Sirius stepped back and wiped his eyes. “Right, sorry. Come on.”

The two men went back inside the house and everyone, including Monty now, was sitting in the parlor. The tea had been served so Sirius and Remus helped them selves to a cup each. Sirius was still waiting to wake up from this dream.

“So, you two turn up after me not being able to find you for a long time now. Want to tell me how you did that?” Monty said, he looked a bit perturb but happy at the same time.

“Well, I ended up there first.” Remus said before taking a sip of tea. Sirius stood next to the chair the man had taken a seat in. “The Gestapo rudely woke me up in the early morning one day, and put me on a train to Buchenwald. I thought I was sure that I was going to be killed because I was definitely committing treason. But they said it was because I was a homosexual.” Remus chuckled loudly. “Sorry, it’s just funny to me that’s why I ended up there. Out of everything. I don’t understand how Pettigrew settled on that to reveal about me”

“Everything?” Effie asked.

“He’s Jewish too and a spy.” Sirius supplied quickly.

“Right, of course.” Effie nodded, “Go on.”

“I worried they were going to find out about who I was, really so I decided to take someone else’s identity.”

“Of course you did. You can’t help yourself.” Sirius snickered at Remus.

“I took another person’s number. Someone had died in the bunk I was put in and I just, I just took his things and gave him mine.” Remus swallowed thickly. “So, I became Pawel Gulnik.”

“A baker.” Ted said with a laugh, clearly some inside joke between the two of them.

“So, you’ve a new identity, then what?”

“Well, a few days later, they brought in a few American POWs, including Ted here.” Remus gestured to him.

“I was trying to find out how to go about choose a place to sleep. Not that there was much choice.” Ted crossed his arms and sat back. He seemed a bit uncomfortable. “No one spoke English in the area I was then Remus here spoke up and that was the start of a beautiful friendship.”

“I showed him the ropes and we ended up working together at the factory near the camp.”

“One day I was talking about Andi. I guess I was just going on about my life and Nym back in France.”

“Andromeda isn’t exactly a common name so I asked if she was Andromeda Black.” Remus explained.

“It was more than a bit shocking that this random man in Germany, who told me he was Polish knew who my wife was.”

“We had met a few times, even.”

“You met Andi?” Sirius asked, surprised.

Remus nodded, “Passing along intel.”

“Oh.”

“I told Ted how I knew Andi and you,” He looked up at Sirius. “I told him who I really was. We decided then and there we were going to do everything possible to get out and back.”

“The camp only liberated days ago. There’s no way you can be here. Most of the camp is still under quarantine.” Monty shook his head.

“With how everything was going… things grew a bit out of control. One night there was no one watching one tower so we knew that was our chance.” Ted wrapped an arm around Andi.

“We walked until we came upon some Australians. They got us to the Red Cross, and we were taken care of. Then we talked ourselves into getting here.”

“Remus is able to talk people into anything. I was impressed, must have been great in the field.” Ted commented

Sirius wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. He was sure that there was so much more to their story, so much more that they saw and did but they had an endless amount of time now to talk about it. Eventually Sirius was sure he would know everything, but this was good for now.

After a bit more conversation, Andi, Nym, and Ted decided to go for a walk. Effie declared that she was going to serve dinner in a few hours time then went off towards the kitchen. This left Monty, Remus, Regulus, and Sirius sitting quietly. “Thank you.” Monty said with a stiff nod after a few minutes. “To all of you. I’m not sure if I’ve said that yet but you all did so much for the cause and the allies wouldn’t be about to win the war if it weren’t for you and so many others like you.”

“It was a pleasure, Monty. I can’t believe you trusted us with that. Sirius once burnt down an apple tree out back.”

“You did?” Remus said with a laugh.

“Yes, he did. He did a lot of things that would make you wonder why I recruited him. But the brilliance outweighs the daft childish mistakes.” Monty said before standing. “I’m going to help Effie. If you need anything, Remus, just let me know.”

“Sirius, you should give Remus a tour.” Regulus said with a smirk. “It’s really a nice place.”

“I’ll take a tour.” Remus said genuinely, ignoring the suggestion in Regulus’ tone.

Sirius obliged, showing him around the estate, taking their time in the places that meant the most to him. He showed Remus photos of James and Lily. They also poked their head on Harry, who was napping. Eventually they found themselves in the library. “You were painting?” Remus said when he saw the easel in the middle of the room. “A Black original too.”

“There’s been a lot of originals lately. It’s not as if I have to forge anymore.” Sirius smiled as Remus studied the picture.

“Do you have the one of me by the sea? I liked the one and wanted to hang it in my own place.”

“It’s back in Paris, with everything else.” Sirius ran a hand through his hair. “I want to go back soon to collect my things.”

“You’re not going to burn it down, are you?” Remus sat him self down on one of the oversized chairs that Sirius always liked to curl up in.

“No,” Sirius laughed. “My parents died so I’m going to be selling all of their things, including the flat in Paris. I was being dramatic when I said I’d burn it down.”

“You really want to sell it, though?” Remus looked a little sad.

“I can’t keep it when all I’ll think about when I’m there is nearly being killed and Marlene actually being killed. I want to start my own life.”

“By the sea.” Remus reached out and caught Sirius’ hand, pulling him down to sit in his lap. Sirius hated how thin he felt through his clothes.

“Are you still interested in living in a tiny cottage there?”

“Yes, that’s all I wanted.”

Sirius was surprised as tears began to stream down his cheeks.

“Oh, Sirius, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong, I’m just horribly overwhelmed, I think.” He said before a sob slipped out. “Just an hour or so ago, you were dead. I was getting over you. I was living with the guilt of not believing you. Now you’re here and you’re happy. You want to live with me.” He said through his tears.

“We can stop. We can just be here.”

“No, it’s okay. I want to think about the future because I didn’t know what to do for so long.” Sirius closed his eyes. “I don’t know when it will all feel right, if it ever will but I know that it feels okay.”

“I don’t know if something was lost in translation but it made very little sense.” Remus stroked his cheek.

“I’m just happy that you’re here and we’ll figure things out as time goes on.” He said in German before nuzzling against the other man’s neck.

“You’re going to get sick of me when I don’t go off in a few weeks or if we are ever away from one another it won’t be for months or a year at a time.”

“I won’t. I never will be sick of you.” Sirius held on to him tightly. “Do you want me to call you John, now? You no longer need your cover.”

“I don’t need it, no, but I think Remus suits me rather well. It will feel so strange for you to call me anything else.”

“Whatever you want, my mon loup.” Sirius smiled, playing with Remus’ curls.

They stayed sitting quietly in the chair for sometime, just holding on to one another. Sirius didn’t know what to expect from this point forward. He still didn’t know who he truly was outside of espionage. He did know that he no longer wanted to be a spy. He didn’t want to risk losing Remus again. Sirius wanted to do everything in his power to make sure the man was his and that he was safe. That life he had imagined was now becoming more vivid in his head, there wasn’t a fuzzy picture, it was as clear as day now.

Eventually they were called to dinner, and after there were desserts and drinks. They listened to the radio, hoping to hear that the Germans had finally given up but no such luck yet. When it came time for bed, Effie fretted that Ted and Remus barely had any belongings. She declared that she would get right to work finding them some more clothes the next morning.

Once Effie was done with voicing her concerns, Sirius walked Remus to his room, very close to the library and only down the hall from Sirius’. “Do you have any of your things?”

“I have nothing.” Remus shook his head. “Everything I have was given to me.”

“Your violin…” Sirius sighed, shaking his head.

“My violin was just an object. My parents would rather me be alive than with the violin.”

“Have you played recently?”

“No. I almost ache for it.”

“We’ll find you a new one. I refuse to let this world go without your music for too long.” Sirius declared.

Remus just smiled, looking at Sirius as if he was the best thing to ever happen to him.

“I’m tired. Are you?” Sirius asked.

“Very, mentally and emotionally exhausted.”

“May I sleep in your bed?”

“The rest of the house—“

“Do not care and they won’t have any idea. I don’t want anything but just to be with you. I just want to be able to hear your breath on the pillow next to me and press my ear to your chest to hear your heartbeat.” Sirius put a hand over his heart.

“Come in. I’m not sure how well I’ll be sleeping.”

“It’s fine, it wasn’t until recently that I could sleep through the night and Andi said the same as well.”

“Okay.”

That night Sirius woke up with Remus when the man nearly jumped out of bed at three in the morning. He held him while he cried and the as he calmed down. Sirius knew earlier there was so much they had not talked about but he was just realizing the immensity of pain that the other man had been feeling. He knew that he couldn’t cure the pain but he needed to find ways to make it easier, somehow.

***

Sirius hovered in front of the door to the flat in Paris. Remus was right behind, waiting patiently for the other man to open the door. It had been around a year and three months since Sirius had been there last. Since he was last bleeding on the floor. Since Marlene was there, lifeless in front of him. He hated that he attached so much pain to the apartment because it once was such a safe place for him and Remus. Now he was almost terrified to walk in, like Roitegg would be waiting for him again on the other side.

“Come on, love. We’ll just collect what we want then we’ll go back to the hotel.” Remus put a hand on his shoulder. It had only been four months since Remus arrived back but he was doing much better than he was when he arrived. He had put on some weight and he was waking up less in the middle of the night than he had been at the beginning.

The war was over and Europe, just like Remus and Sirius, was starting to heal. There was so much to take care of but Sirius had no doubt that the countries and the people would eventually become stronger than they were before. Paris was waking slowly, but it was not as vibrant as it was prior to the occupation just yet. But it felt more like Sirius always thought of it as, not like it was with the Nazis in town.

The war was officially over, life was slowly moving on. It was time for Remus and Sirius to establish themselves once again. Sirius was going to help relocate the art and artifacts that were stolen or hidden, as well as help sort through all of the Nazi loot that was found in the salt mines and such. Remus was playing violin again and composing. He hadn’t even thought of playing for crowds again yet, but Sirius knew that one day soon he would be on stage again.

“Right.” Sirius took a deep breath, finally moving to open the door. There were no monsters there, there wasn’t even a trace of what had happened. The floors must have been scrubbed by someone, the man or the woman who extracted him maybe. Or maybe Monty sent someone to clean it. Either way, the flat looked just as it did before the day — except with a few layers of dust.

“I fell in love with you here.” Remus declared as they walked down the hall towards his studio.

Sirius laughed, “I fell in love with you here as well.”

“I almost wish you wouldn’t sell it.” He said softly. “I understand if you want to and why you would want to but it holds a lot of good memories.”

“Maybe I could just rent it out.” Sirius said as he entered his studio. All the paintings were still as they were. He went to the drawer that he had hidden away his notebooks with all of his notes. “I don’t think I can live here though.”

“I understand. I want to go live by the sea anyway.”

“We could go look for a place to live in the south.” Sirius suggested as he pulled out a few of his leather bound notebooks. “If you’re really interested, that is.”

“I am. You really don’t want to live on the Black estate?” Remus chuckled while he flipped through some of the canvasses that were leaning against one of the walls. Sirius had taken Remus over to the estate a few times to help with cataloging what was there.

“Bugger off.” Sirius rolled his eyes. “I’m being serious here, and don’t make a pun or a joke about that. I’m asking you if you really want to go look for a cottage.”

“Yes, I do.” Remus said, coming up behind him and wrapping his arms around his waist

Sirius sighed as he relaxed into the embrace, feeling at peace, even if just for the moment.


	15. Epilouge

**1 June 1985**

“Mon étoile, I am home!” Remus called out as he entered the cottage.

“Hello, my love.” Sirius smiled as Remus came into the living room. He was sometimes jealous of how the managed so gracefully. He was still tall with a thick head of hair that didn’t turn grey until he was nearly 70. He still had some pepper mixed in with the salt. Remus always joked it was because he was doing it to spite the Nazis. Sirius was sure it was because he had went forward and lived a life that was full of happiness.

“Oh, what’s wrong?” The man looked concerned.

“Nothing.” Sirius furrowed his brow.

“I know you too well to know that you are lying.” Remus sat down next to his partner on the sofa. “It’s been forty years, I hope to know you that well, at least.”

“I was just thinking of the past.”

“Ah, I see.” Remus never had a problem about talking about the past. He was open, he even spoke to crowds sometimes about what he had gone through. He didn’t speak about Sirius or his personal life, Sirius stayed hidden from the limelight. There was a limelight because Remus had blossomed on the international stage following his return after the war. The story of the spying gay Jewish violinist was too much for people not to have interest in. Sirius on the other hand stayed far away from that. People probably didn’t even know that Sirius and Remus knew one another unless if they somehow spotted Sirius at the concerts they attended. “You do hate talking about the past.”

“I was told it doesn’t do well to dwell.”

“Dwelling is different from talking about it from time to time.” They had had arguments in the past over Sirius’ unwillingness to speak about what had happened. “So, why are you thinking about it?”

“Some girl came here to ask me questions about being a gay spy.” He snickered.

“What?”

“Some girl named Luna Lovegood. She’s writing a book about WWII spies or something. She didn’t get too much into it.” Sirius explained. “She thought my story would be valuable.”

Remus tilted his head and furrowed his brow. “How old was she?”

“I don’t know, in her thirties, I guess.”

“Are you sure it wasn’t in her forties?”

“What?”

“Lovegood isn’t a very common name, is it? Xenophilius and Pandora were in the network. They worked on Le Chicaneur.” Sirius reminded him.

“Oh.” Sirius clearly hadn’t thought of the connection, even for a moment. He never spent too much time with the Lovegoods. “That must be how she heard of me. They survived, I think. They disappeared after Le Chicaneur went up in flames. But went underground.”

“Mmm, maybe.” Remus nodded. “Why don’t you talk to her? You should put your story down somewhere. Just talking about all of the art you reunited with their owners is a wonderful story. You don’t even need to get too deep into what happened before that.” Sirius had made that his main project once they moved back to France at the end of 1945. While Remus was busy with his music, Sirius spent most of his time working on finding paintings and their owners. When he wasn’t doing that, he was home painting. Eventually, he settled down and stayed the little seaside town running a gallery. Every so often he would go back to try to figure out where paintings belonged.

“She sounded a bit daft.”

“Xenophilius and Pandora were very smart but they were also very flighty. Maybe she has the same sort of feeling to her personality.”

“Harry and Nym don’t even know my whole story.” Harry had been raised by Effie and Monty until his 17th birthday, then he decided he wanted to come live in France full time. He choose a university not for from them, eventually he married and settled down in the same town. Nym lived up in Rouen but made efforts to come down and visit often, even after she married and had children of her own. Sirius never had wanted children but the two of them were his by proxy. Their children, were essentially his grandchildren. He also had Regulus’ kids and grandchildren who came to visit.

“Maybe you should tell them.” Remus suggested because things like that were always so easy for Remus. Sirius was sure that hiding his identity for so long, made him become ridiculously truthful after the whole thing.

“I could.”

“You should. They deserve to know. They’d love to know. I mean, they speculate all the time what you did during the war but they have no idea. You’ve told them about five different stories that were just lies, and they knew it.”

Sirius laughed, “It’s just hard.”

“I know it is, but it’s easier the more you do it. You could even tell Lovegood that you want to remain anonymous if you speak to her. I know how you like this quiet life.” Remus took Sirius’ hand.

“I was thinking earlier, how much this was a pipe dream at one point. I was so sure that we would never be here at an old age, no matter how much I wanted it.”

“Mmm, I remember you telling me about how you thought of this life, after burning your family’s flat in Paris down. Tell me, did you live the life you wanted? The one you spoke of back then?”

“I’m not sure how properly bohemian it was but I’m happy with it.”

“Good.” Remus squeezed his fingers. “You’ve done so many wonderful things, I hope that you can just tell her one story.”

“What one do you think?”

“The boy in Lublin.”

Sirius frowned because he didn’t know why Remus would want him to tell that story. It was definitely a memory that did not need revisiting. “That’s a difficult one to talk about.”

“I was thinking more of the ending to it all when you went back and you brought the painting and you met the brother.”

“Oh, I guess that’s a decent story.”

“Your whole life is a decent story. She could write a book just on you, and still not have every detail down.”

“I don’t know how you’re still so sweet with me.” Sirius shook his head.

“Because I love you and I’m so lucky to be alive and to be able to have you.” Remus leaned over and kissed him softly. “Now, how about I’m going to make some dinner for us. Harry said that he’s coming by tomorrow to see the fence in the back, by the way.”

“That sounds brilliant.” Sirius smiled, watching Remus stand up again.

Sirius’ life had been filled with just so much he never thought to tell the story. It just lived within him, and he was okay if he took it with him. But maybe Remus was right, maybe his story did need to be told. Or maybe just a few excerpts of the story.

***

  
**16 April 1947**

The building was still grand, standing proudly in Lublin, even if the rest of the city and country was still bearing its wounds from the war. Sirius never forgot what it looked like, especially that library. It was the first place that he felt truly scared during his work but not the last. Looking up at the building, he felt a bit sick thinking of the last time that he was there. The boy, the Gestapo who shot him dead right in the library… Sirius felt the need to physically shake himself. It had been years since that day but it was one that was seared in his memory forever.

Instead of coming to do the taking this time, Sirius had returned to reunite a Klimt and a Degas to the last surviving member of the family. He had no idea where the rest of the works were, he hoped one day to find them all, but these were the ones he had taken into possession when they were clearing out the home. Sirius had been spending a little over a year now trying to relocate paintings and their rightful owners. It was tedious work, but so far he had returned things back to nine people. Mister Dobrin was number ten.

Sirius was greeted by the maid, and led into the dining area where he remembered most of the most valuable belongs had been spread out. Now, the flat was basically empty. There was some furniture but nothing on the walls. He set down the two works of art that would soon begin to take up the empty space on the table.

“Herr Black.”

“Herr Dobrin,” Sirius said, turning around to the man. He looked just as Sirius remembered from the photos that used to fill the room. “It’s very nice to meet you.” He said as they shook hands.

“I have to say, I was shocked that you found anything. I thought the Nazis had taken everything from us.”

Sirius just nodded.

“How did you come across these and know they’re ours?” Mister Dobrin asked as he carefully unwrapped the plain brown paper covering the Klimt.

“I—“ Sirius had yet to find a graceful way to tell people that he was there when their prized possessions were taken from them. “I was here.”

“You’re a Nazi? Or a reformed one?”

Sirius scoffed, “No, I was a spy.” It always felt strange revealing that. “I tried my best to save some people’s things when I was made to work with them during their pillaging.”

The man frowned, “Well, I guess that explains why some British man has these. May I ask how it was, working with them?”

“It was like working with wild dogs that could turn on you at any moment. But they liked me until they didn’t, even if they made my skin crawl.”

“Hmm, it must have been difficult. I’m not sure I could have ever been able to do that.”

“We all did things we were sure we couldn’t do during the war.”

The man nodded, “I understand the statement. I left my own family here to fend for themselves because my wife’s family was in Switzerland.”

Sirius wasn’t sure what to say to that. He had no idea if he should tell the man that he had tried to save his brother. Was it even worth it? It’s not as it would bring the boy back.

“My father told me that it was the right thing before I went, so I must believe him.” He shrugged one shoulder. “How many paintings did you save?”

“About thirty but I have notes on what belonged to who on many more that I didn’t get to keep personally.”

“I hope they all get back to the families.”

“I hope so, I’ll try my hardest.”

“Is that your job now?”

“Both officially and unofficially. Officially I work with the Americans to relocate art and unofficially I have my own side projects like this.” Sirius said.

Mister Dobrin spent sometime looking at his paintings and just as Sirius was about to leave the man offered him a cup of tea. Sirius accepted and they sat in the study to take it. Sirius observed that there were family pictures hanging up in the study, as well as down the hall leading to it. “Do you live here full time now?”

“We’re moving back. It took a long time to decide if we should or not since the Soviets took over but this is our home, this is where we belong.” Mister Dobrin took a sip of his tea. “Herr Black, is there something you’re not telling me? I feel like you’re holding something back.”

Sirius took a deep breath and looked around the room, his eyes falling on the photo he had looked at the first time he was here. “I had tried to save your brother.”

“I’m… sorry what?”

“Your little brother, I don’t know what happened before I found him but I assume that he was hiding when the Germans came.” Sirius swallowed the lump in his throat. “I found him hiding in storage space in the benches in the library.”

“My youngest brother, how do you know?”

“The photograph,” Sirius gestured to the one that was hanging on the wall. “I had looked at it before I found him and I was surprised to find the youngest member of the family.”

“What happened?”

Sirius furrowed his brow.

“I have no idea what truly happened to any of the members of my family. To know just one story, even if the ending is sad would be something.” Mister Dobrin explained.

“I had found him because I heard him crying. I told him I’d get him out. I told him he needed to be patient and give me at least until that night to get him out. There were Gestapo everywhere, it’s not as if I could pull him out then. But, ah, I heard one of the Gestapo coming so I hid him and pleaded with him to be quiet. I tried to hard to divert the man’s attention away when he heard your brother crying again but I couldn’t… I’m sorry. They killed him right there and I just stood there. I’m so sorry.”

Mister Dobrin had tears in his eyes but he smiled and shook his head. “Erik had always hid in that storage space when he was playing. I always told him that it was the best hiding spot in the house.”

“It was a very good one. I’m sorry I couldn’t—“

“Herr Black, please don’t apologize.” He held a hand up. “You tried to help, you did more than most people would have. I’m sure if you could have you would have got him out, clearly you have good intentions with all of these paintings you’re trying to give back. If you are still feeling guilty over this, please know that I don’t want you to. No one in my family would want you to.”

Sirius let out a long sigh, as if he had been holding it in for sometime now.

“One day, we will both be able to live without regret and pain from the past, until then we must keep moving forward but remember the good from the past. You returning these and telling me you tried to help my brother, are things I will remember as something good from a long period of darkness even though one of them may cause a little pain.”

***

**2 June 1985**

Sirius watched Remus water the roses in their garden as Harry fussed with the fence. Nym and her family would be coming to join them for dinner that night as well. His life was much different from he had thought it would be in the past. First of all, he was alive. He outlived the war and it’s aftermath. He was able to live with his demons. Second of all, he was so domestic it almost hurt. He had wanted to move in with Remus and spend their days painting and playing music, but he didn’t realize that his life would ever become so settled.

“You know, Marlene asked me if I would ever marry you.”

Remus looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “What?”

“I’ve been thinking of the past and I’ve thought of that. I would marry you, if I could.”

“That is the most outrageous dream you can have.”

“It’s true, though. I didn’t tell her I would then because everything that was going on. But I would.”

“You two are practically married as it is. Better marriage than most actually married people, in my opinion.” Harry said, stepping away from the fence. “Basically raised me too, so you had kids. My kids are your grandchildren. Your life is so normal.”

“Yes, normal.” Remus smiled.

Sirius marveled at how strange it was to be happy, normal, and alive at an old age.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I’m trying to work on a second part to my New Zealand series but I’m not making much progress. BUT I am working on another multi chapter work that is a lot lighter than this work that I'm SUPER excited about. I may have stayed up late writing 5,000 words once I got the idea. Here the premise:
> 
> What happens when a virgin meets a porn star? It sounds like it’s about to be a cheesy porno, but it’s really not. This is a story about redemption, love, and finding your place in this crazy world with some drama and humor sprinkled in with it all.


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